VeganMom...stumbling through life

Watercolors

2012-01-22T19:36:00.006-06:00

Here is the latest group of art on Luciana's wall. These are all water color or water color pencil on water color paper.

Cool, clear water

2012-01-22T19:20:00.001-06:00

Carrie's favorite spot to nap is in the "cat room" on a shelf where we store the quilts. It also happens to be right next to the heating vent, so she's very warm and snuggly.

Petey, Oliver, and Mimosa tend to hang out on the cat tree in the cat room during the day. It's right in front of the windows, and they can watch the neighborhood and nap, alternately.

Fresh water is a BIG deal to me. I can deal with hunger but not thirst. I always have an abundance of water available to all of the animals. Some prefer still water, where others prefer 'moving' water. I think the water fountains are cleaner than standing water, so we have fountains on each floor in addition to the regular water dishes. I also keep fresh water available for the outside critters.

I'm always observing the animals, looking for similarities as well as differences between the various species, as well as between individuals within the species. One of the things that is true of all of the species in the house, of course, is that they live for meals and treats. They are so sensitive to my food routines, that the moment I begin the first step of the routine--and sometimes even before I start--they are aware, tuned in, and gathering around me in anticipation.

That's certainly not a big surprise, but what I have found a little surprising is that their response to getting fresh water is very similar to their reaction to fresh food. Some individuals are as attuned to my motions and as excited as they are to get the first drink of fresh water as they are to get food. In each species, there are members who will appear and start drinking before I even get their water container put down.

Since I noticed this, I've made an extra effort to freshen up their water several times a day. It's one simple, quick way that I can brighten their day just a little bit, and unlike the food treats I so enjoy giving them, fresh water won't make them fat, so they can drink to their hearts' content. Except Daisy, who drinks until she gets sick and vomits. Then she has room to drink even more. She's special.

Oops.

2012-01-11T22:34:00.001-06:00

I made a mommy error. L. has no problem calling me out on such lapses. She made me a bookmark--two-sided, as seen above. I thanked her and told her how pretty it was. She put it next to me while I was working in the kitchen, and I asked if she could please take it back upstairs and put it on my nightstand, because I was worried that it would get wet there. She said sure and went back upstairs.

When I made it up to bed in the wee hours of the morning, I found this in my bed. I wasn't totally sure what it meant, because I wasn't convinced that the "p" was a p. It's a little off. I asked her as soon as she got up in the morning why she left me a rejection slip. She said, "Because that's how I felt when you rejected my bookmark." 8-( I apologized profusely and explained that I loved it and wanted to keep it safe. I felt horrible!

I've reviewed the exchange in my head a hundred times over, and still think she was on the oversensitive side. I will be extra careful in the future, because even if she is oversensitive (and her age may be a factor; she just turned 12), I don't want her to ever feel that way! I'm happy that she handled it so quickly and maturely.

Three-week overview

2012-01-11T22:22:00.000-06:00

L got a package of canvases, and made gifts for Dej, Mark, me, and both sets of grandparents. She used her favorite media (for now), which is pastels, and of course used a fixative to make sure they would remain smudge/smear free.

My favorite was the one she made for me. The cockatiels are Romeo and Lily--a couple of very special (and strange!) birds. They died before she was born, but she's heard much about them from the rest of us. The picture is hanging in my room, facing my bed, and I enjoy looking at it every day.

Mark got a dragon.

Dej got a fox, because that's what she asked for.

My mom got butterflies. My dad got a Nintendo DS from all of us, so L decreed that he had to share my mom's picture. She was also determined that once he got the DS, he would never look up to notice a picture or anything else.

Mark's dad got a duck, because he collects ducks (or she thinks he does--not sure which).

Mark's mom got a picture of their dog, Bentley, who died a few years ago at the age of 21! Everyone referred to him as Bentley the Wonderdog, because he just kept going and going. The picture brought Carolyn to tears.

Before the holiday season, she gave me a random sketch of a kiwi. It's so cute--it's still up on our refrigerator. (The blue drips are from a little popsicle accident.)

Mimi playing in a dress that L likes to put on certain cats (there are only a few who tolerate it). Mimi was initially fascinated by it, and then quickly forgot about it and started playing.

Basil chilling on the piano. Notice Beethoven behind Basil. I asked Luciana to take his gay pride beads off and make him look more festive and seasonal. This was her rendering of festive and seasonal. Hmm.

Russ (Dej's partner) and Poppy hanging out together.

I (Finally!) finished the printer's tray shadow box I started working on before I broke my arm this summer. I've been so busy with work that I haven't had a minute to relax and work on hobbies. Once I got my grades in and completed the necessary critical work for my consulting job done, I wanted to get this knocked out and off my desk. I finished and hung it, but every time I look at it, I think it needs something else. When I figure out what that is, I will add it and maybe be satisfied with it. It's hanging in the dining room--the one I really want to strip and repaint. L is vehemently against the idea, and I keep hoping to find a paint color she likes enough that she is okay with the changes.

2011-12-21T14:20:00.001-06:00

Luciana has pointed out that the rats haven't received nearly enough blog coverage lately, as they've been eclipsed by Poppy. So I will talk about the ratty boys today.

Usually I spend my time with the ratty boys at night. I go in to read to Luce before bed and spend time playing with the rats. I am usually wearing lounge wear, with one of my garments having a pocket on the right side and the other garment having a pocket at the left breast. These pockets are important, because they often contain the nightly cat treats, which the rats love.

They learned fairly early on how to check each pocket for treats and to lift them if found. I now know enough to guard my pockets if they contain cat treats. The rats quickly figured out a countermeasure to my countermeasure. They have always enjoyed running up the inside of my sleeves and playing around inside my voluminous lounge wear/pajamas. I noticed some persistent activity in my right hip area, and found that Quince had climbed into my sleeve as usual but instead of playing like usual, he had zeroed in on the pocket and was working on chewing a hole in the fabric to get to the cat treats. It didn't take the other two very long to figure that move out, so now I have to be really careful with guarding my pockets from both sides.

Watching the three of them play together and wrestle like all brothers do is so entertaining! One will take a flying leap at one of their brothers from 2 or 3 feet away, and the two start rolling around wrestling. As soon as the third sees what the others are up to, he will stop whatever he's doing and launch himself into the pile. Like all brothers, sometimes it gets a little out of hand and someone ends up getting hurt (not injured), and he gives a loud squeak to let them know. Usually they settle down at that point, but now and then I have to pick someone up and remind them to be nice, which usually serves as a little distraction which is enough to lower the intensity of the play. They have such a cool relationship! I love the way they all like to snuggle up together to sleep.

The video is of the boys trying to get the jawbreaker out of Luciana's mouth. They like to inspect your mouth if you have the audacity to eat in front of them, and if they like the smell of what you have, they will try to make it their own.

2011-12-12T20:31:00.000-06:00

'Tis the season where everyone on college campuses across the U.S. is stressed. Students are slacking on thing like sleep and personal grooming. The halls are filled with students wandering around in sweats with vague, glazed, worried expressions, fueled on only caffeine. Professors are starting to lose track of what day of the week it is, as all days are all filled with grading and very stressed students (who probably should have started their final projects a few weeks earlier than they did) looking for help.

I'm in my last week of classes, and that means I have many--so many!--final projects coming in over the next few days, which means lots of grading. Though I don't enjoy the actual process of assigning grades, I do enjoy seeing their projects. Finals are next week. Only one of my classes is actually taking a final exam, and the other three are submitting projects. Two classes will also be doing presentations next week.

Poppy is still in her very curious toddler phase. She wants to taste and play with everything. It's so fun to watch the intensity with which her little tongue explores every texture within reach. She also likes to sit on my keyboard and watch my screen while I'm working, and that makes typing quite challenging. My friend Allegrea was wearing a ring with wavy ridges on it, and Poppy just LOVED playing with that. She was obsessed!

Her parents are still doing a fantastic job at taking care of her. I am so proud of how well they've raised her and continue to do so. I wish more humans would be as active, involved, and loving with their children. She has quite a charmed life! When she's in the herbivore room, her parents are always near (less than a foot away), with one on each side of her. If she gets too far away, they call her back to them. She is getting really good at flying. I'm quite impressed by how well she is doing. She is eating on her own. I've seen her daddy escort her to the food dishes many times, and she is usually the first one to come and get their nightly produce treats.

When she comes out to play/work with me, I try to always bring her an assortment of items to explore and play with, so her brain continues to build neural networks. Science (and simple observation) has shown us that an enriched environment makes a better brain and a happier being, so we are working hard to keep Poppy happy, healthy, and smart.

When I return her to her parents, they are always so happy to see her come back. They immediately start chirping to call her over (they have very distinctive sounds that they use to communicate with each other) and when she arrives they check her over to make sure she's okay and then tidy up her feathers. I swear I've seen them shoot glances my way that make me feel very small for returning their child to them in such a messy state (though she looks fine to my eyes). She then hits her daddy up for some food. He tries to escort her to one of the dishes a few times, but usually gives in and feeds her. Then she goes to hit her mommy up for some food. Daddy seems to do more of the directing and guiding, where mommy just feeds her without making an effort at getting her to eat on her own.

One of the many very cool things about cockatiels is that like so many other birds, they generally mate for life and share equally in the nesting/parenting. From the very beginning, Darwin (daddy) has taken equal time sitting on the eggs and later Poppy, feeding, teaching, etc. They really do work equally hard at parenting. It has been so fun to watch their partnership through this process. I wish more humans raised their children with such a smooth, equal partnership. Darwin and Hurley were so impressive for first-time parents. I love all of my animals equally and with every fiber in my body--but I have a little extra respect for Hurley and Darwin after watching their self-sacrificing, nearly perfect parenting! And they did it all without hands! I am humbled by them.

They grow up so fast!

2011-12-02T19:53:00.002-06:00

I started the week off with the best of intentions, and started working on a blog post on Monday morning. I got pulled away from it and never managed to return. The students are heading into panic season, with final projects due. Despite my many warnings that programming projects cannot be started at the last minute like their other homework assignments, many of them waited until just a few short days before the project was due to start it. I am getting urgent, panicky emails, phone calls, FB messages, office hours visits, non-office hours visits--they track me down. It's frustrating to be so swamped with work, because they chose to ignore my warnings. UGH! Yet even though it was their own choice to put this off, I don't have the heart to say I won't help them or look at their code. As long as they're willing to learn something, I will find time to facilitate it. I will be a little irritated about it deep inside, though.

As rough as this semester has been, I am very happy that I've returned to teaching full-time. I love everything about teaching except grading. I also hate meetings, but they seem to be inescapable. I am excited to see their final projects--especially my programmers and web developers! I enjoy looking at their work but not giving them a grade. It feels much more judgmental and authoritarian than I am comfortable with. Until colleges offer a grade-free degree option, I will have to bear with this one unpleasant aspect.

The only other unpleasant side effect of teaching full time again is that it has apparently brought back my laryngitis problems. I am currently unable to speak above a whisper. I squeaked through last night's class (literally!) and am already frustrated and crabby from being voiceless. I got laryngitis once or twice per semester by the end of my previous full-time teaching stint, and then only had it once in the six years that I was only teaching one class per semester. I will have to go back to looking for ways to prevent this and make sure I always have a "Plan B" for class in case my voice decides not to show up.

Poppy is so grown up (she is in the background of this picture)! She is as big as her parents--maybe slightly bigger than her mommy (in the foreground of this picture)--except her tail feathers are still shorter. She can fly fairly well already. She still can't control the height very well and usually rises up to the ceiling. She is able to steer and control where she goes, just not how high she goes. She is doing well though and will have it down in no time.

She is starting to eat some things on her own (especially greens and apples) but still follows her parents around whining for food nearly all the time. They still feed her, which is quite comical now, as she is so big. She loves to come out and sit with me while I work for a few hours a day. She intermittently chews/explores with her beak, naps, and snuggles.

Tica is enamored with Poppy. They are never unsupervised, but under full adult supervision, Tica likes to headbutt Poppy, and Poppy likes to preen her ears and head. They are just adorable!

Poppy's First Photoshoot

2011-11-20T19:04:00.000-06:00

She's three weeks old today and loves the camera! These are some of the shots I took earlier today. I saved my very favorite Poppy picture ever for last. :) She's in her chewing phase right now, and since cockatiels use taste rather than smell for identification, she's extremely oral. She's very gentle with her tasting and so far only chews approved chewies we have given her. She has shown no inclination to eat on her own, despite me trying to offer her various foods throughout the day. I'm guessing that since she's the only chick to care for, she will wean on the late side.

Her painful wax sheaths that cover each emerging feather are starting to fall now, making her a very mess little bird. She's working hard to preen her feathers out, her parents are helping, and L and I are helping as well. It's extremely uncomfortable for the birds to have those wax sheaths poking into their skin--it's kind of the bird equivalent of the unpleasant teething phase that human babies have to go through.

I'm seeing a glimmer in sight of actually reaching the point of being caught up with things (except our house projects, and that's hopeless right now) and I'm feeling so much better. It seems like every time I've reached this point over the last few months, something ridiculously unexpected pops up and knocks me back down. I'm feeling quite positive that this time I will reach that thrill of not being behind on things, even if it's only for a day!

In Solidarity: The Gordan Shumway Brigade

2011-11-20T11:51:00.005-06:00

My morning was brightened significantly by the Animal Liberation Frontline newsletter. Though you don't hear of it in mainstream news, our liberating heroes have been very busy saving lives for the past few months. Thousands got to enjoy fresh air and freedom and the chance to control their own destinies, due to these liberators. My heartfelt thanks goes out to the GSB! Here is the latest news, and the communique is brilliant and inspiring:

The past 3 years, mink liberations have surged in Oregon. This was the fourth mink liberation in the Astoria area alone in the past three years. In July 2010, the Animal Liberation Front took credit for setting fire to to several vehicles and a barn at the Ylipelto Fur Farm, also in Astoria. October 4, 2009 saw another 300 mink released from the same location, which was also the site of the release of 1,500 mink in 2008.

On the evening of September 24, we visited the mink farm on Savola Road in the outskirts of Astoria, Oregon, cutting holes in their fences before making our way through their sheds and opening cages.

Capitalism is cancerous and deadly to every life it comes into contact with. We’re not interested in reforms and stall tactics, nor in the continuance of a culture that views lives as an economic resource.

On these cooling autumn nights we warm our fingers on the breeding records we took from your sheds and throw into our fire, and take comfort in seeing that some of us still have it in them to run into the wilderness beyond the fences.

For those whose sympathies lie with laws and commerce over lives, look around: retailers and restaurants are catching fire, windows are broken, tires slashed, and security costs are rising. Now might be a good time to consider another line of work.

This action was dedicated to the radical teachers, gardeners and foragers, to those embezzling from corporations, sharing indigenous skills, setting fires, molotoving cops, and all those working to challenge capitalism’s deathgrip in their own communities. Your work inspires us.

Fewer calls to action, more action.
The Gordon Shumway Brigade

Baby updates

2011-11-14T17:28:00.002-06:00

My precious baby mouse passed away in my hand on Saturday night. (He was alive and well in these pictures.) He had been doing quite well, and was getting very active and spunky. He had completely taken over my heart! He was happiest when with me, and would eagerly scramble into my hand whenever available. He loved to nestle his little head in between my first two fingers. He also fought and grabbed with all four limbs when I tried to deposit him back in his snuggly little bed. He was suckling well (preferably on the inside of our lips, as he seemed to prefer the softer skin), though it was a little painful when he started testing his teeth out as all little ones do eventually. He wanted what any other baby wants--NOT to be alone, to be warm, safe, receiving food and affection on a frequent and regular basis. Saturday afternoon, however, he took an inexplicable turn for the worse. I miss him terribly and am devastated by the loss. I feel responsible, as I failed him somehow. I'm still very sad.

On the positive side, Poppy has continued to thrive and is HUGE and healthy. She changes tremendously from day to day. She also loves affection and food. Her parents don't spend much time cuddling with her now that she can maintain her own body temperature with no problem, though they are feeding her very well. She loves to come out and snuggle up on my chest and much prefers that to being left alone in her "nest". These pictures were taken yesterday, and she already looks different today. Her feathers are growing very fast!

He loves belly buttons

2011-11-10T17:37:00.000-06:00

Little guy's favorite place to snuggle up and nap is in my cleavage, but that's not always available. He decided L's navel might work as well, but it wasn't quite as roomy as he had hoped.

He is getting very spunky and naughty. He screams at me for food and also if I move too much and disrupt his cleavage naps.

He really wants to suckle and is starting to suck on skin and open his mouth and try to suck the syringe. I got him a tiny little nursing bottle and put the smallest nipple on it, but that doesn't seem to work for him. He's a very fussy, slow eater, and I'm hoping to find something that speeds up the process, but no luck so far.

EYES!

2011-11-09T09:40:00.000-06:00

Poppy's eyes have finally opened!

We have had a new baby join us, as well. I'm currently feeding and caring for this little mouse who was dropped off by a student Monday night.

One Week

2011-11-06T19:52:00.003-06:00

What a difference a week makes. She seems to be growing heavier each time I pick her up! Her eyes are very close to opening, and we should see them in the next day or so.

She's apparently been named Poppy, as I discovered when L gave me the birthday present she made for me. It's a beautiful digital image she made me with a picture of what she thinks the baby will look like when she is full grown. The picture's title, as you can see, is "Poppy".

Baby's fifth day

2011-11-04T22:01:00.002-05:00

I took her away from her parents for a couple of hours this afternoon to let her crop empty out. It also gave her poor, thin parents a chance to take a break and fly around. They spent most of their free time eating. This allowed them to digest a little more of their intake, rather than just giving it back to baby.

Baby was very demanding during the time I had her with me. She demanded food and took short naps, and that's normal. They basically sleep, eat, or beg for food. They are growing so rapidly and will eat themselves to death if given the option! That's why baby is spending a few non-eating hours with me every day now.

None of the other eggs have hatched, and their incubation time is up. We will remove the eggs tomorrow, so the parents have less to worry about and tend to.

It's time to come up with a name for baby, because she seems to be thriving, and I'm feeling more optimistic about her surviving. Also, the girls are demanding it. They each have names picked out (none of which thrill me), so there will be some negotiating over the next few days until we all agree on something.

Baby's fourth day

2011-11-02T18:32:00.001-05:00

She continues to grow by the minute and gets stronger every time I visit her. No, I don't know what the gender is, but I would rather go with "her" than "it". I have a 50% chance of being correct.

I'm getting increasingly neurotic about her, examining every part of her and constantly researching whether this or that is normal. She's quite transparent at this point, so I can see so many colors and shapes inside of her that I get concerned about each one.

Now every single time I go in to check on her, her crop is full. I can tell it's moving, because the shape and coloration of the contents show through and change. I'm worried that her parents are overfeeding her now. I will probably take her to the avian vet on Thursday or Friday, just to calm my increasingly neurotic obsession with her health and development.

Happy little ratty boys

2011-11-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

The ratty boys' permanent cage arrived this week. The friend from whom we were borrowing their temporary cage had an unexpected opportunity to take in two abandoned rats, so they will be living in a rat mansion too, when we get the cage back to her. She will then hook it back up to the other large cage she has for them.

L did a good job researching cages to find the biggest and safest one available. She also managed to find one at a pretty good price AND on sale! That's my girl. She wanted a luxury home for them, so she generously offered to forego presents this Christmas and her upcoming birthday. I don't plan to take her up on that, but I appreciated her offer.

They absolutely LOVE it. They have already explored each of the levels, and really like running up and down the ramps. They are just adorable!

Baby's third day

2011-11-01T17:29:00.000-05:00

Mommy and daddy are doing a spectacular job of keeping baby fat and warm. I am still helping out with some supplemental feedings. It's hard work for them, and they have both thinned out a bit. I'm giving them lots of extra produce to keep them strong and able to share their food with baby.

Annual Day

2011-10-31T16:05:00.002-05:00

L's Annual Day performance was Saturday. She was feeling very poorly as a result of a horrible cold, and I really struggled with the decision of whether to let her perform or keep her home. Because of the nature of her dance, her missing the performance would have meant her partner (Gopika, to her Krishna) couldn't dance and then the whole group would be asymmetrical on the stage. I felt so bad for her, because she was so obviously miserable.

This was her first time dancing as Krishna, and since she was portraying a male, her makeup and jewelry were much simpler than usual. She still had a chapped red nose, the poor thing.

She did a really good job on her dance, and we were so proud of her for being such a little trooper through the whole thing.

I was feeling increasingly rotten through the day and was quite tired and stressed, which I assume is why my brain left me, and I didn't get her performance on tape. She came out, and I was trying to get a good picture of her, which isn't easy in a dark auditorium. They were about 1/3 of the way through the dance when I realized I wasn't taping. Then I decided at that point that it was too late to start (WTH was I thinking?!), so I got none of it on tape. What an idiot!

Still alive and a surprise

2011-10-31T03:47:00.000-05:00

We've had a harder time than usual keeping up the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure there is enough time to keep up with work, homeschooling, and the animals. L had a dance performance yesterday, so we were making a few trips to Verona each week for extra practices. That was time I didn't have to spare. I feel rotten and panicky all of the time, because I can't keep up with this, but none of my commitments are optional. So of course it would be just during this time period that my computer started misbehaving and ultimately dying.

The problems slowed my work down significantly for the past week, but I didn't have the time to deal with it, so I just kept working and hoping the computer would keep up. It continued to get worse but still no time to do anything other than the most basic troubleshooting. Long, long story short. It failed. I failed to fix it. I'm farther behind and more frustrated. My friend, O, is the recovery expert and will pick it up tomorrow. Fingers are crossed!

L & H have had a nasty cold (that keeps getting worse!) for the last couple of weeks, while I've had a minor one. Last night, mine became major and it's quite rotten. I feel so bad that the poor children have had to suffer this! I have an unbelievable amount of work that needs to be done, but I feel too foggy and crappy to give it the attention it deserves. By blogging, I can at least cross a very overdue item off my list. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow and can be more focused.

So the pictures/video in this post are the other enormous monkey wrench that's been thrown into this mess. Imagine my shock (and the pit that appeared in my stomach) when L informed me this morning that there was a freshly hatched cockatiel that wasn't there last night when I "tucked them in". Our birds have laid eggs for decades and we've never had baby cockatiels. The eggs are always infertile and eventually abandoned. These two cockatiels have laid, perhaps ten clutches of eggs--none of which contained viable 'babies'. Generally, cockatiels are picky breeders, requiring a nest box and very specific conditions. Neither of these birds had ever bred/parented before.

They've always been faithful sitters, and this time was no exception, but none of us expected a live creature to emerge! They were as shocked as we were, when a living creature emerged. They fled the cage in which the squeaky creature lay, and looked down at it very intently and trepidatiosly from up above. The pathetic little creature was cold and was furiously squeaking for warmth and food. The parents were frightened. L and I ran out to get handfeeding mix for birds. I feed the baby, which was very tough the first time. The beak is still quite soft--like skin. The baby doesn't even know to open the beak yet, so it has to be gently pried apart. You can see the little egg tooth in some of the images. That will be gone soon. We had to lure them to and close them in the cage, in an effort to push them into parenting, and then I tentatively placed the full, tired baby near them.

New c. parents often fail their first time. They seem to take a round or so of experience to catch on. {I have never bred birds or experienced this but have researched the topic.} Daddy immediately ran to cover and protect the egg from the squeaky creature. Mommy (in the foreground of the video, with the 'pearls' on her back feathers) came over and watched the creature very curiously, and after a few minutes, came up and gently touchebd it with her beak. She timidly started grooming the baby's fluff. L and I watched her closely (partially out of curiosity, but mostly to make sure the baby didn't get injured in any way) and saw her increasingly gain confidence with her mothering, and we saw the moment the maternal instinct kicked in. Mommy's expression changed, and she immediately--carefully and confidently--tucked the baby underneath her and then directed very protective body language toward us. She let us know it was HER baby and we would have to get through her to get to that baby.

I've been feeding the quickly-growing baby every two hours and will have to continue to do so through the night. UGH! That means no Nyquil for cold relief. :-( We're getting better at the feeding thing each time. Baby can hold her head up for a few seconds at a time and opens the little beak most of the time during feeding. Mommy and daddy are doing a spectacular job of keeping her clean and warm. They hiss at me but ultimately let me remove baby for feedings. I really, really wish they would figure out the feeding thing and take over. I can tell by the size of baby's crop that they are not yet feeding her at all. L told me earlier today, when the parents were still staring at the little creature with confusion, that she felt like she was watching "Sixteen and Pregnant" (which she's heard about but has not seen).

Nala

2011-10-15T21:09:00.001-05:00

We had Nala for the day today, as my parents were out of town. She loves to run around our fenced-in backyard with our dogs. Unfortunately this afternoon, she found the smelly black sticky stuff (M's pretty sure that it's from mushrooms!) that Daisy occasionally rolls in. She also found a patch of burrs to roll in. She had a blast, but came back in the house looking and smelling like hell. I put her in the tub, scrubbed her, pulled and cut the burrs out, and wrapped her loosely in a towel and laid her on my bed. She lay that way without moving for about 15 minutes. Then she got up and ran around the house for a while. She had a big day!

Changes and Goodbyes

2011-10-03T17:29:00.000-05:00

This weekend we lost our little gerbil, Botswana. It wasn't particularly a surprise, as he's been steadily going downhill since his vet visit. He enjoyed his unlimited blueberries and all of his other favorites right up until the end. He died, we hope in his sleep, in his favorite little spot. Saturday afternoon we buried him in the back garden. L was heartbroken, of course, but she knew it was coming and that he doesn't have any pain or suffering now, so is happy for him.

We miss him so much already, though! His cage is still in the same location as none of us is ready to take it down yet. Everytime I go in the herbivore room, I miss his little face! I loved our treat routine and the way he listened for the treat container and came charging out to see which type of produce I had brought in. He had so much personality tucked into his tiny little body. We enjoyed every single minute we had with Botsi!

L went to pick up her rats Sunday afternoon, which turned out to be great timing. M drove her to the rescue in IL, while I stayed home to work on grading and making jambalaya. She's been so busy getting ready for them and then getting them acclimated that it's been a great distraction from her sadness over Botsi. Her three boys are very intrigued by everything in their new house. This is the first portion of their house. We will continue adding to it and expanding it, but we will let them adapt to each part first.

Quince

Walter

Womble

She has named the rats Walter, Womble, and Quince. I actually chose the name Walter, as that was part of the agreement--I would let her get the rats as long as one could be named Walter, after our hero-friend Walter Bond. I had other cute names, too, but she rejected them and stuck with her own.

The two bigger boys (Walter & Womble) remind us so much in personality of Basil & Charlie (the cats). Quince is smaller and more shy. They all love interaction and attention and have already learned to run to their door to come out to play. Walter & Womble both like to ride on her shoulder, which she loves! Quince loves to be out but is a little nervous up on a shoulder.

The cats are intrigued with them and watch and smell, but they are safely locked in L's room unless we are with them and actively watching them. Tica is the only cat who sleeps in L's room at night, but we're not worried about her. The big boys are almost as big as she is, and she's afraid of everything, so she just watches from afar.

You'll notice in these pictures that Walter has a green mark on his side, and Womble has red. Until we learn their little faces, markings, and mannerisms, the dots help us tell the bigger boys apart. We are having so much fun with them!

They are super cute when they groom, and they often do parallel grooming. They are very tidy boys.

Entropy sucks!

2011-09-24T11:40:00.003-05:00

Tonight is the Alliance's Annual chili cookoff. I have to run out this afternoon and pick up some supplies for that. I also have about eight hours of grading (at least) that needs to be done today between now and five when we leave for the dinner. So what does a responsible adult do in a situation like this? She comes up ways to procrastinate the grading, of course!

My little Colorado river has not given up on her rat campaign. In fact, she has stepped it up--writing me little essays about rats, essays on how much research she has done, stating how good her time management skills are, sending me constant links to cages, pictures of rats... My husband has bailed, as he always does in such situations. He knows he is helpless against her assaults, so he completely bows out and says something like, "it's up to mom". He's also working so much he's a virtual non-entity in our home these days, so it's just the raging river and me, the mountain that will soon be the Grand Canyon. Damn me and my logic-based democratic parenting!

We had to schedule a vet appointment for Botswana who has started to show some definite signs of aging. He suddenly stopped eating his sunflower seed treats, which he usually can't eat fast enough. He continued eating softer foods but has dropped some weight in the last couple of weeks. We took him to our rodent specialist vet and he checked out okay. He has no teeth or mouth problems, his heart sounds great, he has no growths or indication that there is anything wrong with him. He was diagnosed as being a very geriatric gerbil.

Of course there's no way to know with 100% certainty that he doesn't have some kind of cancer or organ issues--there just isn't any way to determine that without opening him up for surgery, and that is not an option. That's the exact problem that haunts me--what if he's in some kind of horrible internal pain! I don't want him to suffer at all, but there is no way to determine that.

He's slowed down and is not coordinated, so I also was concerned about arthritis pain. L has rearranged his cage to prevent falls from climbing, and she's added lots of padding, so if he does fall, he shouldn't be hurt. The vet said that I can give him a small dose of baby aspirin (8 ml every four hours) to minimize pain and inflammation. He's also on a softer diet and seems to be loving it. We are giving him the small animal critical care mix with a syringe, and he chows that right down. He holds the syringe in his little hands like a bottle! We also got him (unsalted) sunflower seeds without the shell, and he is loving that. Because he is old and his weight's down, he can have unlimited quantities of his favorite fruit, in addition to his daily veggie produce. He seems to be very happy with being able to eat as many blueberries as he wants! He is such an adorable little guy!

These photos are all from a 'session' L tried to do with him this summer. It's hard to get good photos of a tiny guy who doesn't hold still!

Tempest and Touchdowns

2011-09-17T19:55:00.005-05:00

We spent a wonderful night last night in Spring Green, watching American Players Theater's production of The Tempest (probably my third favorite Shakespearean play). My overly generous friend, Julie, got tickets for us in her stubborn effort to repay a favor, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. My friends don't listen to me any better than my husband does! At any rate, M, L, Hunter, and I went to the play. We were worried about getting rained out, but the weather held up. It was a chilly night, but we dressed in lots of layers and were pretty comfortable through the performance.

The show was FAN-fucking-TASTIC! The setting was beautiful! I was really impressed by the actors--they must have been freezing but they never showed it! All four of us enjoyed it so much. I especially enjoyed the actor who played Ferdinand. I liked his interpretation of the lovesick prince. In the interest of full disclosure, in addition to enjoying his performance, I enjoyed the hell out of looking at him; he's beautiful and built quite nicely. ;-) The actor who played Caliban did a very nice job, too (and with a difficult role). The goodbye scene between Prospero and Aerial brought me to tears. The whole thing was just top notch!

The kids absolutely loved the cross-dressed male performers in the role of the sprites/chorus. They giggled every time the guys came out. They caught and giggled at some of the jokes but missed some too. They didn't catch on to the funniest (and bawdiest) of the jokes, which was probably good.

L and I were mesmerized by the many bats flying around throughout the performance. They lived in the high wooden walls around the stage. It was the perfect bat habitat and they fit well into the theme/setting of the play, which was set outside on a magical island. They did a great job at keeping the place bug free. They were constantly flying into and out of the stage walls, and would climb up the walls and slip through the cracks between the planks and out of sight. They were coming out of the same area under the stage as the actors were and often came in very close contact with each other. Bats flew across and around the stage all night, sometimes coming very close to the actors--in some cases I feared there would be a collision (there wasn't), but the actors never flinched or responded in any way. The actors never missed a beat. It was impressive.

This morning we went to watch our friends Logan and Colton play football. Logan played last year; this is Colton's first year. He looks so cute with his tiny self in the huge football uniform!

As part of L's aggressive campaign to get me to allow her to adopt two rats, she has taken up drawing rats and making rat art. She made these two 8x10 canvases and put them on my bedroom wall but has informed me that my keeping the pictures is contingent on how I respond to her rat endeavors. She's enlisted her sister's help, as her sister has also always wanted rats and loves the idea of being able to visit and play with them but not having to do the associated work. (By the way, I ADORE rats and would love to have them too, but for many reasons do not think this is the appropriate timing for that.)

She is also working on enlisting my friend Allegrea in the rat campaign. Allegrea understands both points of view and will remain neutral. We went downtown this afternoon to see A working on her plaster sculpture outside (poor thing was so cold!) for Art Infusion. I knew L would find a way to work her rat campaign in before we left. The child is relentless!

2011-09-13T14:26:00.000-05:00

Some nights, L brings a guinea pig upstairs to sit in her lap during reading time. Last night she brought Luna. We adopted Luna and her mommy when she was a tiny little piggy. She grew up with us and is very self-confident outside of the herbivore room.

Sometimes the cats ignore the piggies, and sometimes they are interested in sniffing. L and I are always very close and watching carefully, because it only takes a small scratch to allow fatal bacteria into the guinea pig's blood. So far none of the cats have ever been aggressive, but we will always be very cautious and aware.

Oliver, Basil, and Tica thoroughly sniffed Luna, who continued her satisfied little almost-constant soft chortle unconcernedly. Basil was pushy about his sniffing, which isn't surprising as he's pushy about everything. When Tica finished sniffing Luna, Luna returned the favor. As soon as L took her hand off Tica, she ran away frightened.

I like this shot of Basil and Tica--our biggest and smallest side by side.

Hot Dogs

2011-09-12T09:32:00.003-05:00

I was planning to blog tonight, though with no idea as to what the topic(s) would be. I've thought of very little other than school and getting through the first week of classes for quite a while now. I made it through the first week. Whew. Now I only have fourteen weeks to go, and I'll be through the first semester. The first week, first semester, and first year is always the toughest for me. I don't love adjustments. Getting through each of these firsts, for me, means that I'm adjusted and look forward to the feeling of being in my groove which makes everything easier.

We watched Taming of the Shrew (the BBC version w/Jon Cleese) tonight for our family movie night. It was the first time Luciana had seen it, and she laughed and seemed to enjoy it. I left the subtitles on for her, as they speak very fast Brit, and can be hard to follow. She said they were very helpful.

After the movie ended, L and I were chatting for a bit before she went to bed (not to sleep, but to bed), and she asked me if dogs have hot flashes after they are spayed. I don't know why I never thought of that before! So I looked it up, in several different ways and found that nobody seems to know for sure.

Why wouldn't they experience them? They are mammals who experience hormones much as we do. The ovaries and uterus are removed, causing the sudden cessation of estrogen production. It's the same surgery I and countless other women have, which can indeed cause horrific hot flashes. When I observe our girl dogs' behavior in that light, it really seems to indicate that two of the three do have behavior that is inline with what you would expect to see if they were experiencing hot flashes. Random, climate-independent panting that both stops and starts suddenly--and on several ocassions, I have noticed that Chloe is hot to the touch. Poor pups!

Magic Mouse

2011-08-29T21:45:00.001-05:00

The twins have always had a passion for their little red mousie toys. When they were kittens, Dej used to get the mousie toys in big packages with several colors, and each package contained two red mice. The red ones were always the hands-down favorite of the boys, though we were always a little puzzled as to why. The toys were identical in every single way except color. The red mice were usually mangled, destroyed and thrown away, as the boys were so rough with them.

The other mice often mysteriously disappeared before they were destroyed. We've never been totally clear on where they mice and other small cat toys went. Sometimes Daisy gets them and shreds them. Sometimes Jezi gets them and hides them in her bed. I'm sure there is a collection under our refrigerator and hidden in various strange places. Or perhaps they ended up in the other dimension in our house, where a series of both large and small items have completely vanished to never be seen again.

Last week, we found a red mouse. It just appeared one day--we have no idea where it's been for years. The boys were so happy to see it, especially Charlie. He loved that mouse with the special passion reserved only for the red ones. He played with it for hours on end. He really loved to hide it under the yoga mat and then sneak up and pounce on it. He carried it around in his mouth, prancing and trilling like the king of the jungle. He thumped it with his back feet until the seam ripped a bit and the poor mouse begged for mercy. He spent four or five rapturous days with his mousie love and then it disappeared as mysteriously as it came. Maybe Charlie has a special hiding place that he tucked it away for safe keeping. We may never know!

Last Sunday was my mom's birthday. We went out for dinner and came back to their house for pie and gifts. We all had a very nice time celebrating my mom's uh...45th. Here are some nice pics from that day. (Yes, I'm still very behind on everything!)

Nothing left but weeds and memories

2011-08-21T19:37:00.001-05:00

I'm still working very hard at both jobs. It will be rough for another couple of weeks, but things should start to normalize eventually! We've squeezed some activities into our work-packed schedules though. Last weekend M & L were out of town at M's cousin's wedding. I stayed for a nice, long productive weekend. H was with me for the first portion of it and was very chatty. I did get a couple of days to myself though and managed to get a fair amount of work done.

Dej and I loved the dress L picked out for the wedding and wished we could find it in our sizes, though Dej is pretty sure she could squeeze into her sister's if given the opportunity. L does not intend to give her that opportunity. We had just gotten her a nice summer dress at the beginning of the summer. She's not terribly into wearing dresses right now, but always needs to have one on hand so she has appropriate clothing for dressy events. She has already outgrown that very cute dress, so we had to run out and get an emergency dress for this wedding.

Yesterday we had to attend a family reunion immediately followed by the Heartland Farm Sanctuary Dinner & Auction. We were all very tired from an action-packed weekend when we arrived last night, but we had a great time! My friend, Kristin, coordinated this event. We've been to so, so many fundraising dinner/auctions, but I've never seen one run quite so well. I mean, I knew Kristin was a smart, fun, ball of energy, but now I'm a little intimidated by her kick-ass skills. The girl is the flipping rock star of event planners! Seriously, we were just blown away by what a fantastic job she did one absolutely everything.

Dej & Russ attended with us. We all had fun bidding on the TONS of awesome auction items, and I won the one item I most wanted and was sure I couldn't afford. I adore these pigs and am eager to find the perfect spot to display them.

We (L, H, and I) also squeaked in a last-minute trip to Six Flags with my friend Orinda and her boys. We had great weather and it was a wonderful day. All four of the kids like the big rides and are up for riding anything they are big enough for. We got pictures of the kids and I on the Logger's Run and on Superman. Funny how Orinda managed to avoid being in any of the pictures.

Dance Camp for L and Big Changes for me!

2011-08-12T19:14:00.007-05:00

Today was L's last day of dance camp, so the children showed us this afternoon what they've been doing all week. She showed two of the new steps she learned. They sang two songs, showed some yoga poses, told us some Hindu mythology stories, and showed the arts and crafts projects they made. She had a lot of fun and will go next year, but I'm glad the daily trips are over now for a while. That is just way too much time in the car every day!

M & I had date night a couple of weeks ago and went to the new (only) Indian restaurant that just opened in town here--Taj Mahal. It was good! Really good! We will be going back. We had perhaps the best pakoras ever, and I could live on those things! I'm so happy I can finally have delicious Indian food without driving to Madison or spending the whole day in the kitchen.

Another random item I almost forgot to mention... We went to our friends' annual garden party on the aforementioned date night. We were chatting with a woman at the party, when she started talking about her duck car. Our host heard and offered to walk us the five blocks or so to the woman's house, so we could see the duck car. It was quite a site and worth the five block walk. The rubber ducks are all glued to the car. She is planning to add ducks to the sides, too.

Finally, in addition to being slowed by my wrist's recovery (I think we've finally got the abscess/infection clearing out of my incision scar), I've been extraordinarily busy due to my changing job situation. I will be returning to teaching at a full load this semester at the college where I've been teaching one course per semester. The original intent was that when I started the semester, I would be done with my M-W job in Madison. I've been scrambling to get my four new classes designed and prepared and loaded to the student site. I'm spending every fee minute working on that, as Sep 6 is coming all too soon.

Instead of leaving my other job however, I will be working from home (not going in M-W anymore and not working 20 hrs/wk anymore) as much as I can. I will continue to do both jobs that way, in addition to homeschooling Luciana. It will be rough for the first few months, but once I get all my classes prepped and in my groove it will be fine. I will be happy to have a month off for winter break and summers off again. That will leave me lots of free time as well as time to spend on my other job.

I keep reminding myself when I panic over all that needs to be done in the next few weeks that I really am beyond lucky. I have two jobs that I enjoyed that I was trying to choose between. I know in this economic climate, that right there makes me quite lucky! The main thing I hated about my previous primary job was the commute. Now, I don't even have to choose between the jobs--I get to keep both, and just change the proportion of my time spent on each.

A little more catch up

2011-08-08T20:59:00.020-05:00

Sketch of a dog, followed by the 'scratching' (don't know the technical name) of it.
L & H attended College for Kids two weeks ago. As always they had a blast. Dej attended CfK every year that she was in the age group (as has L) and always loved it too. They do a great job with it there, and I only wished it were two weeks long instead of one.

L & H both took digital art (Photoshop) class in the morning, so they were in that together. H made this magazine cover. They chose different afternoon classes though. L took an art class and H took a rocket building class, and we got to go see his rocket launch on the last day.
L brought home all of her art creations. I photographed the whole pile, or so I thought. Now that I look at the photos, I notice that some of her pieces are mysteriously missing from the pile. Those must be works that she didn't like as well. Her tesselation is missing, and I liked it. She complained when she showed it to me that it was crappy because she made a mistake.

This week she's at dance (Bharatanatyam) camp, which makes a very, very long day for me. I have to drop her off in Verona, which is farther west than my work in Madison, go back to work for the day, then drive back to Verona to pick her up, then finally back home. Since I hit beltline traffic on all four trips, it makes for a much too much car time--3.5 hrs today.

Going vertical

2011-07-29T10:13:00.009-05:00

My quest to examine my home from a cat's perspective has helped immensely. It's all about the vertical space, and as we add more of that, we get fewer arguments which means happier, less stressed cats and humans. We finally got our wall climbers hung (with the help of my brother-in-law), and they have been in heavy usage since. They LOVE these shelves!

They scamper up to the top and nap, watch the world, and feel like the ruler of the second floor territory. They also spend a lot of time up on the shelves playing--jumping back and forth, skittering across, around, over, and under the shelves.

The climbers are fairly expensive (though not overpriced), but they are handmade by animal lovers (yay! no corporate fat cats to collect my money) and they are remarkably sturdy and solid. I will definitely be ordering more as we can afford it--the peace and happiness they are bringing to our household are priceless! We ordered them from Crazy Cat Condos, and we started with 'package C'. It's fun to look at them and dream up fun and exciting configurations that will allow our little furballs to be jungle cats, peering down at the world from high in the tree tops.

Catch up

2011-07-26T20:44:00.018-05:00

L & H got to spend a day with the animals at Heartland Farm Sanctuary for farm camp a couple of weeks ago. M & I were both off work that day, so we dropped the kids in Verone at the farm and got to meet all the animals. The kids had a great time and can't wait to go back. I want to go back too, soon, to visit my new animal friends. They were all just fantastic, and I've been thinking about them since we left!

We did attend the wedding I blogged about--the much-too-young bride. It was a very, very hot day and an outdoor wedding; my arm was really hurting. The heat tends to make it swell more, which increases the pain. I'm glad we went, though, because as it turns out, we were the only people there who were not closely related to the bride/groom. It was a very small wedding, and our absence would have been very noticed and very hurtful, and I would be absolutely sick about hurting any of them. They are so young and inexperienced! I really wish them the best, and hope the young bride beats the odds and finds happiness. She's a beautiful girl and was a gorgeous bride.

Dej came over a few days before the wedding with a new dress she had gotten to wear for it. She fell in love with the dress, but it was strapless. Busty girls and strapless tops are never a good mix, so she planned on having me fix it for her. With the condition of my right arm, however, that was impossible. I measured, we went out to JoAnn's and found some crochet lace that worked perfectly, as the dress already had crochet lace at the hem. I measured again, cut and pinned the straps and talked her through the sewing process. It was a success and the dress looked great on her! I briefly entertained the notion that she would be able to do her own mending after this (and the child rips clothes like nothing I've ever seen--I'm always repairing things for her). I was wrong. She brought two dresses over this week for repair. Her cats chewed the strap off on one side of each dress. They will be sitting here for a while before I am able to sew again!

A tale of two hospitals

2011-07-19T18:52:00.021-05:00

A little over three weeks ago, I started out the door to take the three kids skating as I had a couple of weeks earlier, when my mom asked if she could come along. Her coming along was a last minute fluke that turned out to be a life saver! I can’t even imagine how much more horrible this would have been if I had been alone with the three kids, an hour away from home!

We were having lots of fun and Luciana was MUCH more confident on skates than she had been before. There was a church youth group there that had been driving everyone crazy the whole night. They had never been skating (or it appeared that way) and were constantly falling, causing others to either have to avoid them quickly or fall themselves. They were easy to spot because they were all wearing red t-shirts with big crosses saying, “We stand for life”. Too bad they couldn’t stand for skating! We managed to successfully avoid them most of the night, until a little girl fell in front of us, knocking Luciana down. I was holding Luce’s hand and almost made it upright, but the little girl’s wheel caught my wheel, and I went down, tried to catch myself out of instinct and shattered my right wrist. The little girl felt very bad about tripping us up and was very apologetic.

It was my first broken bone (other than a finger), and I did it well. It shattered the end of my radial bone. I had to have surgery to repair it and now my arm is full of hardware (plates, screws, and pins). It looks absolutely disgusting. It’s been three and a half weeks since it happened and it’s slowly improving. I’m still in a lot of pain and very limited with what I can do. My ability to clean and care for all the animals is extremely limited which leaves extra work for Mark and Luce. It’s been a huge pain in the ass and has left me feeling really vulnerable and ‘breakable’. I don’t like being dependent or feeling weak, so I’ve been extra crabby lately.

In May, we gave my M’s motorcycle to my dad, as Mark just didn’t use it. He had big ideas years ago when he got it, but it’s just sat in the garage since then. My dad passed his written test and started riding all over town right away—he was so happy on the bike, and I was happy to see it finally getting some use! This past Sunday was the final class for him to get his permanent license, and about midway through that I got a phone call from him (my mom was out of state with her sisters). I could tell by his shaky voice that something was wrong. He still doesn’t know what happened to cause it but the bike ended up tipping on him and he landed on his right side. His right leg was badly broken, with the ligaments badly crushed. He also has lots of nasty road rash and bruises. He also had emergency surgery and is now in the painful recovery stage. He said he will never ride a motorcycle again.

What’s interesting, besides the fact that we each had a ridiculous bone-breaking accident within a month of one another is that we had a similar experience but in very different hospitals. I ended up in Watertown hospital, which is part of the UW system. I wasn’t quite nervous about having surgery in a small-town hospital, but quickly realized it was a beautiful, well-run hospital.

From the time I arrived in the ER and was put in a bed, I stayed on the same bed until I went home. No painful transfers. They put me on ice and gave me pain meds immediately. The brought the xray machine into the room to take xrays. I never had to move, and if you’ve ever broken a bone, you know that moving it around while broken is excruciatingly awful! He was moved SEVERAL times, each time was incredibly painful for him. One time they used a board to facilitate moving him, which was much better than the other times where they had him scoot very painfully to a new bed while supporting his own unset, painful leg

My dad called from the parking lot where the accident happened and was waiting for the ambulance to arrive (while sitting out on blacktop on a 95+ degree day). The toes on his right leg were pointing backward instead of forward, so there was significant pain involved. We beat the ambulance to the hospital by about 45 minutes--not sure what they were doing, but he was NOT given any pain meds, nor did they put ice on him. I was put on ice immediately and given fresh ice throughout my stay.

My hospital room was very nice--clean, attractive, and most importantly PRIVATE. I didn't eat much there, but what they brought me was very good. I have stayed at Mercy for other surgeries, and even the fresh fruit was completely inedible, with the other options being even worse. My dad's room was crowded cluttered and shared with another person. There wasn't even adequate space for visitors. It is beyond disgusting that with what the hospitals charge per night, they force you into such cramped quarters and unsanitary conditions. Sharing a bathroom with a complete stranger, with unknown bodily fluids and blood in the mix is just repulsive. Given the per night rate of Mercy, I calculated that for the same amount, you could stay in a five-star hotel, live on room service, and pay a private nurse to adminster round-the-clock care.

As always, Mercy was understaffed, and the care he received was woefully inadequate. I would like to send them a bill for the nurse/CNA duties that we had to perform while he was there, because nobody could be found. The care and attention I received was wonderfully. I rarely even had to call for a nurse, and if I did there was an immediate response. They kept my pain meds coming (though I didn't partake in much), kept my fluids/IV bags changed as needed, and made it as pleasant as such a stay can be. Conversely, Mercy was a comedy of errors--forgotten, long-empty IV bags, they forgot to put any ice on for swelling, didn't bring a vomit receptacle until I tracked someone down for one (which barely made it in time), never checked on the rapidly swelling leg which was getting squeezed painfully and dangerously in the splint that we had to loosen (again...staff?), forgot to put the compression cuffs on his legs... I could go on and on as there where several other instances of poor care. Like every other experience I've had at Mercy it was just disgusting, unprofessional, and NOTHING they should be able to collect money for. I wonder if anyone has ever disputed the charges based on lack of quality care, sanitation, and overall subpar experience.

I find it quite hard to stomach the Mercy joke of a hospital, knowing that they are literally rolling in profits. Because they are a "non-profit" hospital, their number one concern is trying to spend the massive quantities of money that they made in profit, so they can retain their status. I really hesitate using the term non-profit on an organization whose CEO makes as much money as he does. It's appalling the money that they are pissing away on damn near anything, yet somehow it never crossed their mind to improve the quality of care, get adequate staffing, or consider the patients' comfort.

With as much time as I've spent in the hospital over the last few years, I feel like a connoisseur of medical facilities. I will be thrilled when the Dean hospital is opened up! In the meantime, I would travel to Watertown or Madison before I would spend a dime at the shit hole called Mercy!

I'm just now able to take pictures again for the first time. It's still a little awkward, so I'm not getting great shots. I was so bummed during my recovery that I didn't get any shots of the hundreds of asiatic lilies that were in bloom. It was stunning, and they were gorgeous. They are at the tail end now, with most of the asiatics being done. I took a few shots tonight of the garden, but it was definitely at its best about two weeks ago. I'm hoping M got some shots of it at that time.

I took this photo during dinner tonight. Charlie always hangs off things in the strangest ways. He seems to always have at least one set of legs hanging off the surface and sticking straight out.

Getting there...

2011-07-18T19:57:00.002-05:00

I'm working on a 'real' blog post, but typing is still slow going. I should have it typed up by tomorrow or Weds. For tonight, I just have to share a picture my mother-in-law sent me to cheer me up after I broke my arm. It was my first belly laugh after "the incident". Here's my man, the summer after he graduated from high school.

Not What I Had in Mind!

2011-06-28T23:07:00.004-05:00

my right! arm and the cervical nerve block they sent me home with. It just ran out last night. I miss it!

by my mom, Grandma B, who is guest blogging

Last Thursday, when I told my daughter, Amy/VeganMom, that I wanted to ride along to watch her and L and 2 friends roller skate because I was bored, I was far less bored than I could have imagined.

The hour drive to the roller rink was very enjoyable. We chatted and enjoyed the sights. We arrived at the rink and everyone went and got their skates, except me. (I am not and never have been remotely comfortable nor coordinated on roller skates.) I just wanted to watch the kids and Amy skate. She was an awesome skater when she was a teenager!

Well, I settled back with my book and read a little and watched a little intermittently; relaxing and totally enjoying getting out of the house for a while. After close to an hour, I picked up my book again when Amy skated up to me (Grandma B) and said she needed to go right away. I thought she was joking about being "too old and tired" to skate because she was sort of bent over and breathing hard. I was just about to say, "Sure, as soon as the kids are done, Old Lady", when I looked up and saw her arm. As I have experienced this several times with her brother, I knew immediately that it was broken and broken badly!! An inexperienced skater fell in front of her and she had no way of avoiding her and they got their skate wheels entangled and Amy fell (as did L).

We rounded up the kids, got her skates off and asked for ice, so that I could transport her to the nearest ER. The rink employees were very helpful and directed us "just down the road". About 25 min. later, we reached the ER. Time for x-rays, phone calls to Hubby, who was in Philadelphia, oldest daughter, her dad and the kids' parents.

Dr. came back in and said that he would put it back in place and she would need surgery tomorrow and she'd have to decide if it was in that hospital or the one in her city. Decision easily made to stay there and try to ease the pain and have surgery first thing on Fri. morning.

Time to drive home and deliver kids where they needed to be. It's now 12:15 a.m. and L wants a snack! Then off to bed so that we can rise early and get there in time to see her before surgery.

Surgery went well. She has a plate put in that I knew would frustrate her, but none the less, all went well. Phew! Now, just wait for her to be alert enough to be release. Now, because she CANNOT use her right hand, and she is right handed, you all will have to wait to hear the rest of the story from her. She should get her cast on next week and have some mobility then

I am very thankful that I was there to be with her and the kids that night, but I can think of many things that I would rather participate in to cure my boredom on a Thursday night! It really was not what I had in mind!

The first lilies and a dilemma

2011-06-21T19:21:00.012-05:00

I was home with a migraine today (again!! DAMN, I hate this weather!), so I spent most of the day alternating between napping and watching the Casey Anthony trial. It seemed like every time I woke up, Bozo Baez was getting chewed out by the judge for being either dishonest, stupid, or both. Wow! The migraine backed off to a headache a couple of hours ago, but it's ramping up again. Fingers are crossed that the Imitrex will keep it at bay! I need a good night's sleep tonight, as my head pain kept me up most of the night last night!

We received a wedding invitation in today's mail. I was expecting it yet hoping it wouldn't come. It puts me in a crappy position, and I don't feel like making a hard decision right now. The wedding is in just a few weeks, so I don't have much time to decide. I have a lot of personal rules about weddings, because I do take marriage as a very serious socio-economic, lifetime contract.

Here's the situation. The bride to be (BTB) is a young girl--same age as Dej--who was Dej's best friend from first grade until a few years ago. BTB was one of those girls who dumped all friends and completely immersed herself in the boyfriend for years. She bailed on Dej when she most needed her best friend. That fact right there significantly changed my relationship and feelings about BTB. However, she and Dej are still friends, just not nearly as close as they were. That's really not a big factor in the wedding decision however--just background.

BTB has only had the one boyfriend. She hasn't travelled. She hasn't gone to college. She went from mommy's house to living with boyfriend and has never been independent. She hasn't learned to make her own way in the world, discovered who she really is, and her brain hasn't even fully developed yet! For all of those reasons, (in addition to the fact that boyfriend just joined military, and we all know what the success rate of those marriages is) I don't support it. So I think this rushed wedding is a colossally bad idea and do not remotely support their union.

THAT is the big issue. I do not attend weddings unless I support the couple's marriage and would, if called upon, try to help them work out any issues and stay together for life. If I don't feel that way, I do not attend the wedding. I would not have wanted someone who did not support my marriage attending my wedding, and I don't feel it is honest or right to go to others' under those circumstances.

I flat out won't attend any weddings in a church. I spent enough torturous years in a church for an entire lifetime, and have no desire to endure any more. In addition, I will not sit through any of that insane religious babble ever again. I did enough of that for a lifetime, too. It's time wasted, in a very vile way, and I can never get it back. My time is too valuable to spend it that way. It would be really easy to avoid this wedding if it were in a church, but it isn't, so I can't fall back on that easy out.

I also don't attend any food-based affairs that are not vegan or at least vegetarian. My time is also too short to be offended and disgusted by people callously consuming the flesh of innocent beings. It doesn't sound as though the reception will be big or include a meal of any kind, so I don't have this easy out either. This wouldn't really absolve me from attending the wedding anyway, just the reception.

I DO care very much about this girl, despite everything that's happened through the years, and though I feel she is ruining her future, I do NOT want to hurt her in any way! Not only do I care about BTB, but we are close to her family--particularly her grandparents, and I don't want to hurt them in any way.

It looks to me as though I have two choices: 1) Be dishonest and fake and attend the wedding or 2) Be honest, don't attend, hurt feelings. I don't like either of those choices at all. Damn my mailman and his reliable delivery. Couldn't I get a Newman, who lazily hides bags of mail instead of delivering them?!

Mark took these shots. They are quite beautiful flowers, though not typically looked at that way. The first is a closeup of a sweetpea flower. We have them climbing our fence this year. The second is a distance shot of the sweetpea. The flowers aren't very showy and aren't very often even noticed. The last shot is a stunning purple flower on a plant growing near our neighbors' garage. Any guesses as to what it is?

It's deadly nightshade!

Father's Day

2011-06-20T21:11:00.008-05:00

The whole family (my parents, Dej & Russ, Mark, L & I) left at around noon to go to MadCity VeganFest. It is the first of what we hope will be an annual tradition. It was packed!! We had initially planned to eat there, but M decided he couldn't eat in such crowded chaos. The event was very well organized, and we left with a few new t-shirts.

We then went to The Green Owl for a delicious dinner. Dej and I ordered the (vegan) eggplant parmagiana. It was the first time we had it, and we LOVED it. Everyone really enjoyed their meal.

From there we went to stroll through Olbrich Gardens. It sprinkled off and on, but we didn't get enough rain to end our visit. After we walked the gardens (where L caught a small turtle and discovered several large frogs), we went through the conservatory. It was Russ' first visit to Olbrich

We came back to our house, so the girls could give their gifts to 'dad', and we had a gift for my dad, too. It was a lovely day, and I was glad we could all be together.

Thanks to the rain...

2011-06-17T17:27:00.008-05:00

Wednesday morning I came out the door to another gray, gloomy, rainy day. I noticed this rose and had to run back in to grab my camera and take this photo.

Here’s how yesterday's very important meeting day went:

5:00 am – Wake up and stumble to bathroom. Why, oh why, do I not know by now to look down, especially when barefoot? Thank you, Carrie, Queen of Giant Hairballs.

Fail to go back to sleep.
Try to put makeup on faster than I sweat it off.

Really?! Find that brand new micro fishnet nude hose have a giant hole in crotch. It’s my only pair and no time to get replacement, so I go with the extra venting and hope for the best. [Photo taken today. They didn't get any worse at least.]

Sweat.

I am certain that this skirt was not this tight last summer when I wore it. Curse. A few times. Damn that chocolate peanut butter zig zag (vegan) ice cream and her late night siren call to me.

Look in the mirror and realize this is one of those rare times (two or three per year, maybe) that my hair turns out just the way I wanted it to. It looks pretty good for a change! Maybe this day is starting to turn around a bit for me?

Drive to meeting location.

Arrive at the building; look in car mirror to fix melted makeup; dab sweat; realize that the sweat has moistened my hair enough that it has it curling in every direction. The style is completely obliterated. Pull it back into ponytail for control. Grrrrrr.

Realize while walking in to the building that the wind, my skirt, and my stockings are having a very unpleasant interaction, causing the damn skirt to ride up. Hold skirt to keep it in place while I walk the rest of the trek to the building.

The day has most definitely not turned around for me.

Sweat.

Go into the building. Finally. Continue to sweat.
Dread the thought that I will have to sweat through the next three hours of the meeting.

Move to meeting room. Frigid, cold meeting room. Oh sweet relief! Though I feel bad for my shivering colleagues, I am so happy for myself! There is only one moment, and it is this moment, and I AM NOT SWEATING!

Homeschool - Finishing 5th grade

2011-06-14T21:11:00.010-05:00

Before we jump into the school stuff, here's the adorable little old man, Jolsie, enjoying his penis-cleaning soak. Though he's been neutered, it kind of falls out sometimes (it's hard to hold things in when you're old) and gets stuff stuck to it, so the easiest way to clean it is a five minute soak in warm water--it wipes right off. He is pretty content in the water, though we provide a carrot for distraction. He nibbles and sits and thinks, then nibbles some more, then thinks some more. He doesn't seem to mind the soaking at all (seems to even like it), though he does HATE the wiping it clean part.

We are finishing up our fifth grade year of homeschooling. She has a couple of weeks left of history and language and will continue her maths throughout the summer, so we don’t lose ground on that. Here’s a synopsis of what we used/tried this year.

MATHS – Singapore Math
This has served us well, and we will continue using it. Some topics seem to have few samples which sometimes causes her difficulty in getting started. I would like to see one or more example for each type of problem that they complete in the Textbook, Workbook, Intensive Practice, and Word Problems books.

SCIENCE – Eclectic Mix
We used several different textbooks and workbooks for science. Of those we used, I liked the Spectrum books but they didn’t go as deeply as I would have liked and contained no hands-on work. I supplemented with experiments from several science textbooks I have accumulated. We spent about half the year on evolution, and the books we had (DK Eyewitness – Evolution and DK Evolution Revolution) were fantastic! She really enjoyed that unit and is very interested in it, mainly because of the focus on animals.

We also continued our study of the periodic table, using How Not To Teach Science materials, along with the book, The Elements: A Visual Exploration of Every Element in the Universe.

We continued to work with the scientific method. Science is SO important to me, that we have used a huge array of resources along with a great deal of informal lessons (very easy with our nature girl who loves to be outside in any weather and lives in a veritable lab with all of the animals and plants in our world). She also completed some studies on the human body/anatomy. I am in the process of researching a few very promising middle school science curriculums, as I would like a more coherent flow with strong hands-on exploration for the next couple of years.

HISTORY – Story of the World Book Three: Early Modern Times
Though I like this series and will continue next year with the fourth and final book, she has not enjoyed this period of history and will definitely not enjoy next year’s. She prefers natural history to ‘human’ history, and is pretty routinely bored and irritated with one story after another of males trying to acquire power at all costs (war). I share her sentiments, but this is nonetheless important information that she needs to master and understand. I disliked history in school and college, until I went about it from a literary approach rather than going from one war/pissing contest to another. Once she completes the final book of this series, we will revisit history in chronological order from a literary and philosophical perspective. We will both find that more interesting and enjoyable, I’m sure.

ECONOMICS – Uncle Eric books
We finished the third book of four at the first semester end. Initially my plan was to continue on with the last book in semester two. I held off on it, though. I found as we went through these books that despite liking the IDEA of the books, the implementation left much to be desired. I liked the straight forward, easy-to-understand explanations of fairly complex, difficult topics. I did not like that the author inserted his sometimes wrong, sometimes antiquated, often conservative Christian, and always unnecessary OPINIONS throughout the book without clearly distinguishing fact from opinion. It is very easy for me to see the difference, but was forced to read through each book, underlining and notating what was strictly the author’s opinion. Frankly, I couldn’t give a shit less what a random author’s opinion is on political and economic topics, and find that it really degraded an otherwise good resource. I am working on trying to find something better, still at a level she can understand. If I am unable to find something over the summer, I will be reduced to reading and notating the final book for next year.

LATIN – Lively Latin
We finished the Lively Latin course. It’s not bad, though there are some gaps between the information presented to the student and the questions asked of the student. She found this somewhat frustrating at times. She really disliked Latin and didn’t want to continue. I would like her to continue and am hoping to convince her at a later date to try it again.

SPANISH – Rosetta Stone
Instead of continuing with Latin, I gave her a choice of Spanish or French. She chose to start with Spanish (and after I spent lots of $$ on it, decided she wants to learn Hindi, too—maybe next year) and that seems to be going well.

LANGUAGE ARTS
Spelling & Vocabulary – She finished the Wise Guide for Spelling, which goes through high school level, this year. This book wasn’t bad as far as the word lists, which I used and appreciated. The majority of the rest of the book was unusable due to ridiculous, unnecessary religious content. My research did not indicate any of this in this program, so I was taken by surprise. Since I had already purchased it, I went ahead and used the word lists and made my own supplementary work to go along with it. Spelling is quite easy for her, and she does very well with it. I am actually trying to decide if I want to continue with a formal spelling unit or just let her to continue to pick it up as she goes. She reads so very much and is exposed to such rich language, that I don’t think she will ever have a problem with spelling or vocabulary.

Grammar – First Language Lessons: We are just wrapping up the last in the series of four. This series has done a fantastic job at presenting the parts of speech, diagramming sentences, and the rest of the grammar world. It is not her favorite, but she doesn’t hate it. I’ve been very happy with the series and wish they had a middle school level, but there isn’t one (at least at this point). That leaves me searching for a new curriculum for next year.

Writing – Writing is another skill that comes very easy to her. Both of my girls were natural and prolific writers (as I tend to be). We’ve been using her own stories and proofing and editing them, working on grammar, coherence, etc. We will continue to dig deeper in perfecting her own writing. Additionally, she has started working on a research paper. At this point, she is just researching and compiling information, based on her outline. Because this is a very easy topic for both of us, I have not sought out or needed a curriculum. I think I would like one for next year, though, because I want to get into the various types and styles of writing and would like an organized approach rather than our informal one.

Literature & Poetry – We’ve been using my own eclectic curriculum so far, which is easy for me. I had a Lit minor (undergrad) and am an avid reader and lover of books and poetry of all genres. L is also a bibliophile and reads a vast array of books both on her own and with me. We have so many interesting discussions on our reading! She has memorized several large pieces of classic poetry and will continue to do so. I also have a girlfriend who has just retired from teaching lit at UWW. She has volunteered to cover Shakespeare and poetry with L, so that will be fun for her to work with someone else. I was a student of Julie’s, way back in my undergrad, and she is quite brilliant! I’m sure L will enjoy working with her.

GEOGRAPHY – Spectrum
This wasn’t bad at all, but it wasn’t fantastic. I wish it had gone more in depth. I am shopping around for a new middle school geography curriculum.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Her Bharatanatyam classes and practice has covered an element of PE as well as served as a great cultural study. I also have her doing fairly intensive yoga workouts now. She’s a bit on the lazy side with this, and it takes constant motivation to keep her moving. She does dog walks as the weather permits and has access to the treadmill, which she seems to go through streaks with. Because she still spends so much active time playing outside, I think she gets enough activity. She has experimented with many sports through the years, but hasn’t really liked any enough to stick with. She did gymnastics for the longest but chose not to take those classes this year. Maybe she will go back next year?? She keeps saying she wants to do track, but there aren’t any age appropriate venues for that here.

MUSIC
This has been a big disappointment for me. I have been teaching her piano, which became like pulling teeth every single day to get her to practice or make any effort at all. She made a good case for taking violin lessons instead of piano, so I acquiesced. I have been searching for months for a recommendation for a good violin teacher but have not yet been able to find one. She needs to get back into some kind of music lessons by fall at the latest, so I’m afraid if I can’t track down a good violin teacher, it will be back to the piano wars.

ART HISTORY – The Usborne Book of Art
My focus is teaching her art history, rather than the mechanics of art. This book is a pretty good overview of the various periods of art. It is chronological, so it’s easy to tie into the time period we are studying in history and look at the various historical and political environment in which the art occurred.

Since both of the girls are amazing artists and I’m not, I really have nothing to offer here. She is very self-motivated, so as long as we provide the resources (unlimited art supplies, books she selects, classes, tolerating the endless messes, and hanging space) she is running with this on her own. I can help her with some things, but not many. Fortunately, she has her sister and my artist friend that she can use for resources and any help/advice she needs.

PHILOSOPHY – on hold
An author friend of ours wrote L a nice little philosophy guide. I also have several very good books on the topic. We scratched the surface of it the last couple of years, but I left off there. I just didn’t feel that her brain had developed to the point of really getting into the interesting, in-depth philosophical studies that I am looking forward to. Despite being very smart and quite mature, the areas of the brain that allow her to fully explore this topic just haven’t fully developed yet. I am seeing signs that she is ready, and will try to delve into this subject in the fall and see how it goes.

I have a fairly long list of various curriculums that I am currently evaluating. I have about a month to make a decision and acquire the materials. It will take me the rest of the summer to prepare everything and plan out the year. I will post back when I make some choices or at least get it narrowed down to two or three.

Fun Foliage

2011-06-13T20:20:00.007-05:00

We finally made it back to the roller rink Thurs. night. My girlfriend wasn’t able to join us, as her younger son broke his little arm (poor guy fell off the monkey bars at school!) the day before, and he needed his mommy home with him. This time, H joined us.

I set off with L and the two boys in the backseat, while I played chauffeur. It was a very interesting drive! The kids get along well together, and they were all silly and giggly. They were very entertaining. I was incredibly tired and going on around 2 hours of sleep, so I was a bit concerned about staying alert for the drive—especially the drive home. The kids were so loud and so entertaining, that I remained very alert (and laughing) for both trips. We saw a deer in the road on the way there and a raccoon in the road on the way back. Fortunately I am always obsessively scanning for creatures in or approaching the road, so we had plenty of time to slow way down and watch them safely cross.

Logan skated like a hockey player again, and he did very well, even participating in the limbo and the race. Hunter learned how to skate in school, so he was fairly proficient on his skates. He had a couple of minor falls but wasn’t slowed down at all. The boys seem to prefer solitary skating for the most part. They would ‘pop by’ and join us for a round or so and then go back to skating around on their own. Skating is a much more solitary sport for boys than girls. I observed the other kids there and noticed that the girls typically skated in pairs or groups—often holding hands. The boys typically skated on their own or chased one another.

L was much better on her wheels this time around. She had a couple of minor falls throughout the night, but was more confident and stable by far. She insisted on holding my hand most of the night but did end up taking 3 or 4 rounds by herself. I loved holding her hand and spending the time with her, but I have to admit that when the few good songs they played came on (Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Peas—since they don’t play Prince or Death Metal, that’s the best I could hope for) I really wanted to ditch her and go fast and have fun. I felt guilty for fantasizing about that though. ;) I know the days of her holding my hand for hours while we skate and talk will be gone very soon, and I will have plenty of time then to skate as fast as I would like and dance around however I would like. I am still trying to erase the pain of having to skate to anything by Justin Beiber. His music is just god awful and inexcusable! I stayed upright the whole night (thank goodness, as my knee is still a bit touchy from the previous trip’s fall), so I returned home feeling much better this time.

The kids informed me when we left (at closing time) that they were DYING of thirst, so we stopped at a drive through to get everyone a caffeine-free soda or juice. We dropped Logan off at home and then headed back to our house. I think we were all pretty tired out by then!

L & H played outside much of the weekend. I love that they can still happily pass an entire day outside in the yard

Date Night Saturday: Chautura (YUMMMY!!!) and to the Overture to see Bach, Dynamite and Dancing performance (music was great, except for the first piece which was meh; vocalists were great; plot/lyrics were not the greatest). I dressed up (white skinnies and this butterfly blouse, which I love), and my lovely daughter looked at me and proclaimed that I looked like I was pooping butterflies. (disclaimer: This is the same blouse on a model, definitely not me!) She's great at making me feel pretty like that.

roses

2011-06-12T19:49:00.008-05:00

The roses are blooming--at least the few that I have left. My once spectacular collection of roses has shrunk through the years. I'm going to either lose those that I have left or have to start spraying. I've tried companion planting (with garlic), but they still end up with horrible powdery mildew and being eaten by seemingly every little bug that exists. The Japanese beatles have been brutal, getting worse every year. If I start spraying, I can go back to having lovely, pristine roses, but I really, really hate using chemicals.

I have finally been able to find some weeding help, so there is hope that I may catch up with the weeding this year. It couldn't have worked out more perfectly (unless of course, my child really stuck with the weeding as she had planned), as he's from our animal lib group. He's a wonderful, bright veg college student who loves gardening and working outside. He's done a good job at clearing the front garden this weekend. He's almost halfway through!

I even managed to steal a little time this afternoon to do some weeding, though I probably should have been working on one of my many undone house chores or doing some programming for my contract job.

I had planned a much different blog post for tonight, but once I got started, I found I was too mentally lazy to write that post. I've been pretty busy all day, and it seems that sitting down with my computer has put a sleeping spell on me. I feel like I've been drugged and just need to sleep. No time for that now, but my more interesting post will have to wait for a day that I'm more ambitious.

OC time

2011-06-05T20:30:00.011-05:00

If you look between the weeds, our peonies are beautiful, and the roses are starting to bloom. I took a few shots quickly today--not the best due to the bright, full sun, but at least I got them. I totally missed the lilacs and the alliums, which were stunning. The whole front yard was full of giant purple balls, and everyday that I drove up to the house, I would be struck with how beautiful it was and think that I needed to get a picture. I never got the picture, and now they're gone until next year

The cat room and the hall are all put back together. It went so much more smoothly (thanks in large part to all the help from my dad) than I had imagined. L is still working on reassembling her room. She still has overflow in the living room and the upstairs bathroom. I'm kind of tired of looking at the big storage containers, so I am hoping she moves through the rest of her cleanup quickly.

I am SO happy with how the floors turned out. I absolutely LOVE them. Sometimes I just sit and look at the floors. It make my still-carpeted bedroom look so much more repulsive than before.

Carrie yakked up a big pile of liquid and catnip in the middle of the catroom floor this morning. It was so easy to cleanup, and so quick that I didn't even have time to mutter obscenities about it.

I go back to work tomorrow :( and I'm not at all happy about having to get up early again. I will also miss the live coverage of the Casey Anthony trial, which I was able to watch last week while doing the house projects. I'll be starting on a project that I'm really looking forward to (data warehouse stuff--YES!!), so hopefully that will keep me from missing the live trial coverage too badly.

As I walked through the dining room with my camera, I noticed all four shelves on the cat climber in use. (from top: Mimosa, Basil, Charlie, and Jasper)

I also noticed that M had the recycling staged and ready to take outside. It can only be taken outside early Monday morning (recycle day), because he doesn't like it to get too wet or nasty. He takes pride--a great deal of pride--in how nice he makes the recycling look when he packs it up for pickup. He's pretty certain that our recycling pickup crew talks about and looks forward to his tidy work. They must just weep on the weeks that he travels and I put it out on a Sunday night, all haphazardly stuffed into the bin. It's a good thing he isn't around to feel the shame of my very untidy recycle bin preparations!

True love

2011-06-03T19:54:00.005-05:00

The floor project is basically done, but we are still working on getting the contents of the two bedrooms and the hall put back where they go. The house is still a huge mess! My hands are pretty hosed from all the painting and sanding, so I'm keeping the typing to a minimum tonight.

Here's a shot of the two best friends, Jezebel and Petey. Petey loves her so much! He just lights up, starts purring, gets as close as possible and cuddles up to her whenever he sees her.

I just sent this quote to a friend, and because I love it so much, I'm going to hit CTRL-V and paste it here too:

The total amount of suffering per year in the natural world is beyond all decent contemplation. During the minute that it takes me to compose this sentence, thousands of animals are being eaten alive, many others are running for their lives, whimpering with fear, others are slowly being devoured from within by rasping parasites, thousands of all kinds are dying of starvation, thirst, and disease. It must be so. If there ever is a time of plenty, this very fact will automatically lead to an increase in the population until the natural state of starvation and misery is restored. In a universe of electrons and selfish genes, blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won't find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice. The universe that we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but pitiless indifference. -- Richard Dawkins, "God's Utility Function," published in Scientific American (November, 1995), p. 85

Two

2011-05-29T21:22:00.005-05:00

We are making progress, though I have reached my capacity for living in a chaotic mess. We've finished the biggest room-L's bedroom. We have two coats of polyurethane left to do on the cat room, and four coats left on the upstairs hall way.

M ended up joining in to help, and with my dad's help Friday and M's, it's gone fairly quickly and painlessly, though I was planning to be done by now.

Her room turned out great, and she can't wait to get moved back in. It's so shiny and slippery and fun! Right now all of the cat room furniture is stuffed in her room until we finish the cat room. Oh, we also still have to put the quarter round back up in her room. I will be painting that tomorrow morning, in hopes that we can get it back on tomorrow night.

Our baby robins continue to grow bigger very quickly. This time I got two little beaks peeking up. Both parents were yelling at me from the locust tree as I was taking these pics.

A plan for Ivan

2011-05-24T19:28:00.012-05:00

I spend a lot of time thinking about Ivan and his issues. He’s been on Prozac for about a month with no significant change. He’s not growling quite as much (I think), but still seems very depressed and unhappy. He absolutely HATES taking pills and now avoids me, in case I have a pill, which makes him even more miserable, because sadly, I am the light of his life.

While I was watching Cat from Hell this weekend, I had an epiphany about Ivan. As Jackson was describing the cat’s behavior, he was discussing how much time the cat spent in low, tiny hiding places, which is pathological for a cat. They should be big, in big, high places. It struck me that as Ivan has gotten worse through the years, he has also become very small (emotionally) and seeks out increasingly low, tiny hiding places.

Despite the noise he makes and the posturing he does with humans, he’s not mean or aggressive. He’s a terrified tiny little guy. He’s always been fearful, and it has gotten worse. He absolutely dreads any confrontation with any other cats or non-family humans. He spends most of his time in avoidance mode, but when he can’t avoid, he tries to bluff.

The outdoor cat enclosure has helped with a lot of the cat issues and has made many of the cats infinitely happier. Ivan has not and will not go out there. He has always been terrified of everything outside. When he was a tiny kitten, he would go out with me (safely in a harness), but at around four months old, I noticed that he was afraid of everything—every noise, every shadow—and was increasingly miserable. He has no curiosity about the outdoors and would probably freeze and have heart failure if he had to go out at this point. I would love to see him spend time out in the enclosure, but that’s just not realistic for him.

We have the cat trees and climbers and really can’t fit any more in the house. Those are heavily used by the other cats, so Ivan avoids them. Vertical space and height are SO important to cats, and he needs some vertical space that he can call his own. I found a wonderful solution. I will be ordering and installing wall shelves/climbers on various walls of the house. They won’t take up any of the floor space that is at a premium, and with enough vertical climbers and perching places, Ivan will be able to find one that he can stake out for himself. I feel very encouraged by this hope. The pieces are very nice, though a bit expensive, so I will have to just get a few at a time as finances allow.

I also need to make a priority of playing with him one on one. He loves to play with the various toys that require a human (da bird, etc.), but so do all of the other cats. As soon as I start a play session with one, several others show up and join in. He stops playing the minute another cat enters the room, so he doesn’t get much fun time at all. I’m scheduling a little time every day (or as often as possible) to get him in a room alone, close the door, and let him play with no other cats in site. That will help his state of mind and confidence quite a bit.

One of my favorite things about Ivan is that whenever he is lying within reach of me, he reaches out to hold my hand. He loves to put his front paw pads on my skin. He stretches his little claws out and grasps me. Sometimes his long, sharp claws get stuck in my skin, but that's a price I'm willing to pay for holding hands with my little guy. If he can't reach me, he will grab and hold a piece of blanket or available fabric in his little front paw, making sure that his skin is in contact with the soft material. I know this sounds as if I'm anthropomorphizing him, but I'm not--I don't do that. What I love about animals is their non-human-ness, so I'm more inclined to downplay their similarities to humans than create them.

I am determined to help him become a happy, well-adjusted cat. I think I’ve read every book that remotely addresses issues like this, so I’m glad to have found Jackson Galaxy’s show as another good resource. I don’t know how long it’s been on, but I’ve only watched two or three episodes so far. One of the items on my to-do list is to track down and watch any episodes which I haven’t seen. {** just checked on the show and see that it only started this month, so I think I've seen them all} I actually only became aware of the show because it was on The Soup, which we (M & I) enjoy watching on Friday nights. (We don’t watch most of the shows that appear on The Soup but greatly enjoy watching Joel mock them.)

I noticed when looking at some of the pics of Ivan that I could see the reflection of me taking the picture in his eye. It reminded me that when Dej was little, I would have her look closely in my eyes and see the reflection of herself. I told her it was because I loved her so much, and she was always in my heart, and that's why she was always in my eyes. She believed that for quite a long time. It was so cute.

Tomorrow night I will be starting the epic and extremely frightening task of sanding and refinishing the hardwood floors in L's bedroom and the cat room. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm giving it a shot. My dad has volunteered to help, and he has done it before, so that's reassuring. My husband has not volunteered. I think it's going to be very unpleasant but will be awesome when it's done! If it goes well, I'll be doing our bedroom next.

Hell on wheels

2011-05-22T11:21:00.006-05:00

I have finished grading finals! That is not a fun task. I also got my semester grades done and entered into the system, so I'm officially done with my semester now. That's such a good feeling.

I took a break from grading Thursday night to take L roller skating with my friend O and her children. It was a bit of a treck, as the roller rink is in Watertown. I don't think there are any rinks closer to us (at least not with a nice wood floor).

Their rental skates were deplorable! It also completely bothered me and grossed me out to think about the other feet and possible nastiness that had been in those skates before me. That never bothered me before. I don't remember even thinking about it, but now...kind of disturbing.

The last time I went skating was here in town, before the roller rink closed. It was probably ten years ago or so, and we took Dej. I was a bit nervous about remembering how to skate after only going once in the last 25 years. I used to be quite the little roller rink rat--going every single weekend for a few years in my teens. I was quite good at skating back then. I was hoping I would feel right at home and it would all come rushing back to me once I got the skates on, but it wasn't quite that simple.

As I was trying to get back into it and get comfortable, I noticed that the wheels were really chewed up (which does not help!). Also, L was afraid and very timid on the skates, which surprised me a bit. She was clutching on to me for dear life and did so for most of the night. As we got further into the night and I was getting more comfortable and secure, I was able to catch her and keep her from falling most of the time. The first part of the night, though, she took a fairly bad fall right onto her tailbone. It looked horribly painful, and she cried, and I felt sick. She went back out, though, and I was proud of her for being so brave.

I didn't think until later in the evening that I should have taught her how to fall safely right at the beginning. I was so busy trying to teach her to skate and keep her balance, I didn't think about the falling thing. I know when I learned how to downhill ski, the first thing the instructor taught us was how to fall, because falling is a guarantee. I feel pretty bad that I didn't and could have prevented a couple of bad falls if I had. Now she knows, though, so next time should be better.

She took me out on one of her really bad falls, and my whole (considerable) weight came down on my left knee. It's quite bruised, puffy, and sore as hell. I've been doing a lot of ice and Aleve since then. It should start to improve soon, as I'm being pretty careful with it. I need it to improve soon. I am losing ground in my workouts and strength levels that I've built up with my regular exercise, and I'm getting very frustrated. Plus I am starting on the sanding/refinishing the hardwood floors this week on Weds., and I need to be fully mobile.

I was pretty pleased that L said she wants to go skating again, probably every other week during the summer. It was fun, and I realized that I really miss skating. I used to love it, and I still do. I want to get back to my previous skill level with it. It's also good exercise, and that's become very important to me over the past few months. I may get some knee pads before we go again. I can't afford to be slowed down by knee problems! I also may have to load my Android up with some good music, because the music they played SUCKED! I was forced to listen to a whole Miley Cyrus song, and that's grounds for gouging out my own eardrums. That simply cannot happen again!

My friend's boys, Logan and Colton, had a completely different approach to skating than L did. There was no gripping mommy and taking things as slowly as possible. No--they were all about running as fast as they can on the skates. They skated like little hockey players. Go as fast as you can, balls to the wall, fall, get back up, go as fast as possible... It was funny to watch the very different approaches. They were very cute on their skates. Because they are boys of a certain age, I have to restrain my impulses to grab them and squeeze them and tell them how cute they are. They were so cute skating, that I almost blew it and mauled them, but envisioning their horrified little faces kept my behavior in check.

I had to save the most exciting news for last: We have a nest full of baby robins on our front light again. I try not to terrorize them by looking too often or taking pics. I only have one good one right now, but I will try again later today or tomorrow for more. Mommy is never far from them. While I was snapping the photo of the babies (only one is showing here though), mommy was ferociously yelling at me from our 'Twisty Baby' locust.

Cats, cats, cats

2011-05-16T20:51:00.009-05:00

Carrie has a new hobby, which borders on an obsession. She LOVES to play with water in the kitchen sink. If I run water for any length of time, she appears instantly. Half the time we enter the kitchen, we find her already sitting in the sink, staring intently at the faucet. Our faucet does not leak at all, yet somehow she apparently believes that if she stares hard enough, long enough, the water will appear.

I am very stingy with water and hate to waste it (I even save and reuse "gray" water), but I find myself giving in and turning on a light drip for her. She's so cute and determined! Once she sees that the water is coming out, she plays with it for a minute or two, and then gets serious. She turns her back on the water and sits for a minute--sometimes several minutes. She doesn't like the water to know she cares. Then after she's pretty sure the water isn't expecting anything, she whirls around for the surprise attack

I try to be kind of slick about turning it on, because I don't really want her to figure out that she could turn in on herself.

Yesterday I put together a new cat climber. I've been looking for something narrow to fit in that spot that would allow easier access to the outdoor cat enclosure without blocking the doorway. My friend Julie had just put hers together when we were there last week, and it looked like the perfect solution. I will be getting another one to go inside the outdoor cat enclosure (but will have to wait for a couple of weeks, when I will have the money). It will be perfect out there, though we will have to screw it to the wood, as I don't want it on the door

Tica discovered it right away and loves to hang out on the top shelf. I wanted to test it's load-bearing capacity, so tonight I threw a catnip party. The chubby twins (they are huge, and I would guess they are 18-20 pounds, though I haven't weighed them) were both on it at one time, rolling around, while Tica was on the top rolling around. It held up with no problems whatsoever.

This kitten needs a home!

2011-05-15T20:15:00.015-05:00

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity and very little sleep. Thursday night brought a kitten rescue, and she is temporarily staying with us. She will be getting spayed on Tuesday morning. She went to the vet on Friday, and is healthy--no FIV or Fel leuk (whew!).

Friday my in-laws came at lunchtime to RBG for the plant sale. They took L out for lunch, while I went to my normal Friday lunch. I got a call there from Allegrea that I was needed for an urgent squirrel rescue. I drove as fast as possible, stopped home to get a ladder and a blanket, and went to the pine tree of death, which had sapped the poor baby squirrels. There were five babies (initially six, but one was able to get free when we grabbed the others) stuck to the side of a pine tree, about 20 feet up, and to each other.

We found when we got them away from the tree that they were horribly stuck together at the tail. Yvonne from Fellow Mortals picked them up, and took them back to the hospital. She anesthetized them, separated and cleaned them up. They are doing very well. The suffered some nerve and tissue damage but will be fine and released once they are back to 100%.

Mommy squirrel was quite unhappy with us, but she stayed with her two other babies.

The five little rescues were adorable but wouldn't let me get a photo of their faces. They kept burying them in the blanket (poor frightened things), and I didn't want to terrorize them with the camera. I got a couple of pictures but not a good one, unfortunately--part of a face in one, and the sticky tail until in the other.

After M returned from the plant sale Friday night, he grilled out, despite the unpleansant rainy weather. We had a nice dinner.

Saturday night was AFA's annual spring Fiesta. The whole family was going to go, but Dej and Russ didn't make it, as they had colds and were feeling poorly. My parents and my friend Julie joined us. The burritos were excellent, and the Corona made them better.

The silent auction went very well, and L scored some carved marble figurines--a cat and a panda. She bids on and tries to get the animal figures whenever they are at the silent auctions. She has quite a little collections of figures.

Earlier in the week, L made this beautiful canvas drawing of a cat, using pastels. It's hanging on the wall in our family room, and M and I find ourselves staring at it frequently. We LOVE it. It has such depth and really draws you in to the picture. The flash really fades it, and this photo does NOT do it justice!

I fell in love with a Theron Ris painting at the silent auction and wanted it in the worst way. It was two wolves and was entitled "Til Death Us Do Part." Money is a little tight (again) due to the unforeseen kitten expenditures (again), but I was seriously wanting it. I finally talked myself out of bidding by reminding myself that I will have plenty of beautiful canvases made by my own little artist.

I bought this piece by Theron 20 years ago at an animal rights conference. I fell in love with it, but I was a poor college student (and single mom) and didn't have much money. I bid on it and won and was just giddy. My puffin painting has been hanging on my (various) walls since then, and I still LOVE it. It hangs in a prominent spot in my kitchen right now, and it makes me happy to look at it.

In the garden...

2011-05-09T20:20:00.017-05:00

I haven’t done any weeding yet this year, so as usual, I’m starting out the gardening season already behind. M has done the majority of the spring clean up, including removing one of four of the yew trees that line the front of our house. The one closest to the door has been dying for years, but I wasn’t quite ready to give up on it. He’s been ready to rip it out since the browning/dying process started. Now that it’s gone, we have a very strange looking bare spot in front of the house, and then the three remaining yews (and one of those isn’t looking too good). We’re trying to come up with something for that spot that we both like, but haven’t yet selected anything.

L has promised that THIS year will be the year that she REALLY sticks with weeding. She is hoping to earn enough for a laptop. I, too, am hoping she sticks with it this year, because it’s clear that I don’t have the time to keep it up properly and really need the help.

There are still lots of daffodils hanging on, tons of grape hyacinths, and a lot of tulips. Some of the tulips and daffodils are already done at this point. The magnolia tree is still looking fantastic, and the peonies (all except one) have buds. Most of the alliums are up with buds, and there are a couple that have opened already.

The catnip is vigorously growing, and we’ve already taken fresh cuttings in for the cats to party with three times this year. The poppies have germinated and we have thousands of them right now that are about 1-2”. In a few short weeks, we should have quite a poppy display.

We haven’t yet planted our containers or even picked up plants for them, but M & L started three containers of greens from seed. They’re looking good right now, and I’m hoping to get at least one meal for the rabbits & guinea pigs before it gets too hot for greens. It’s very hard to keep up with the produce needs of the buns & pigs, and since they can only eat organic produce, it can be tough to find and very expensive. We can’t start seeds in the house anymore (so our growing table and lights just sit there tragically unused), but I would like to experiment with different ways to grow greens outside for as much of the year as possible. They are very cheap to grow and very expensive to purchase, so I’d like to reduce the amount we have to buy.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T19:40:00.018-05:00

We finally had some reasonably nice weather today, though I didn't get much time outside to enjoy it. My family was overly generous with gifts again! I truly wish we could get away from the whole gift thing, but old cultural habits can be nearly impossible to break!

M brought me breakfast in bed, and L brought a beautiful boquet of hydrangeas--nikko blue, which I love but cannot grow in our soil. I took some pics of the flowers right away, knowing it's likely that the cats won't allow me to have them very long. I had a hard time getting a shot without a cat in it, because they were obsessed with the flowers, as always. I tucked the vase behind thing on my dresser and built a barricade of objects in front, so the cats couldn't get at them to knock them down (again; they had already knocked them over and spilled water everywhere while I was trying to photograph them). It didn't work, because by the time we had returned from lunch, they had been tipped over--water and flowers all over the dresser and floor. They are in a new hiding place in the bathroom, though I think Carrie has noticed them, so they'll need to be moved again.

Before we left for lunch with my parents, Dej & Russ, L was anxious to give me the gifts she picked out. She had a very pretty little bag on the kitchen table for me, which I loved and thanked her for, but she told me to look inside, where I found a note telling me to look outside on the patio.

I went out to find a beautiful garden peacock that I had lusted after in Target recently. Taped to the peacock's tail were cards--one from L and one from M--that they had made. I will find a special spot in the garden for my pretty peacock, who I have dubbed, Krishna.

After lunch we all gathered at my parents for razzleberry pie with vegan ice cream (YUM!!). My mom surprised me with a pretty green hoody. She had one on which I admired a couple of weeks ago, and now I have one of my own. :)

Dej brought my mom and I a set of Rubbermaid containers. We often send food over to her and our containers rarely return home. She also got me a beautiful bird (peacock?) jewelry box.

While I love and appreciate the very generous gifts from my family, I most appreciated that we were all able to be together and enjoy each others' company.

We will get to see Grandam Carolyn on Friday, but L called her and chatted with her for quite a long time this evening. She was outside on her swing for most of the conversation.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy!

2011-05-03T21:05:00.008-05:00

Yesterday I was home in bed with a raging migraine--one of the really nasty ones complete with nausea and vomitting. Our blinds were closed, except one that I always leave up about 3", so the cats can look out over the back yard. I noticed from my bed, that I could see the new birdhouse M put up this weekend. He didn't consult me on the location, and I was a bit puzzled by the somewhat odd spot he chose. In the photo it looks like it is near our back fence, but it's not. It's about 20' away, in the yard.

I watched a sparrow fly back and forth, building a little nest in the house. He then perched on top and sang his little heart out. I hope he attracted a little sparrow hottie and they have some babies! I will be watching daily for developments. I am now very happy with the random spot M chose, as I can lie in bed in the mornings, and watch the activity in the bird house as I try to convince myself that I can indeed haul my fatass out of bed and make it through another day.

There is a lot of activity in the garden--it's a very exciting place this time of year. We haven't yet found any bunny nests, but we are watching. We have to make sure we find the nest before the dogs do!

I took a couple of shots tonight before class. The magnolia is full of buds just starting to open. The peonies are growing very fast and will soon be in bloom. The lilac trees in the back haven't bloomed yet, but I'm anxiously awaiting that heavenly smell.

Don't go Hitch; we still need you here!

2011-04-28T16:12:00.003-05:00

I was so profoundly moved after reading this letter, that I had to post and share it!

The loss of the brilliant Christopher Hitchens will be a tremendous loss to this world. He is not a perfect man, but hewill be sorely missed. He is facing death as he has faced life—with courage, dignity, intelligence, and wisdom. I am a better person because he lived and shared his magnificent brain with the world. Thank you, Hitch.

Original post can be found at: http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2011/04/hitchens_address_to_american_a.php#comments

Christopher Hitchens was scheduled to appear at the American Atheist convention, but had to cancel because of his illness. He sent this letter instead.

Dear fellow-unbelievers,

Nothing would have kept me from joining you except the loss of my voice (at least my speaking voice) which in turn is due to a long argument I am currently having with the specter of death. Nobody ever wins this argument, though there are some solid points to be made while the discussion goes on. I have found, as the enemy becomes more familiar, that all the special pleading for salvation, redemption and supernatural deliverance appears even more hollow and artificial to me than it did before. I hope to help defend and pass on the lessons of this for many years to come, but for now I have found my trust better placed in two things: the skill and principle of advanced medical science, and the comradeship of innumerable friends and family, all of them immune to the false consolations of religion. It is these forces among others which will speed the day when humanity emancipates itself from the mind-forged manacles of servility and superstitition. It is our innate solidarity, and not some despotism of the sky, which is the source of our morality and our sense of decency.

That essential sense of decency is outraged every day. Our theocratic enemy is in plain view. Protean in form, it extends from the overt menace of nuclear-armed mullahs to the insidious campaigns to have stultifying pseudo-science taught in American schools. But in the past few years, there have been heartening signs of a genuine and spontaneous resistance to this sinister nonsense: a resistance which repudiates the right of bullies and tyrants to make the absurd claim that they have god on their side. To have had a small part in this resistance has been the greatest honor of my lifetime: the pattern and original of all dictatorship is the surrender of reason to absolutism and the abandonment of critical, objective inquiry. The cheap name for this lethal delusion is religion, and we must learn new ways of combating it in the public sphere, just as we have learned to free ourselves of it in private.

Our weapons are the ironic mind against the literal: the open mind against the credulous; the courageous pursuit of truth against the fearful and abject forces who would set limits to investigation (and who stupidly claim that we already have all the truth we need). Perhaps above all, we affirm life over the cults of death and human sacrifice and are afraid, not of inevitable death, but rather of a human life that is cramped and distorted by the pathetic need to offer mindless adulation, or the dismal belief that the laws of nature respond to wailings and incantations.

As the heirs of a secular revolution, American atheists have a special responsibility to defend and uphold the Constitution that patrols the boundary between Church and State. This, too, is an honor and a privilege. Believe me when I say that I am present with you, even if not corporeally (and only metaphorically in spirit...) Resolve to build up Mr Jefferson's wall of separation. And don't keep the faith.

Sincerely
Christopher Hitchens

The King

2011-04-26T21:17:00.002-05:00

This is the month we have to start all of the cats and dogs on their flea/tic/heartworm/etc. stuff. I HATE putting those chemicals on the crew, but I think I would hate more being infested with fleas or having one of the babies get heartworm. It is very expensive. Though all there is to it is squirting the tube contents onto the back of their necks, some of them are surprisingly squirrely about it! I'm glad it's done for a month.

Ivan started taking kitty Prozac on Friday. He will need to take it for three weeks before we can expect to see if it is helping. I’ve been considering this option for a few months, and it is definitely a last resort. His grumpiness and growling just gets worse and worse. He’s great with me. As long as he’s near me, he is the happiest most contented little normal cat you could imagine. He loves the immediate family but dislikes most other people and almost all cats. He has become more and more fearful through the years, and his growling whenever another cat moves has elevated to growling at imaginary things, even when he’s the only cat in a closed room!

His behavior has gone from being a major irritation to me to really distressing me. He is terrified of everything, and it seems like he’s now terrified of things nobody else is aware of—poor crazy little guy. He’s perfectly healthy. His strange personality has been attributable to “singleton syndrome,” which affects kittens who are not raised with siblings. I can accept his strangeness and difficult personality but I don’t think he is happy. I want him to be happy more often than when he is touching me. I don’t want to change him or his brain, but I can’t leave him in this unhappy state.

If he was my human child, I would explain to him how his brain works and how the chemicals and the electrical pulses are causing him to feel this way. We could work on a plan for being aware of these thoughts and feelings and ways to counteract or work around them. While he and I communicate astoundingly well (you should see it actually—it’s quite amazing), I’m pretty sure this approach isn’t going to help his little cat brain. I’ve done all of the environmental modifications I can think of, and so this is truly a last resort for him.

I have a months’ worth, so by the time we run out of pills, I should be able to tell if it is helping, hurting or doing nothing. If they help him, I will continue them for a while, to see if we can just rewire his brain circuitry a bit. He may be able to come off them in the future—at least that’s my hope. If it doesn’t seem like he is any happier or more relaxed, then I will… I have no idea, but I’m sure I will find something else to try. He’s my baby and he deserves to be happy!

It’s very frustrating for me to not be able to get into the heads of my non-human animals! I try so hard but nothing I do will allow me to see and experience the world exactly as they do. I know I have a far better idea of their world than most other humans, just because it is so very important to me and I spend so much time and energy on it. Ultimately, the better I understand them, the happier I can make them, and that is so important to me. Besides that, it’s just damn interesting to be able to see and experience the world from different points of view, whether human or non-human animal.

Hunting season

2011-04-25T19:56:00.011-05:00

We’ve reached the time of year when I can again wear my wedding rings without them falling off. Now I’m trying to adjust to wearing them again (I don’t wear rings). I put them on this morning, and will be used to them in a few days, but now they feel annoying and I keep messing with them. I know my husband prefers me to wear the rings so I look like a married woman (because I just can't keep the throngs of men away otherwise ;-P ), but I think I would prefer a tattoo 'ring' rather than real ones. I really dislike the feeling of rings on my fingers.

Dej & Russ came over yesterday morning for the egg hunt. It’s so much more fun to have others hunting than for L to do it alone. L got up at about 9:45. Dej was supposed to arrive at 10 for the hunt, but we weren’t surprised when she hadn’t yet appeared at 10:15. Mornings are hard for her. I called to get them up and they literally rolled out of bed (check out their hair in the pics) and came over, so we started the hunt at 10:30. L found more eggs than Dej & Russ combined (and we even gave them a little help), and she was pretty proud of herself. Since some eggs contain cash and some contain candy, there is some motivation to work for them. We put one egg inside a cat toy, and Carrie noticed it right away and became obsessed with getting it out.

Each of the three found their baskets, sort of. L found hers fairly early in the egg hunt. Dej found Russ’ and thought it was hers, which puzzled me a bit. Both girls have had the same exact baskets since their very first spring, yet somehow Dej didn’t notice her basket was now a yellow chick instead of a pink bunny? She handed the chick over to Russ and went looking for her basket. L found it first, but wouldn’t tell her where it was, so she had to find it on her own (with a hint from me or it could have taken her all day).

The big kids then went back home to nap before the family dinner of stir fry at my parents’ house later. We all met there for a delicious mid-day dinner, followed by my mom’s pineapple orange cake. My parents’ got us all nerf guns. L got a big six shooter, while the rest of us got a single shooter. We were definitely outgunned in the match—we all took her on and she still won. The rest of the afternoon, until we left for home, involved shooting. L proved to be a very good shot (much better than me), and was challenging herself by lying on the floor shooting up at the rotating blades of the ceiling fan. She hit the blades more often than not, again confirming that she did not get her eye-hand coordination from me!

Libby, one of my mom’s cats, loves to play with the little nerf bullets, so she kept an eye on where they landed. She would sometimes pick them up and carry them around in her mouth like little stogies and run off with them and sometimes she used her claws to pick them up and toss them from one hand to the other. She was very cute and entertaining with them. We had already lost a few of the bullets yesterday, but my mom got a package of extras, so we’re good for a while. We haven’t yet played with them at home, so I’m anxious to see which of our cats will be interested, which will be obsessed, and which will be afraid.

Wisdom from Walter

2011-04-23T11:50:00.001-05:00

Our First Responsibility

by Walter Bond

On more than one occasion, activists or vegans have asked me what they can do to be more effective against animal exploitation. In this article, I am going to discuss our first responsibility to out animal relations. No matter who we are or where we may find ourselves this responsibility never leaves us. That responsibility is to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I know it sounds simple and elementary and usually when I say that to one of my vegan sisters or brothers I get that look like I am being semantic or too basic with my advisement. Buts it is not such a simple task and its vastly important that we as individuals and groups of individuals master this elusive skill.

Anytime we speak third party, its difficult to not throw in our own opinions, beliefs and emphasis, actually its nearly impossible. But in the broader sense an over abundance of personal projection will invariably lead to a completely compromised message. So then the questions arise how do we speak for others not even of our own species? What statements can we make that apply to all species of sentient beings? What are the most effective and important points to make on behalf of our animal family?

Let's look at these questions one at a time:

1. How do we speak for others not of our own species?

First off, we speak out in their favor. But in order to do that we need to be speaking from the heart and not just our heads. There is nothing wrong with intellectual and reasoned arguments but they can be taken to a fault. As anyone seasoned in the art of debate knows, if you are clever enough you can find a logic to nearly any side of an issue. So before we speak up and speak out we must understand that our voice is for them. We must understand that we are going to purposefully fashion points of our conversation in favor of animal liberation because that is how we feel. We love animals. We love the Earth. When we fashion our intellectualism around our love, passion and ferocity, two incredibly important things happen. First, we will attract other passionate people. Secondly, no matter what the outcome of the conversation you will speak authoritatively instead of playing on people's sympathy which always comes across as weak.

Next, when we speak for the animals we do not need to be constantly concerned with how people will take it or if they can handle it. This overly concerned mentality of how your points will be perceived leads to all kinds of problems and compromises. Our responsibility is to say what needs to be said. Not how people will take it. Trust me on this, I know, I can write a brief paragraph and 100 people will see it from 90 different perspectives. If you become worried about how everyone takes things, you will quickly find yourself constantly explaining what you meant. No matter what anyone thinks about a statement like “Animals exist for their own intents and purposes, not human ends”, it is incredibly important that its said.

There is a very faulty logic that welfarists and supplicants embrace. Its an idea that every little subtle point made may one day blossom into that person turning into an uber-conscience vegan. More in keeping with reality is that you're asking too much of people. You cannot expect people to connect the dots on their own just because you did. This kind of compromised approach leads to the single issue syndrome. Anti-fur activists that drink milk, prairie dog activists that go out for burgers after a demo and so on and so forth. But statements like the aforementioned or “Your rights end where another begins” better explain why its never OK to use another for their body or by-products. Whether they are a cow being, sheep being, bee being or human being. Which brings us to the next question.

2. What statements can we make that apply to all species of sentient beings?

This question is a large reason why I prefer the term “animal liberation” instead of “animal rights”. The term “animal” is used as a blanket statement it covers so many critters and various forms of life that its hardly adequate when it comes to considering autonomy and individuality. That said its still a very applicable word primarily because our kind is in a constant state of oppressing all kinds. With our food choices, technologies, societies, and constant attitudes of human supremacy. And this is truly the difference between “human” and “animal”. Ours is a premeditated subjugation. Indeed you will never find an elephant that enslaves bees so they can dine on their puke. But since species vary so radically in so many ways, their individual rights in accord with human use become profuse. And just the cataloging of each beings “rights” is an exercise in futility. But since human use and abuse is their common problem, then liberation from that use and abuse is the answer. At the end of the day, animals do not need our love, people constantly exploit the objects of their “love”.

Animals need us to leave them alone. We need to love animals because as humans we will never fight and sacrifice for others in any meaningful way unless we feel a strong or powerful emotional connection like love, hate, or true empathy. So in answer to the question what statements apply to all sentient beings? It is those which speak to their total freedom from human usage. This is more than mere abolitionist rhetoric. Its an honest assessment of the wishes and desires of others. If you give a hen the choice between death by factory farm, a life of laying eggs in a “free range” prison or a coop on a family farm, she will choose freedom from any human use every time. So as long as the animals are abolitionists, we should be too!

3. What are the most effective and important points to make on behalf of our animal family?

First and foremost, we need to always challenger the validity of animal enterprises. The idea that meat eaters need animal flesh, the idea that hunters need to help control animal populations, the idea that animals want to be used by humans, or the idea that god has given us dominion are pure bullshit! People profit off of, or in someway personally gratified by, animal exploitation and murder. All their arguments to the contrary are just word games to justify what they want to do in the first place. Another important point that can always be made is the speciesism involved in all of our decisions to use animals. Practice reciting a person's answer back to them only replacing the animal with a human to expose what they are truly defending. You do this very effectively in nearly any conversation or debate.

Examples include but are not limited to:

Vivisection

Statement: “It is OK to experiment on animals because they aren't as smart as humans”
Answer: “So why don't we experiment on the mentally challenged, they're not as 'smart' either”

Animals for food

Statement: “People have been eating animals for thousands of years, its natural”
Answer: “Men have also been raping women for thousands of years, incest has been taking place for thousands of years. Ever more to the point, cannibalism has been around on a global scale up until about 3,500 years ago. So are these abuses also 'natural' just because they've been around for a long time?”

Animals for entertainment

Statement: “They are fed and taken care of, they have it better than they did in the wild”
Answer: “So if we sentenced you to a life in a cage and put you on display, you would be doing better than the people in the free world because your meals are free?”

The ways in which you can use this tactic to expose speciesism are the limitless and very effective. As far as debates are concerned, like I said in the beginning of this article, its vastly more important that we speak the truth for animals and their agenda of animal liberation than we often think. A compromised voice for others invariably leads to compromised actions. And the next thing you know, you're back to the vegan tupperware party seriously thinking that brownie and cookie recipes are activism.

Giving voice to those that have none is a primary function of a vegan ethic. Veganism and animal liberation are not just a diet or a way of thinking. They are an ethic. One that is quickly becoming lost and co-opted by producers of products and consumer driven markets. Honestly, I don't have a problem with the dietary promotion of veganism. Because if the masses are ever to embrace it, then it must be marketed to them at some point. But in a rush to win converts over to this lifestyle, the message and higher conscience that accompany it have been dumped by the wayside. This is why nearly all my writings have been and will be targeting my own vegan and animal lib communities. Because until, and unless we start straightening out our own thinking on the relevant issues, ethics and bottom-lines, we will forever lack cohesion, radicalism and the teamwork necessary to move these mountains of murder. And personally, I find it rewarding to be able to shake my vegan sisters and brothers out of their doldrum and replace it with a zeal and passion.

Even if I can only reach you a few at a time, because I am much like you, I never feel like I am doing enough for animals. It seems the more active we become the more that frustration can grow. Its simply a symptom of being a caring person in a cruel world that you cannot immediately change. I, to have stood in awe at the horror and callousness that our kind inflicts on all kinds, have had nightmares and terrible feelings of guilt and shame for all those I cannot save because I am just one, little imperfect person raging against institutionalized cruelty. And I have eating a piece of vegan cheesecake with glee because just like many of us, my inner child is a fat kid with his hand in the cookie jar. But I have also come to understand that nothing great is won for ourselves or others without great sacrifice, hard work and focus. And I would rather die fighting these injustices than go along with business as usual for even one more day. And if that's how you feel inside, then we truly know each other even though we have never met.

Animal Liberation, whatever it may take!

Walter Bond, Press Officer

North American Animal Liberation Press Office
Prisoner of War

Original post can be found at: http://www.supportwalter.org/Articles/11-4-20_Our_First_Responsibility.htm

About Ben

2011-04-20T19:24:00.009-05:00

L and I recently finished a book called, The Fifth Child, for our bedtime reading. I read aloud to her every night and try to select books a level or so above what she could comprehend on her own. Sometimes I hit and sometimes I miss with my selections. This one was a very good read and L was immersed in it, asking to start reading time early most nights, so we would have more time. Though short, it packed a lot of material in there that really makes you think and question. It’s been compared somewhat in theme to Frankenstein. Though it is nothing like Frankenstein in style, there are many similarities in the themes explored. Because this is a pet peeve of mine, I have to detour here to say that Frankenstein is not a horror story about a monster. If you haven’t yet read this book, you should! It’s quite powerful and thought provoking.

I don’t want to share too much of the book, because I’m hoping you’ll read it for yourself, and I don’t want to spoil it (I would be happy to loan it out). This book is primarily from the perspective of David & Harriet, the (irresponsible breeder) parents of Ben, who is their fifth child. Born into a seemingly perfect, happy family, he is strange/unusual/evil (it’s up to us to decide what he is and how we feel about it) and proceeds to destroy everything they have built. While L and I absolutely loathed David & Harriet, we also loathed Ben. He clearly did not fit into or belong in the world in which we live, and there’s no indication that he ever could.

The parents’ relationship with one another, with their other four children, and with their family and community are shattered as a result of Ben’s existence. The themes/questions invoked are those that make us uncomfortable to explore and discuss, probably because there isn’t a “right” answer, an easy answer, or any type of win-win scenario that emerges as a solution to problems of this nature. Like Frankenstein, it explores the nature and responsibility of the parent (creator) to the child (“monster” or Ben). What is to be done if you create a child/being that you cannot parent? What is your responsibility if the child/being you created/taken responsibility for poses a tremendous threat to the world at large? What is to be done if nobody can or chooses to parent? What is your responsibility if the child will never be able to function in this world—is it kinder to put them out of their misery or to allow them a lifetime of unmitigated misery? What is your responsibility to your existing other children, if one child poses a tremendous threat to their well-being and their very lives? How does a person resolve such split loyalties? Further, these questions can be applied to society at large and the many social problems that we struggle with as a result of these misfits—not all of whom, but many of whom are very dangerous to others and always will be. I was pleased with the conversations that this spurred between L and me. We usually needed a ten-minute chat time after our reading each night to process what we read and how we felt about it.

We are now reading the sequel to this book, Ben in the World**. This book explores Ben’s life as an independent teen and then an adult. He is truly alone and miserable. This is our first exposure to Ben’s inner world, and we found our opinions of Ben dramatically changed with this book. We haven’t yet reached the halfway point of the book, so we may change our minds again before it’s over. I’m intrigued with the author’s skill at really taking from one viewpoint to the other. Throughout the first book, we really felt that Ben should be eliminated. In this book however, I suddenly feel very sympathetic to Ben and his plight of being something he clearly has no choice in or control over. Suddenly I want to protect Ben, rather than kill him. L hasn’t brought up her feelings yet about that topic. I tend to wait for her to bring up issues or questions and respond to them. I don’t want to influence her thoughts or feelings by stating mine first.

**NOTE: This book had a couple of short sex scenes that I didn’t read aloud to L, just in case anyone is considering reading this with a child. They are not particularly graphic or nasty, but L is not comfortable with that and would prefer not to hear it. I knew the book contained these portions, because my girlfriend who gave me the books is a literature professor (she covered them in a class) warned me before I read them to L. I just compressed the two or three paragraphs down to, “They had sex.” The scenes were in no way gratuitous and did serve to advance the characters/plot, but the book still reads as complete without them.

Strangely enough, I found some of the themes, particularly those addressing parental split loyalties, applicable to some of the cat issues I’ve been struggling with. When one has committed to raise and protect multiple dependent beings, and the best interests of each of these beings are at odds with one another, what can be done? What if you’re really faced with a zero-sum game: Only one of two can be happy—how does one choose who to save and who to throw under the bus?

Some of our cats are clearly miserable as a result of the twins’ (Basil and Charlie) tendency to pick and tease relentlessly. I have done everything I can to mitigate this situation and try to find solutions that allow everyone to feel safe and happy. One of the solutions is that Basil & Charlie are confined to the cat room when we are gone for a stretch of time (more than 3-4 hours), which gives the other cats a little break and safety from the twins. Fortunately, the twins don’t remotely mind being confined to the cat room, and happily run right into it when they are called. This hasn’t solved the problem though, and I can’t help wondering if Jasper, Petey, and Ivan resent me, as David & Harriet’s children did for their inability to completely protect them from Ben. I spend a lot of time running interference, preventing issues, and stressing about this situation. I also spend a lot of time hoping that the boys will grow out of it—they are only two years old now, so they are still very much youngsters. What if they don’t outgrow it? Can I continue to patrol my home, jumping up every three to ten minutes all day and night to run interference for someone and periodically separating them for a duration of years? I’m exhausted and distressed over the last year. Like David, M is much less forgiving than I, and tends to describe the twins’ behavior as “mean and evil”, where I tend to see it as “immature, inappropriate play”. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I will continue to do my best and explore every angle and possible solution.

As difficult as it is to be a “cat mommy” in this situation, my heart absolutely breaks for the parents of human children who are living this nightmare. How do they deal with one child who poses a mortal threat to their other children and/or themselves? What about if the threat is that of permanent emotional damage, robbing the children of a childhood? I have seen and read stories of these people. I remember one in particular where one child, who was only 9 or 10, was extraordinarily out of control and dangerous to those around her. The parents ended up maintaining an apartment, along with their home, and they took turns living there with the problem child while the other parent stayed at home with the other kids. What a tragedy for all that this was the best possible solution for them. How fortunate for them that they could make it with the additional expense of another household. Many parents would not/do not have that option, and then what?

Flashback

2011-04-18T19:59:00.013-05:00

I got a call last week from Rock Prairie Montessori, where L attended KG, telling me I could come pick up her hand print tile. These tiles were up on a wall there, and they took them all down to redo the wall. Her hands have grown a lot in six years!

*B&W pics are from a collection of pics of my girls through the years that I'm going to put in my letterpress tray project;

I read an essay that Dej wrote and left saved on our desktop. I have read most of her academic writing this way since middle school, and through those rough, rough years, sometimes reading her thoughts was the only thing that gave us hope that there was a decent person in there, with a good brain, and she would emerge again someday. Now she has emerged, and I still enjoy reading her academic work, because she’s a good writer and I enjoy the little window into her brain. I am deeply fascinated by the brain (in general, but even more so my children’s) and consider the study of and quest to learn more about it one of my favorite hobbies.

The subject of this essay was on her own morals and values—what they are, how she acquired them, etc. It was very interesting and gave me much to think about. I have to admit, that reading that provided me with a feeling of being a successful parent (which is nice, because I’m usually focused on my shortcomings as a parent), and I was very pleased to walk away with confirmation of what I have been starting to suspect--despite my 9 billion shortcomings, my goals for my daughter have been realized, though she is still an evolving work in progress.

My goal as a parent has never included such things as my kids having a specific career, making a particular amount of money, achieving status (social status, marital status, or becoming a breeder), liking me, or even being happy. I realize with stating the last, other mothers are now gasping, thinking, “How could she not care if her child is happy?! What a beast!” Isn’t that what we are all supposed to want for our children? “I don’t care what she does as long as she’s happy.” (Usually followed by a self-satisfied sigh, knowing that such an unselfish wish will guarantee a spot in the perfect mother hall of fame.) If I were to include happiness on my list of what I wish for my children, the list that will make me feel like I have succeeded as a parent, it would definitely be the last item on the list, and the most optional item. Our culture has become far too selfishly focused on personal happiness, which is often achieved at the expense of others. I feel strongly that it is impossible to find true happiness when you are focused only on yourself and your pursuit of the ever elusive "happiness".

Like every other good/decent parent in the U.S., I am thrilled when my kids are happy. In fact, it is a constant struggle for me to not constantly interfere in an effort to make sure their lives are smooth, easy, and that they have everything that they desire. Happiness is great, but it is just not the single most important factor in a successful life. I’ve never tried to create a list of what I wanted for my children before, though I keep a running mental list. It strikes me now that perhaps having a tangible list created as a guideline and reminder of what matters might have been a good thing to have from birth to help keep our parenting focused on the right things. Here’s my first effort (in stream of consciousness and unedited):

1. Aware of and sensitive to the plights of all—not just those in her country, or social class, or species—and dedicated to help improve the lives of all beings they encounter.

2. Aware that they are better off than the majority of beings on this planet, and due to no effort of their own. It’s just sheer dumb luck that they happened to be born in the U.S., healthy, into a middle class, educated family with the means to nourish their minds and bodies. Because they have so much (and I don’t mean money, because we don’t have much of that at all), much is expected of them and service to others is mandatory.

3. Effective brain usage and life-long learning: They should understand how brains in general work and specifically how their own work and how they can improve their brain and mitigate its inherent flaws, and use it to its fullest capacity. For both of my girls, I will throw completing college in on this point. While college is not compatible with all brains, it is with theirs. Much like M & I, they have brains that flourish in the traditional learning environment and the best way for them to continue to develop their brains and maximize their potential to contribute to the world, college is the best fit. If their brains were different (not inferior, but wired differently) and did not flourish in that type of learning environment, college (at least a traditional four year) would not be the best choice for them. There are other effective ways to pursue knowledge and lifelong learning.

4. Independent thinkers: Question everything and believe nothing without verifying for yourself. The tools and means of validation are available to all of us. The power is yours! Use it! Hearing something on the news or from your parents or your teacher, reading something in a textbook—nothing should be immune from your own due diligence. Just because you read it or hear it or both does not indicate that it is true. Likewise, just because the majority of people believe something or because it’s the way things have always been done, does not remotely make it right. Take responsibility and find truth on your own. Evaluate all issues, even those that are typically hot-button, emotional issues, through the lens of logic and reason.

5. Be an active and engaged citizen. Be aware of local issues as well as global issues and participate to your fullest extent in the little bit of democracy that we have left. Do what you know to be the right thing, regardless of the law or the opinions of those around you.

Hmm. Could that be it? I thought I would have more than five when I started, but maybe this covers it all. Or maybe I’m missing things and will wake in the middle of the night to remember some really important items that I have to add to this list.

For now though, if my children achieve all five of these, I will feel that I have done my job well. If they can achieve these things and be happy (and the odds are definitely in their favor), that is a bonus. If they end up liking me and choosing to spend time with me, even better.

She's a tease.

2011-04-17T19:18:00.012-05:00

Spring made a brief appearance, but didn't stay. We now have tulips open and will most likely awake to find them covered in snow in the morning. I will be happy to see the last of winter, when it finally leaves for good. Friday night we all (M, L, H, Dej & Russ) all went to see the talk by Michael Shermer. I was so excited about it--I've been counting down days for the last month! I'm a big fan of his work (books & articles in Sci Am and Skeptic). He talked for about 1.5 hours, and the topic was Why People Believe Weird Things. He has a new book coming out in May that I'm also excited about.

The (inside) birds don't care what the outside temp is, but they certainly notice the extended day length. Some of them are very interested in building a nest and having a family (which is not influenced by whether or not they have a partner or have a partner of the opposite gender), and some are not. Those who are are busy staking out their little areas and building. Saffron, who is very old (we don't know how old she was when we got her, but we've had her for 15 years), has returned to her little nest in the corn plant that is still alive, despite the repeated attacks by our "beaver" rabbits at the trunk and by the birds at the leaves. Cypress, who we think is a male but is of a different species from Saffie, looks like he might be joining Saffie's family this year. He's been checking in with her on the nest and guarding from above.

Despite the crappy weather, the kids played outside Saturday for quite a long time. I spent Saturday cleaning the herbivore and doing other weekend chores. H had to go home Sat. night to hang with his dad, and L had to be at my parents' at 4:30 for this years' easter egg hunt at grandma's house. Her cousin Elijah was staying with my parents for the weekend, and wouldn't be coming Easter weekend, so she decided to move the hunt to this weekend. The kids took it very seriously and hunted hard, though I can't stand to see anyone get trounced, so M & I were sneaking hints to Elijah to keep things a little more even. Once the hunt was finished, we left for date night.

M & I had date night planned, and he had planned a night in Madison, as we've been having pretty uneventful date nights lately. We had dinner at Dhobans, where we've eaten a few times in the past. We were a little less pleased this time, as our pakaudas were a little underdone, as was my masala dosa. We then went to see a play at the Bartell. It's been way too long since we've been there, as we both always enjoy the shows and the venue. The play was Dead Certain, done by Mercury Players Theater (who we thing are always fantastic!), and there were only two characters in the entire play. It was interesting, suspensful, and left us with much to discuss on the ride home.

We ended up with a little extra time between dinner and the play, so M went to Bhan Tai to pick up some orders of mango sticky rice to go. We texted Dej on our way back to town to let her know we had sticky rice for her & Russ and would deliver it if they were at home. They were home working on their next stained glass mosaic piece--an octopus, so we arrived there at around 10:30 or so. We weren't planning to stay long, as we wanted to get home early, but ended up chatting, laughing, and having fun, and didn't make it home til midnight.

My grandkitties were adorable! Tillie stole the straw from my cup, as she always does. I was guarding it very carefully, too, and the stealthy little turd waited until the one moment my attention was distracted from guard duty, and stealthily snatched the straw, ran like the wind, and took it into their room (the cats have a bedroom full of cat toys) to show her brother Allistair.

Signs of spring

2011-04-11T19:39:00.023-05:00

We had a very eventful weekend, with M, L, Hunter & I heading to Green Bay. M was speaking at a conference, and the hotel at which the conference took place had an indoor waterpark. While he spent his time shmoozing and being adored by his groupies, the kids and I hung out at the waterpark. M will remain on my shitlist for months, perhaps years, after his unpleasant last-minute surprises. I don't like surprises; I like control. The kids had a good time, though. It was H's first time at a water park--he had ear problems and tubes in his ears for many years, and only recently has been able to really enjoy water.

I couldn't endure eating a crappy fast-food-type meal on Friday night, so I used my new (free) app, HappyCow VeginOut, to find a veg restaurant and get me there and back. We went to Kuvarna, and I felt much better the minute we walked into the door. I don't like Green Bay. I don't like anything north of Madison, actually. It's icky; we don't fit in, and we definitely don't want to. We walked in there, though, and were amongst our own kind (hippies, tattoos, veg people, people with books), which was a very nice respite from the hotel/hotel area. I had the best spicy black bean burger I have EVER had! I'm salivating at the thought of it. The smoothies (I had peach) were awesome, too, and the yam fries were pretty good.

Later that night, we watched a Netflix movie (the kids' choice and it sucked; I worked on my laptop during it) in the room. M used his projector to project it onto the wall in our room, so the kids enjoyed the "big screen" and some popcorn. I had a ton of grading to get done, as well as consulting work, so I was up very late working, and worked Saturday at the water park for as long as my battery held its charge.

I was so disturbed at the waterpark by the number of fat and obese children (I am not even going into how disgusted I was by the number of men desperately in need of body hair removal! Blechhhh). It is absolutely unconscionable that parents do that to their kids. Adults can have a thousand and one different reasons/contributing factors to weight problems. I don't judge them. I know how incredibly hard it is to lose weight (especially as a menopausal woman over 40!), which makes me doubly angry that people abuse their kids that way. When children that young are that big, it is 100% the parents' fault and responsibility, and I wanted to just slap them for setting their children up for years of struggles with health and self esteem, not to mention the torment they will endure in school and beyond.

I had a very close friend throughout childhood, and we attended high school together. Her face was prettier than mine. Her personality was more sparkling. She had been a chubby little girl and continued to gain weight throughout childhood and her teen years. The fact that she was overweight in high school apparently gave the entire student body a license to torment her beyond words--beyond what any person should ever have to endure. She constantly struggled to lose weight. She did not eat any more than I did--probably less. This has been a lifelong issue that has impeded her quality of life in many, many ways. Because of what she had to go through, I have absolutely no tolerance for parents who are simply too lazy or undisciplined to make sure their children have a healthy start in life. Putting on weight and trying to lose it as an adult is hard but is nowhere near as difficult as it is when you have been that way since toddlerhood. I still get worked up an angry with those people when I think about what they have set those poor children up for! Saturday night, Dej, Russ, and I went to see Insidious. M was not interested in going(and it would have scared him), so he stayed home with the kids. I was trying to wait until it came to Netflix, but I'm weak. It looked really good, got good reviews, and I love the word, Insidious. How could I wait? We all really enjoyed the movie, with Dej and Russ vowing not to sleep alone anytime soon. :) Spring finally arrived in our garden this weekend, with some scilla and daffodils blooming. When I went out to take photos, I noticed some strange and disturbing items in the front garden. The kids played outside quite a bit, and they left these strange artifacts out, so the few remaining people in the neighborhood who didn't already think we're strange now do. They scewered a flyer that some church folks stuffed in our door handle and crucified a doll they found outside. I don't know wtf those kids were thinking.

a skeptic's view of alternative medicine

2011-04-07T21:24:00.010-05:00

The last time I went to my acupuncture appointment, I sat in the waiting room reading, as I always do. I usually throw a magazine into my giant purse before any appointments or situations where I may have to wait, as that helps me get lost in reading and thus forget the rage that comes with waiting for someone who didn’t manage their time well. This time, the magazine I had brought with me and was reading was one of my faves, Skeptical Inquirer (I received a subscription for xmas from Dej), and I was trying to make sure the cover stayed concealed. I felt very naughty for reading one of the biggest critics of naturopathic medicine while sitting in my naturopathic clinic’s waiting room.

Here’s the thing—I believe 98% of what I read in Skeptical Inquirer (because it is mostly well-verified science, though every now and then they slip an opinion in), including their claims that naturopathic medicine is largely invalid and if benefits are realized, they probably due to the placebo effect. Yet there I sat, a naturopathic patient, paying for treatment out of my own very shallow pocket. At first glance, it seems like quite a dichotomy. Much of what occurs there, including homeopathy, is straight up woo, so why did I bother?

One of the reasons is that in the cases in which I went for treatment, I had already tried and failed to find help with western medicine. In each case, I was left with one of the following dispositions: take drugs, have surgery, live with the condition. I wasn’t happy with any of those options. I wanted relief but not from heavy-duty drugs or cutting and removing things, and so I decided to explore alternative options. I had reached the point of “can’t hurt, might help”. I was looking for the least invasive means of curing/relieving the problems, and those are not to be found in western medicine.

I have great trust in the science behind modern medicine and technology, but very, very little trust in the doctors who practice modern medicine. Doctors sell drugs and surgery. Those are both big profit makers, and ultimately it all comes back to money. If I went to a car dealership, and asked them to point me to the best way to get to work and back every day, they would try to sell me a car—a very expensive car, no doubt. They would not offer up the information that, given my circumstances, perhaps a bus pass would be the best, most cost effective solution. Likewise, allopathic doctors are not there to direct me to the bus pass solution, they want to sell me a car, and probably the most expensive one. As I was looking for the 'bus pass' of medical treatment, I went to an alternative practitioner.

Most doctors are also under tremendous pressure to push patients through in as little time as possible. If they do not make the targeted revenue (as determined by the clinic/HMO) in the fiscal year, they have to give back a portion of their salary. If they squeeze more in, they are financially rewarded for that, too. They are not recognized or compensated for spending 4 hours researching to make a diagnosis or find a less invasive treatment approach, so they don’t do it. They’re entire understanding of the symptoms/underlying cause and selection of a treatment occurs based on spending 15-20 minutes with the patient. They are not recognized or compensated if the patient is cured, happy, well, and doesn’t return for years, and nobody makes money when that happens. The goal is to get the patient in as often as possible, for a very short amount of time, and a maintenance prescription (check back every six months) and/or surgery accomplishes this goal as well as making a nice profitable bottom line. It’s a broken system that benefits insurance companies and HMOs—not the patient.

Naturopathic practitioners, on the other hand, spend a great deal of time with a patient—generally a full hour or more for each visit. They look at the whole being, down to a very detailed level, analyzing the diet, lifestyle, relationships, all symptoms, all functions of the body, which does allow them to catch things that western medicine misses in its fast and furious approach. They, by definition, look for the least invasive, most natural way to treat the underlying cause of the symptoms. This approach is superior in every way to the money-driven sloppiness involved in the diagnosis and drug-du-jour treatment of traditional medicine.

The treatment portion of naturopathy is where the quality starts to erode. There are some very effective treatments however—lifestyle changes (diet, rest, exercise, supplements, etc.) can make a big difference in one’s health. I did learn some very valuable and helpful things that improved my health and the quality of my life. Hands-on treatments (muscular-skeletal manipulation, and physically separating internal endometrial adhesions) also were beneficial for me. Homeopathy, strange machines that emitted vibrations or electric currents, and other woo-type methods were not effective for me at all. Acupuncture was a treatment that I had high hopes for, but after trying it for three different things—each of which it had been widely reported as being very successful in treating, I found no long-term benefits. I did experience an exhilarating calm during and right after treatment, but after following the full recommended course, there were no improvements, and I don’t feel the need to use acupuncture again.

I do not see alternative medicine as being a replacement for the hard science of (some, not all) western medicine, but it can serve as a complement to it. Given the money-driven approach to western medicine, there are many shortcomings. Given the current economic and political climate, I don’t see this improving anytime soon, if ever. Some of these shortcomings can be mitigated by naturopathic medicine, but it’s important with both approaches to be an educated, involved consumer. Nobody will care about your body or put the time into diagnosing and resolving it the way that you will. Though some of the treatments may be effective, many are a waste of time and money. However, even those that are proven to be worthless may still offer improvements via the placebo effect, and that too, can be a good thing. Feeling better is feeling better, and whether that comes from the patient’s mind or from the treatment itself, it is still a benefit.

Butterflies!

2011-04-04T21:19:00.010-05:00

Well, I optimistically thought that taking a little break would somehow allow me to catch up with life and April would find me with more time on my hands. That has not happened, and realistically I don't see it happening anytime soon, so I'm back and I'll just keep trying to do my best with blogging.

I've accepted a consulting project, which I don't really have time to do but could not turn it down. It involves me writing an fairly complex application for a domain I know nothing about--a luxury marina. I usually prefer to just park my yacht in the driveway ;-), so I'm clueless about docks and slips and things like that. I should say I WAS clueless about it, but I'm learning more and more by the day. It's not often that such an unusual opportunity for learning pops up, and I love learning and love writing databases/applications, so I'm giving up sleep until I finish this project.

Each of my girls completed a butterfly for this year's Rotary Botanical Gardens' art fundraiser (like the flower L painted as a tiger last year). L did hers completely on her own. Completely. She isn't particularly interested in any input or assistance, so we left her alone with the paint she picked out, and she did her own thing. We don't yet have a picture of the back of hers, as it wasn't dry enough when M took the photos. I will provide that at a later date.

Dej worked on hers with Russ (her wonderful man), and they did a phenomenal job. They are both artists and work very well together. The front side of theirs is a mosaic done with stained glass and pearly gems. The back side is just paint.

I have seen many of the other butterflies that have been brought into the gardens, and they are fabulous. I can't wait to see them all up throughout the gardens. I especially can't wait to get the girls' up in our garden (though of course we will have to bid on them at the auction like everyone else).

On break

2011-03-21T21:08:00.001-05:00

I am giving myself a blogging break for the remainder of March. I'll be back...

Little things

2011-03-14T19:42:00.005-05:00

What a relief to have my laptop back! It took a couple of days to get caught up on my grading and to get our taxes done. Now I can get back to blogging more regularly. It's nice to have a keyboard that works again, though the new keyboard isn't backlit like my old one was. :(

I’ve reached a point where I’m simply overwhelmed by the despair and suffering in this world. It just gets worse and worse. I feel angry, sad, helpless, and hopeless right now. I’m going to try to avoid blogging about current events for a while, because I already spend way too much time stressing over things I can’t fix.

This week will be busy and stressful (the good kind of stress though, as it will actually be gone soon, and there’s something I can do about it) due to another dance performance for L. She will be dancing at the Overture Center this weekend, and we have a Weds. night stage rehearsal. Since M has an event Weds. night and will be out of town this weekend (again) for a speaking engagement, I will be on my own. M’s parents will be coming this weekend, and this will be the first time they’ve seen her perform.

M was gone part of last weekend, and he took L with him, leaving me alone with the animals. I used much of that time to get caught up on the grading and finish taxes, but was planning a little human-free downtime for myself Friday night. I didn’t need to go anywhere and had plenty of leftovers to heat up, so I was going to be lazy, drink champagne, and watch Dostana (a Bollywood movie) while I cuddled up with my furry babies (after all of the animal and household chores were done, of course). Then Dej stopped by for a bit, while waiting for Russ to get off work.
I’m not totally sure how it happened but it went from a brief visit to her going out for Indian food, to her going to get potatoes to make a curried potato recipe from one of my cookbooks, to me making dal and roti for her & Russ. She assured me during the 2 hour prep/cooking process that she felt really guilty and would help, but it was easier to just do it than try to explain it to her and have her do it. She said she would do dishes after eating, since I had to do so much work for her. I was pleased that they both enjoyed it and ate a lot! They decided to stay and watch the movie with me. It was very funny, and we had a really nice time. When it was time for them to go, they put on their coats and hats, and Dej said, “Oh, I can do dishes before I go.” I told her no, that I would rather just do them in the morning and to go on and have fun, and chuckled at her offer made while fully clothed in outerwear and with keys in hand.

It was not at all the night of leisure, sloth, and debauchery that I had planned. I was left on my own to determine why I didn’t mind “losing” my night of from kitchen duty. I hate kitchen duty—cooking and all that goes along with it. I look forward to M’s trips, as it’s a night that I don’t have to cook a big meal. If M had walked in the door unexpectedly and said he had a taste for dal—could I make some, I would have either laughed at him or blown a gasket, depending on my mood. Somehow it’s different with my child(ren) though. I enjoy doing things for them, particularly when they appreciate my efforts.

Since Dej moved out (albeit only three blocks away, I don’t see her everyday), I find myself trying to lure her back with offers of making her favorite meals, treats, or anything else that would entice her to come hang out at home. It’s a bit pathetic, but as long as it works, I’ll keep doing it. My mom’s been doing the same thing with me for over 20 years, and I’ve felt horribly guilty about it for 20 years. Now that I’m on the mom side of that relationship, I am seeing that it is a compulsive desire—even need—to continue to mother the adult child in whatever way we can. While I will continue to appreciate my mother’s efforts and not take them for granted, I will be able to accept her efforts with less guilt (though with slight puzzlement, as I am not someone who is easy to be around). As the mom of an adult daughter, I’ve learned fairly quickly to read when my mothering is needed, will be tolerated, or will cause an eruption. When my mothering will be welcomed, do as much as I can possibly squeeze in and when it won’t, keep my mouth shut (to the extent that I am able). I’m left thinking that perhaps the most difficult part of the adult mother/daughter relationship is in learning to gracefully accept one another’s gifts from the heart, however they may manifest, without keeping score or feeling guilt.

For tonight, I am trying to keep out of the depths of despair, and I'm focusing on positive things. Given the current state of the world, I'm almost embarassed to reveal what's making me happy at the moment. One of my projects yesterday was to clean up, organize, and relabel all of my spices. I look over at them every time I go through the kitchen to get to the bathroom. Ridiculously small, but I'm enjoying it.

This is what happens when folks vote without researching...

2011-03-04T22:43:00.000-06:00

TAX the RICH!

2011-02-27T20:44:00.003-06:00

We took a weekend off from the protests. While I kind of felt guilty and bummed about missing it, we were due for some time home with each other and the animals. I've been gone so much lately it feels like I pop in, change clothes, give kisses, then leave again.

As I've been sleeping so little and so poorly lately, I've really appreciated that I finally found a product that works somewhat for for the very dark circles under my eyes. I always have them. I haven't found anything that takes them away or minimizes them, but the Erase Paste covers them well. I hesitated initially, because the price seemed a bit ridiculous for makeup. I finally gave in after several frustrating days where I applied several different products together to find even layered, they still did very little to conceal the black circles. Now that I've been using the Erase Paste, I can see how inexpensive it is per use. That little jar contains a ton, and it takes very little to cover. It will last me forever.

Now I can get rid of the other products I've been trying to work with. These pictured are only the current stockpile, which doesn't include the many others I've tried in the past and used up or given up on and tossed out. I have tried so many other things over the last 25 years! Nothing has come close to Eraser Paste. It mskes me very happy!

We had a horrible, horrible scare last night! We tucked L in for the night after watching a family movie (H was at his Grandma's) and were doing our very exciting Saturday night activity--side-by-side surfing and chatting. It was around 9:45, and we heard a loud stomping. I told M it was nice to hear her practicing dance, as she hadn't been very good about practice over the last couple of weeks and has a performance coming up in March. We tuned it out and went back to our surfing. About five minutes later, we heard a VERY LOUD thumping--way too loud for dance practice. M went running upstairs to check out the noise. He quickly came back down to tell me what happened and to send me up to L's room.

She was in her room, shaking from head to toe, sobbing, and very pale. She had not been practicing dance at all. She was cleaning/reorganizing her room, and was just finishing up. She was trying to straighten a hutch that is on her dresser. It sits on it very securely (unless it's shoved too far over) but was not attached. It slid off the edge, and she tried to catch it. Many large items fell off, hitting her. She was stomping for help, as she couldn't get it back up but couldn't hold it much longer. We heard her last and most desparate stomps, which were finally louder than dance-practice-volume stomping. She was very emotional and sore, and it took quite a long time of cuddles and a couple of hours to calm her back down so she could finally sleep.

We were pretty shaken up afterward. It was such a horrible thing for her to go through, and it could have turned out much worse. :( Today her muscles are sore, she has a nasty bruise and cut on her shoulder, a bruise and lump on her head, and several more little bruises and scratches--poor little thing. We also established a distress pattern for any future emergency stomping or banging, so it's immediately clear to us that it's not dance. We're going to attache the hutch to the dresser too.

Today's thought

2011-02-24T14:47:00.001-06:00

"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that she will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a person saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath she is going to tell you what she won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A person who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire...or preserve his freedom." -- Malcolm X

Rock on Fab 14!

2011-02-23T22:39:00.003-06:00

Obviously I’ve been completely focused on this mess the glory hole also known as Scotty Walker has created and think of little else. I don’t sleep anymore. The long-term, wide-spread devastation of this poorly informed move on his part will be destructive beyond words. While I’ve spent a great deal of time up at the capital, and I’m very proud that Dej has also, it feels quite pointless at this point in the game. Power concedes nothing without demand. These non-violent protests are nothing more than asking—a far cry from demand. Until they are stepped up and one or more of these evil individuals is made to face the consequences of such destructive behavior, nothing will change. Still, I wait for the revolution. How much worse will it get before the masses of the lower and middle class folks demand what is ours? We have the numbers. We have the power. Do we have the determination to step it up as necessary? That remains to be seen.

We will continue with our protests by boycotting Koch Industries (Kochs & Fitzgeralds are Walker’s owners) and those who have donated to this devastation of WI by financially supporting Walker. This means avoiding many companies and local businesses but most notably for us means we will not spend any more money at Woodman’s. They have contributed thousands to this war. We do 95% of our shopping at Woodman’s, mostly due to their large veggie/vegan selection. That will have to change now, so we will be in a bit of a grocery upheaval until we track down all the products we need and find new ways to shop for our groceries. Farm & Fleet is also high up on the donors list, so we will not spend any more money there, as well as the Armory. We, as a community need to turn on them as they have done to the working families of WI.

Solidarity rocks and the firefighters in our state are awesome! I’m really far too angry to discuss this matter any further for a while at least, so that’s the end for now.

On to new and brighter topics. I am working on a new project—I started it during better days (BW-before Walker’s rape of the state) and have been plugging away at it when I’m home and should be sleeping but can’t. I’m slightly embarrassed to say that I purchased this antique letter press tray several years ago (three or four probably) at a flea market with grand intentions of creating something with it. I looked at it for years then, because it just seemed like an overwhelming project to start, and I only had a very vague, general idea of what I wanted to do with it.

I decided to just jump in a few weeks ago. The biggest project was actually scraping off the old stain. It was chipped and peeling, so I had to scratch and peel all the stain pieces from each of those little nooks (seemed like thousands!)—it was a long, unpleasant task. I knew that I ultimately wanted to be able to put photos in it, but didn’t know of what, what size, how many, etc. I decided then to back each little nook with a piece of patterned paper. Since they were such small areas, I was able to use up lots of scraps.

At some point, late at night while thinking about this, I decided that each and every little paper rectangle should have a gold embossed border. This is probably not something that anyone would notice without being pointed out. It also was a very long, laborious task. Each of the 89 squares of paper had to have all four sides’ edges inked, then sprinkled with gold embossing powder, then heat set to melt the powder. Though probably nobody else would notice, I went ahead with it, because I knew if didn’t, it would always bother me when I looked at it. Once that was done, I secured each paper inside its corresponding nook. This is the stage it is currently at.

After pondering for ages, I finally settled on filling it with pictures of my girls together—photos that capture their sister relationship. I went through all the old photos and ended up selecting 45 that I like. I converted each to black & white and digitally cropped as necessary. Now my big job is winnowing those 45 pics down to a more realistic number. I’m not exactly sure what that number will be, but probably under 20. All that remains then is to print the photos, cut to the size to fit the nook(s), secure them (I’m hoping to do so in such a way that it’s fairly easy to swap out pictures in the future if I want to do so.), and then add some little pretty things/embellishments to some of the nooks.

Sometimes I lose interest in a project before it’s completed and put it aside until I feel inspired to work on it again (like the photo album of our 2005 San Diego trip that I just finally finished). I don’t think I will end up doing that with this one, as I’ve got the least pleasant tasks out of the way and have already put so much time in on it. I’m hoping to have a photo of the finished project up within the next month.

Our lives right now

2011-02-20T20:49:00.010-06:00

are dominated by this.

WI republicans...let the games begin

2011-02-16T18:13:00.009-06:00

Because I wasn't thinking, I didn't bring my camera along today, and I'm so disappointed in myself. I snapped this with my cell phone. I spent the afternoon up at the Capital enjoying some solidarity with my fellow union members and intelligent citizens of WI. It was envigorating, and there were many, many awesome signs. The tragedy is that I don't have photos of some of the winners to share. It was so much fun, but I also stupidly wore shoes that are definitely NOT good walking shoes and am so paying for that tonight.

I met some friends there and ran into many other old friends. It was great to see so many people there! L and I are going back tomorrow. Can't wait.

While we were marching, chanting, and waiting for the revolution to get started, Scott Walker, the worthless pussy, was hiding in an undisclosed location in Juneau. Typical. I have no doubt if he had been anywhere on the premises, he would no longer be in existence, which is exactly the way things need to be.

I wish I could wear/carry signs everywhere I go in my day to day life. Since I can't, and since republicans are so goddamn stupid they are unable to figure out even the obvious, let me lay this out in very clear terms. I will be polite and mannerly until I am in an appropriate situation to behave otherwise, but don't mistake my civility for affection. Because my close friends are all intelligent, educated (formally or otherwise), and compassionate, I know that none of them voted for Walker. As for the rest of you, I don't know who voted how, but know this about me. If you voted republican in the last election, particularly for Walker, you sicken me. You have betrayed me, my children, and millions of other hard-working citizens of our state.

This cluster fuck he's created is not a surprise--he made it very clear that this was his intent well before the election. xI am going back tomorrow, because it is important, and because I want L to be a part of this experience.

Thank you Firefighters of Wisconsin for your support! It will never be forgotten.

People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people. ~V

Happy Vegantines

2011-02-13T19:06:00.013-06:00

I'm still working on getting over this crappy virus, which seems to be just a cold with a cough at this point. I cannot wait to be phlegm free! M has been traveling and working every night & weekend. I won't see him much this week either.

We made it to Vegantines last night but had to wedge it in between M spending the weekend at the garden expo, as he was presenting both yesterday and today.

By the time I got all of the Saturday chores done, I was left with only about a half hour to get ready. I was dirty and smelly after cleaning the herbivore room, in sweats, no makeup, with horrible hair. Of course my hair simply refused to cooperate and I didn't have time to start over. I ended up doing it completely different from what I had intended. It left me no choice! We made it out the door, almost on time, but I was feeling very tired and incoherent.

My drink

Mark's drink (vodka & cranberry juice)

Lynn & Rick did their usual bang-up job on Vegantines, and it was a great night for all. The food was good, and so was dessert (chocolate cake with cherry topping). The speaker, Rae Sikora, was very good, though she had half the room in tears. Anyone who could sit through Rae's talk and not walk out of there as a vegan, simply has no soul. After the speaker was the dancing. It's the one time of the year I get to dance, which I really enjoy and I even had friends to dance with, as M prefers to sit and photograph and watch the drinks, and I can rarely drag him out to the dance floor. My damn cough was interfering, as it started to get bad and my chest was kind of hurting. I had to cut the dancing short, dammit.

The very dapper Rick and his gorgeous wife Lynn (they are the co-directors of AFA).

Rick and I

They didn't have the photographer taking 'prom pictures' this year. L took one of us at home before we left, and one of the women at our table took a shot of us at dinner.

I made dal and naan for dinner tonight, which all three of us enjoyed a lot. In the process of making the dal, I proceeded to drop one of the lentil cannisters, causing lentils to fly everywhere in my kitchen. I mean everywhere! I could not believe the distribution. It took me quite a while to sweep up the floor, remove everything from the counters to get the lentils up, etc. I thought I was all done cleaning, finally, until I opened the freezer and found that there were hundreds of them lodged on the refrigerator door. It was such a ridiculous mess, that I could only laugh.

When we got home from dance this afternoon, L found a woolybear caterpillar crawling around outside near our side door. It was around 42 degrees today, but I'm very surprised the little guy was just out and about like that. For the moment, she has him in a jar with some plant material and grasses from our indoor plants. She's going to need to put him out in the garage tomorrow morning, though, so he get can back to his normal life cycle. I just don't think we can keep him happy and healthy in this house until spring.

Oh, and lest I forget...my lovely new blog header was created by Luciana.

Goosebumps

2011-02-12T11:48:00.002-06:00

I'm still recovering from the mega-virus-of-death and trying to catch up with life.

Here is Walter's statement to the court, from yesterday's sentencing. Original posting is on his support site: http://www.supportwalter.org/Articles/11-11-2_Final_Statement_to_the_Court.htm

Final Statement to the Court

I'm here today because I burnt down the Sheepskin Factory in Glendale, CO, a business that sells pelts, furs and other dead animal skins. I know many people think I should feel remorse for what I've done. I guess this is the customary time where I'm suppose to grovel and beg for mercy. I assure you if that's how I felt I would. But, I am not sorry for anything I have done. Nor am I frightened by this court's authority. Because any system of law that values the rights of the oppressor over the down trodden is an unjust system. And though this court has real and actual power, I question its morality. I doubt the court is interested in the precautions that I took to not harm any person or by-stander and even less concerned with the miserable lives that sheep, cows and mink had to endure, unto death, so that a Colorado business could profit from their confinement, enslavement, and murder.

Obviously, the owners and employees of the sheepskin factory do not care either or they would not be involved in such a sinister and macabre blood trade. So I will not waste my breath where it will only fall on deaf ears. That's why I turned to illegal direct action to begin with, because you do not care. No matter how much we animal rights activists talk or reason with you, you do not care. Well, Mr. Livaditis (owner of the Sheepskin Factory), I don't care about you. There is no common ground between people like you and me. I want you to know that no matter what this court sentences me to today, you have won nothing! Prison is no great hardship to me. In a society that values money over life, I consider it an honor to be a prisoner of war, the war against inter-species slavery and objectification! I also want you to know that I will never willingly pay you one dollar, not one! I hope your business fails and you choke to death on every penny you profit from animal murder! I hope you choke on it and burn in hell!

To my supporters, I wish to say thank you for standing behind me and showing this court and these animal exploiters that we support our own and that we as a movement are not going to apologize for having a sense of urgency. We are not going to put the interests of commerce over sentience! And we will never stop educating, agitating and confronting those responsible for the death of our Mother Earth and her Animal Nations. My vegan sisters and brothers our lives are not our own. Selfishness is the way of gluttons, perverts and purveyors of injustice. It has been said all it takes for evil to conquer is for good people to do nothing. Conversely, all it takes to stop the enslavement, use, abuse and murder of other than human animals is the resolve to fight on their behalf!

Do what you can, do what you must, be vegan warriors and true animal defenders and never compromise with their murderers and profiteers. The Animal Liberation Front is the answer. Seldom has there been such a personally powerful and internationally effective movement in human history. You cannot join the A.L.F. but you can become the A.L.F. And it was the proudest and most powerful thing I have ever done. When you leave this courtroom today don't be dismayed by my incarceration. All the ferocity and love in my heart still lives on. Every time someone liberates an animal and smashes their cage, it lives on! Every time an activist refuses to bow down to laws that protect murder, it lives on! And it lives on every time the night sky lights up ablaze with the ruins of another animal exploiters' business!

That's all Your Honor, I am ready to go to prison.

Good and Evil and whining

2011-02-04T16:11:00.003-06:00

Luce's newest creation, called Good and Evil.

I've spent my Friday, which would have been a great day, sick. I've been awake coughing since 2:30 last night (this morning?) and feel like death. I can't stop coughing, and it's at the point that it's agonizing. Every single part of my body is in pain. I might be dying. Or it might just be the same virus Dej was dying from early this week. She called me at 9 one night, crying that she was sick and wanted to come home, so of course I told her to come so I could baby her. I knew that would probably end up unleashing what she had, but it's not like I would ever deny my child to protect my health. Now I really wish I would have bathed in Purell while she was here convalescing.

So I had to cancel two bright spots in my week--my standing Friday lunch date and a massage. That was a tough call to make, because I've really looked forward to this. Plus, every square inch of soft tissue on my body hurts so badly, that I think a massage would have been great. I couldn't even mentally get through the process of getting dressed and driving there, let alone the obnoxious non-stop hacking cough. I may end up with six-pack abs by the time this is done. I'm hoping it's the flu and not just a virus, as no virus should be this horrible.

I've been awake for so long, and tv has absolutely sucked. I'm running out of things to do, and I'm getting crabby. Though it hurts my hands to type, I've gotten bored enough at this point that typing (whining) despite the pain is preferable to staring at my wall.

If I could manage to muster the energy to go down two flights of stairs, I could probably pass several more hours watching Bollywood movies (my latest addiction) on the Roku. I'm not up to that yet, though, and the kids will most likely be camped out down there for the night. They have great plans of building snow forts and tunnels this evening with the remaining daylight. L has been anxiously awaiting H's Friday after-school arrival, because it's just not fun to build snow forts and tunnels alone.

The two will start their Lego Mindstorms programming class tomorrow morning at UW Rock. They are very excited about it, but I may be more excited. I have long been planning to enroll them in this super fun and educational class, because they will definitely enjoy it and be good at it. (Plus if they love it enough, it give me an excuse to buy them the Lego Mindstorms robot I've always wanted). The class is every Saturday morning for the month of Feb.

The blizzard has kept me working from home this week, which has been great. I'm actually much more productive at home, because there are fewer distractions and irritants. I LOVE working with my animals around me. I'm always at my happiest and best around animals, and this helps my productivity. I don't have to type one-handed for 30-60 minutes at lunchtime to avoid the stench of flesh as various corpse-munching coworkers heat up their bits of flesh. That smell really, really disgusts me and often makes me queasy. I've started eating my lunch later and later to avoid the smell while I'm trying to eat, so it's been quite a treat not to have to deal with that. I've had so much work and not nearly enough time to keep up lately, so the productivity increase this week really helped me to feel caught up again.

My Tuesday night class was cancelled due to the blizzard, but Thurs. night was a go. I have another new group of awesome students and am enjoying getting to know them and how their brains work. This time of year especially, it's hard for me to drag myself out into the cold, dark night to go to class. Once I get over that hurdle, though, I LOVE it. I truly love teaching, which I guess is a very good thing for my college students and my homeschooled child. I have a reserve of unlimited patience that is nearly effortless for me in my teaching role. I can't figure out why patience comes so easily to me in that respect but not any other area in my life. Someday I will figure it out and transfer that patience to the rest of my life. Maybe.

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all

2011-01-30T20:54:00.007-06:00

Tonight was rather exciting for me. We had family movie night and the movie was...duh duh duh duuuuhhhh...Hamlet (Branagh's of course--there is no other in my book). It's L's first time seeing it, which is very exciting for me. It was especially well timed for me, as I've been really distressed over the Egypt situation and have had a rough weekend as a result. Only something I love as much as Hamlet could keep my mind off all unpleasantness for over two hours!

We will have to finish the movie tomorrow, as it's four hours, and we have about 1.5 left. I actually intended to be very productive and blog while I watched. I normally always do something else while I'm watching tv and most movies. My brain likes a lot of things to work on/focus on at one time--not just one. I found though that no matter how many times I've seen this movie, I still can't look away to do anything else--especially while Kenneth is on screen. I love him.

L's current memory work (for school--memorization is very important to her brain and will help it immensely throughout life) is the 'To be or not to be' soliloquy from Hamlet, so I thought she should see the movie so she could place it in context and understand the emotion in it. Much to her dismay, when she memorizes poetry (or something like this), she is required to recite it with the proper feeling and emotion. No sing-songy or monotone recitations will pass! This is a really long piece, but she can do it. She committed to learning it within four weeks.

L was supposed to be tidying up her room, and she came downstairs looking like this.

She enjoyed a little downtime this weekend after H left and snuggled up with her stuffed wolf and finished reading The Jungle Book which went along with last week's history lesson on 18th-19th century India. (She always has one or more books that complement her history lesson(s). I'm a lit lover who believes the best way to learn and really understand history is to read both fiction and non-fiction preferably written in or about that region in that time period.)

L's latest

2011-01-27T21:42:00.007-06:00

Wacom art. A series of four:

Wolves Proposal

Love is Paying Off

Love's Little Angel

Love's Little Devil

Missing weekend

2011-01-23T20:55:00.007-06:00

This weekend was essentially a lost weekend, as L had another Bharatanatyam performance. The dress rehearsal was Friday night, and the performance itself was Saturday. The rehearsal and show were both in Waunakee, which is a bit more than an hour drive one way. I also had to spend a good deal of time Thurs. and Fri. sewing and making alterations for her costume. That left us with today to get the whole weekend's chores done.

She did the same dance as in her last performance (Chilanga Katti) with some minor changes. We all thought she did a great job--a little better than the last one even. I was much less nervous this time, because I didn't have to worry about her cosutme and/or jewelry falling off during her dance.

We got everything done and had a little time left tonight to play a game. L got some new board games for her birthday, and we played one she got from her uncle Dan, called Labyrinth. It was a pretty fun game. We're looking forward to playing again soon.

She and M also spent some time today finishing the second Lord of the Rings movie. He is working through all of them with her. That now leaves me as the only (sane) family member who finds those movies repulsive in every way possible and not remotely entertaining. M & the girls love them though, so I'm definitely alone on that. I'm happy for him that the girls share one of his passions, but I can't remotely see what the appeal is.

I was downstairs working on a birdhouse project for a while when they were watching, and I'm glad I was. I wanted L to watch V for Vendetta, which is definitely in my top three movies--maybe top two, but M thought it was still too violent for her. After witnessing the disgusting carnage in the movie they were watching tonight and hearing L laugh at it, I think she can handle my movie. I think the next night or weekend that M has a presentation and we have a girls' night, we will be watching V for Vendetta. YAY!!

It's Always Sunny

2011-01-17T20:44:00.007-06:00

Saturday afternoon brought L's third birthday celebration with M's side of the family. Grandma & Grandpa D came, and L chose to eat her birthday meal at Green Owl in Madison. We visited for a bit after they arrived, and L opened up her gifts, and then we piled into the car and went for an early dinner at Green Owl. The food was good, as always. We returned back home, had some birthday cake (M used her 8 candle from a few years ago, along with three standard candles, she giggled when she saw it) visited for a bit more and then they headed home.

We had to do a quick clothes change and get ready for the opera for which we had tickets later that night. It was then and only then that L thought to inform me that the black dress pants I had just gotten her fit nicely, but she had outgrown all of her dressy tops and they were all in the donate bag. That left me with ten minutes to come up with an appropriate top for her. I found a nice crocheted cardigan that Dej had outgrown and put in the donate bag. It was a little big but close enough, and it went over her nice sleeveless top and made for a passable outfit. I guess I have to take her shopping for a nice dressy top.

My parents picked us all up in the van (Dej and her...uh...friend came too, but I couldn't get Hunter to go for it), and Mark drove us all to the performance. We watched Madama Butterfly, which I love! It was very enjoyable, though the women seemed to enjoy it much more than the guys. As many times as I've seen it, it still made me cry, which is annoying and ridiculous.

Every single time, I'm hoping for a different ending. The ending I want to see consists of Butterfly, instead of slitting her own throat, surprising Pinkerton by slitting his instead. Sharpless, being sympathetic to her plight would help get rid of the body and cover the very justified murder, and Butterfly, Suzuki, and Kate would all stay together and raise Sorrow to be a better man than his father.

The investigators

2011-01-13T22:44:00.005-06:00

We took Jolsie to the vet today to get his penis problem taken care of. They soaked it in warm water and got all the sticky stuff cleaned off and then tucked it back in. We're hoping it stays there, but I've learned how to take careof it if it happens again.

We left Jolsie's empty carrier on the kitchen table and came back to find Basil and Charlie investigating. Basil is always the first to investigate, while Charlie stands back a bit and watches. This was no exception. Basil crawled as far into that tiny carrier as he could stuff his giant self and scarfed around, even munching down a little Jolsie turd. The twins will eat anything--they're like dogs. Charlie looked on curiously, almost putting his head in but couldn't quite go through with it in the end, but he enjoyed watching Basil do it.

11!

2011-01-13T10:18:00.009-06:00

Luciana's 11th birthday was Monday, and unfortunately, this has been one of the more stressful weeks as far as work, so I couldn't take the day off to hang with her. This is one of those times where it's been really nice that I can work from home or the stree would be worse! I've been able to plug away and put lots of extra hours in getting some very time-critical work done without having to be away from my family.

Even after having a smaller xmas, L couldn't come up with anything to put on a birthday list. M & I ended up getting her an Amazon gift card which she has decided to use to replace her old computer monitor with a flat screen. My parents got her some gift cards and a pegasus she's wanted. Her gift from her sister was to spend the afternoon shopping together at the mall (which I hate!), and they are going this afternoon. L is so excited about that. Dej did the same thing last year, and L doesn't care much about the shopping part but loves having her sis's undivided attention.

She wanted to go out for a veg burger at Red Robin, so we had her birthday dinner there and then came back to our house for dessert. L requested my mom's mint fudge brownies for her birthday 'cake'.

(That's Mark smooshing Dej's head.)

As with every birthday, M did his decorating, so that when L came down on Monday morning, the house was very festive for her birthday.

Birthday Eve

2011-01-09T17:39:00.006-06:00

Today is the beginning of the celebration of Luciana. Her birthday is tomorrow, but today I made her favorite meal--baked potatoes with chili. She loves potatoes, in any form, more than anyone I've ever seen! She wanted to have a fire tonight and is now trying to decide if we are going to watch a movie of her choice or play a game of her choice.

Tomorrow is my long day at work, so I don't get back in time to do much. She decided on the day of her birthday that she wants to go to Red Robin with her grandparents (my parents). Then she will be celebrating again next Saturday when M's family comes for a get together.

M & I went to see The King's Speech last night for date night. It was such a good movie! We both thought it was fantastic, and my undying love for Colin Firth has only grown stronger. He is so damn good in every role he plays!

We decided, yet again, that seeing movies in theaters is sucky and we would rather wait to see them at home. People are just so loud and rude! This showing was all mature adults, so we were extra annoyed by the rudeness--they are not teens and should definitely know better. So many people came in late and disrupted everyone in an effort to find and get to the seats (it was a full house). Then the two assholes next to me decided to loudly swirl and chew their ice cubes. It was driving us crazy! So...great movie, bad company. We are going to work on being patient and waiting for the movies to come out on video.

The high point of my weekend was perhaps the penis cleansing. It was truly a Sunday afternoon filled with more excitment than most people should be allowed to have. Jolsie, our little old man guinea pig, hasn't been able to retract his little penis. It's not terribly unusual. They get out there and it only takes a little dampness and debris to turn into a cement-like layer that fills in the cracks. It can't then retract. Gentle scrubbing with warm water and a little olive oil to get it all clean will generally fix it. The trick is trying to get the necessary cleansing done without making it raw or inflamed, which could then cause the same problem. L got the pleasure of holding him while I crouched underneath and did my magic. Fortunately, he did not enjoy it any more than I did--poor little guy. As unpleasant as the whole thing was, it would only have been worse if he had enjoyed himself.

L observed the whole thing with a sneer. She got a nice close up view of the penis, as I had to hold it extended with one hand and try to cleanse in between the creases with the other hand. She asked me why penises were so gross and ugly. I laughed. She then said, "It's amazing that anyone has kids when it involves something like that!" I laughed again. She then asked me point blank why anyone would ever want to touch one of those things. I'm great with the scientific explanations, but there really isn't a logical or medical way to make her understand the answer to this question at this point in time. So, I just laughed again and told her we would talk about that another time. I can only handle so much trauma in one day.

More Wisdom from Walter

2011-01-07T10:11:00.002-06:00

Please read Walter's latest essay. He is an amazing writer and motivator and really uses his words in a powerful way. I don't repost all of his writings, though they are all excellent and worth reading. I select those that are most moving and educational to share with my friends and readers. Take this opportunity to read the words of a truly great man who I have no doubt will go down in American history as one of the great animal abolitionists of our time.

Originally posted at: http://www.supportwalter.org/Articles/11-1-6_WhyImVegan-II.htm

Slaughterhouse Blues (Why I am Vegan Part II)

Hogs have been genetically tampered with for so long that we no longer know many of their natural attributes. We do know that in nature no hog is pink. That is a genetic modification because people like "light colored pork". We also know that no hog in the wild gets up to 800 pounds which is a ridiculously obese size. Many times when I worked at IBP (Iowa Beef Producers, which is the largest producer of "pork" in the midwest and I am fairly certain in the nation) I would see hogs that were so unnaturally overweight that one or all of their limbs were crushed under the weight. In this essay I am going to go back to that chamber of horrors to better detail the suffering that thinking, feeling and sentient beings we know as pigs endure at the hands of speciesist human oppressors.

Early in the morning it starts, semi-loads of doomed pigs arrive at the slaughterhouse. They are packed in "assholes to elbows" as the drivers so succinctly put it. At least three hogs per truck will be deemed "unfit for human consumption" usually due to huge abscesses on their hind legs. This happens because a few hogs per trailer always get their rears stuck against the air hole grating. When this happens their hindquarters become horrifically blistered from a 30 hour ride in this condition. Imagine sitting on a school bus with no pants and a cheese grater for a seat. Upon arrival an IBP supervisor inspects the hogs. Any hogs that absolutely cannot be "used" get thrown out behind the facility to either die of exposure or to starve to death. Its not uncommon to see drivers or IBP supervisors stabbing hogs in the hind legs with pocket knives to pop abscesses and continue with business as usual. The hogs then get filtered from the back of the trailers to the pen runs. This is a very temporary holding area where they wait to be killed. On the opposite side from the trailer docking is the "shoot". All the hogs get forced into this single file death run made of tubular steel. Once inside the shoot they are on a death march, they cannot turn around and because of the steady flow of their doomed brethren being forced in behind them, they cannot stop. Hogs have the cognitive ability of a 5 year old child. They are very smart and very aware what's happening. They tremor from fear, some are so frightened they lose control of their bodily functions. Others faint and get pushed along their bellies to death. In any event, there is no stopping.

The impending horror is immanent. Once at the top of the shoot there is an abrupt 45 degree ramp. At the top of which an electrified bolt thrusts out and jolts the hog in the head to knock them out. They then land unconscious, or awake and paralyzed on the conveyor belt. Here they meet the "sticker". The sticker has the job of stabbing the hogs in the throat and shackling their hind leg so that they bleed to death while hanging upside down. At the IBP plant in Perry, Iowa the stickers wear hockey masks so that if a hog regains consciousness prematurely and kicks them in the face, they will be protected. Can you imagine being hung upside down by a lunatic in a hockey mask and having your throat cut! So much for your welfarist "humane slaughter" ! Very quickly they awaken gushing blood from the throat, traveling upside down in a corridor of congealing blood. The floor beneath is pitched at a 45 degree angle so that much of the blood drains into the blood tanks one level beneath the kill floor in a department called rendering. As they awaken they begin kicking and panicking. This is good according to industry standards because it quickens the bleed out. At the pinnacle of this A-frame shackle drive, the slow ride is over. They slide along the shackle channel very fast, approximately 35 ft descent and 40 ft in length. Because of this acute slide angle approximately one in every one hundred hogs fall from the shackle and end up on the floor beneath. There they stay drenched in the blood that rains down from the "sliders" above. Every shift change the line stops just long enough to power-spray the "jelly" off of the "fallers" and shackle them back up for "production", on the kill floor.

Hopefully by the time they reach this point they are dead, but that is not always the case. The first machine is the "beater". This machine is much like the rollers of a car wash except they rollers have thick nylon ropes with knots on the ends. This machine beats the hair off the hogs. Next is 'the washer'. This is a long scalding hot water bath/basin. This gets the residual hair that the "beater" missed and softens the skin for "disassembly". From this point everything works at a "break neck pace" (a term coined by the slaughterhouse industry in reference to the speed with which the kill floor operates). The head and hoofs are chopped off. The flesh peeled, salted, and stacked on pallets to be shipped to a leather tanning facility. The ribs sawed and broken and the innards dumped into stainless steel trays traveling along a conveyor belt to rendering with the blood tanks, bone cages and other waste bins. Every slaughterhouse has a section or sometimes separate facility on the same property called "rendering". A more accurate description would be "junkyard of death". Blood tanks, bone bins, 40 gallon drums of eyeballs, etc. The slaughterhouse industry is in cahoots with many, many food producers to hide their death junk in various foods. Many mass produced breads have powdered bones in the mix. Gelatins and lards get shoved into everything from cupcakes and Twinkies to car and truck tires. Blood gets used for rennet, an adhesive and oddly enough an ingredient in cheese (Sorry vegetarians but your cheese is not vegetarian. Its a combination of lactation and blood). And on and on.

It must be said that rendering is such a disgusting and wretched mess that few can stand it. I once had to work welding a blood tank and the smells were so intense I spent the four hours it took to complete the task, vomiting in a bucket, much to the amusement of the workers. I wish I could more accurately portray the evil and insanity of an IBP plant. But I can't. Words and videos only tell a small truth of the filth and misery. I can't describe the smells, the screams , or the terror that these animals experience. So often Animal Rights Activists will get hung up on one detail or part of the kill process but I will tell you its sick and wrong from start to finish! I will say this as well, its not intentionally cruel. This is the way it must be done to feed several million people several billion animals. Its unreasonable to ask that people that kill animals all day long as fast as technologically possible to also care about the animals at the same time. No! The answer is to GO VEGAN and destroy the death camps, raze them to the ground just as if they were Aushwitz or Dachau! Because that is what they are, concentration camps to the hundredth power!

But before my anger carries me away let's return to the slaughterhouse so I can explain the human oppression as well. The grunt workers, the ones that deal with all the gore, filth and danger are known as the "white hats" (In IBP, your place in the hierarchy is worn on your head with the color of your hard hat, denoting your rank). The white hats were all African immigrants except for the clean-up crews which were all Latino immigrants. The white hats run the kill floor, rendering and stacking and salting skins. They are paid the bare minimum and allowed no leeway whatsoever. They work 12 hour shifts with a 20 minute lunch and two 10 minute breaks. They are constantly threatened with write-ups for the slightest deviation from the rules or slow down in production. Three write-ups within six months and they're fired, turned into immigration and deported. Approximately 1 out of 5 white hats is missing a finger or part of their finger from working at ridiculously frantic pace with pneumatic scissors and saws.

The white hats' direct supervisors are the "yellow hats". There are three yellow hats in every area of the facility with the exception of the kill floor which has five. Every yellow hat I ever saw was an extremely angry 30-40ish white male, whose main job seemed to be to ridicule and frighten the white hats. I was a "blue hat" which meant I was a construction worker for an independent contractor, not to be confused with IBP maintenance men which wore "red hats". I had full run on the facility and was allowed to be anywhere at any time. That kind of freedom angered the yellow hats. More than once I had to explain to a yellow hat that my work was none of his business and to stay out of my way. The yellow hats bosses are the "green hats". The green hats are rarely seen on the floor unless the USDA are present or production has stopped for any reason. The USDA were known as the "white coats" due to their white smocks. Now, the USDA has real power. They can shut down a facility without notice at any time and for any length of time. For this reason everyone is nervous when the white coats are around. But as I said the demand for meat is huge. Quotas to suppliers cannot be met if a facility were to close for even 24 hours. Anybody that works in a slaughterhouse sees so many health violations occur in a day that you couldn't keep count of them all if you tried. The white coats know this, so the way it goes is no surprise. Literally, no surprise visits. Three days before a USDA inspector visits, the slaughterhouse is alerted. A massive clean up is initiated on the day of inspection. The white coats walk from one end of the plant to the other with their face buried in a clipboard and flanked on either side by green hats. The kill line is temporarily slowed down while they're in the building. The whole inspection takes about a half hour. Before the USDA can even leave the parking lot, its back to the break-neck pace and filthy gore.

Long after I left that hideous facility in Perry, Iowa and went vegan, I found myself wondering why do we as a "civilized" society allow this to happen? Why did I not personally intervene when I had the chance? Why did it take me several years after bearing witness to this atrocity to seriously begin speaking out and fighting against it? The answer to all these questions is one word: speciesism. We, humanity, feel that we are inherently better and more important than all other forms of life put together. So completely do we believe this that even many of those that are vegan and animal rights activists have yet to contend fully with their own speciesism. For if we had a real sense of the evil wrought against animals that people call "food", the movement for their liberation would be far more voracious and militant than it is now. Instead of consoling each other with how much we "feel their pain" (which we don't) or simply falling apart at the seams whenever viewing or even thinking about their plight (which helps a doomed animal about as much as total apathy), we should ante up and do something about it.

The proper response to evil is not fear. The proper response to wickedness is not helplessness. The proper response to callousness is not to weep uncontrollably. The proper response to evil, wickedness and callousness is outrage, confrontation, and action! We need to look deep within ourselves and be honest about how much stronger we would feel about acting against these horrors and insanities if they were happening to people and then bridge that gap in our own speciesism. For on the day that we do we will quit crying all the time for the Animals! And start fighting all the time for the Animals! Our Mother Earth and her Animal Nations need us to be effective not affected. The truth is that we self-professed animal defenders have a greater knowledge of these atrocities. We also presumably have a higher sensitivity to them. And I assert that we therefore have a greater responsibility to do something about it. To have a greater knowledge about a crime and do nothing about it is in itself, a crime. It is called complicity.

And here's some knowledge. All the Animals that die annually for fur, entertainment, and vivisection globally, those numbers of dead are equaled by the American meat packing industry in one day! Over half of our fresh water, drinking water goes to "livestock"! The number one polluter of our water is the run-off aka shit from farmed animals. The number one culprit of deforestation and displacement of indigenous people is the meat industry! But simply knowing these things doesn't change them. Any more than knowing a recipe is going to feed you.

Its time to liberate, educate and agitate.

Animal Liberation, whatever it may take!
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Walter Bond # P01051760
PO Box 16700
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