Garden Stroll

Since my last post, Jezebel has had and recovered from her tumor removal surgery.  We got fairly good news--or at least not horrible news--from the lab.  The tumor will be back eventually, but it will return to the same area, be slow-growing/non-aggressive and non-painful, and can be surgically removed again. This will not kill her, so we are thrilled with that prognosis.  We hope to keep our girls happy and healthy and with us for many more years!

I continue to be annoyed by health problems and a series of unpleasant doctor's appointments and tests, and it's leaving me in a perpetually bad mood. As a little detour in this health epic, I ended up having to have sinus surgery on Monday. I'm feeling much better than I expected to after that but am reacting poorly to the antibiotics, leaving me unwell/dysfunctional again.  Grrrr.  I've really had enough of this. At this point, I'm wearing a very uncomfortable external defibrillator for my ventricular tachycardia. I'm hoping after next week's EP testing (the last round, I hope), we will be able to come up with a good plan for fixing this and I will never have to think about my health or see a doctor again or at least for the remainder of this year!

Another interesting development that we discovered in the zillions of tests they've run on me is fairly embarrassing--I'm quite vitamin D deficient. I've religiously avoided sun exposure and inadvertently made myself unwell.  Since the doctor told me that, I've been taking heavy doses of (vegan) D3 and trying to spend more time in the sun. After only a month, I feel that my joint and muscle pain has improved. I'm glad I found out about it before it got any worse, as my levels were very low, but I was horrified that I work so hard to be healthy and had made such a stupid error. At least that one's an easy fix!

I've been remiss with garden updates this season, but it's looking quite lovely right now. I really enjoy it at this stage--full of colorful poppies and lilies, and it smells heavenly.  My health issues have slowed me down, and it's definitely weedier than I like, but it's still gorgeous (except the North side garden, which I haven't done anything at all with this year, so I'm calling it the "wildlife habitat garden").

This year we finally have incorporated the girls' old play structure into the garden. They don't use it anymore, and we can make practical use out if it. We are running beans and squash up the monkey bars.  I intended to put planters up all the way around the tree house and grow food that the birds and squirrels would enjoy but haven't gotten that far, so that will probably be on next year's list.

I've left the very unremarkable, poorly behaved milkweed wherever it's grown this year, and I'm not crazy about the sloppy look of it, but we've had monarchs and monarch caterpillars all over the garden this year.  Given their current precarious situation, I feel like I need to leave as much as I can to help them out.

Mark's been working more than ever. I remember the first several years of our marriage when I was constantly annoyed and complaining about his self-imposed ridiculously long, invasive work hours.  I would love to go back to those days. It's so much worse now. Additionally he's been under tremendous stress with an individual working there who was so toxic and destructive, the future of the organization was in danger. That person has gone (finally!), but if they are to recover from the extensive damage done, it will take years and will probably leave my husband a run-down shell of his former self. I don't seem him much, and he's so tired and run down he has nothing left for his home life. It's frustrating, but I've learned after this long it's not going to change (except for the worse). I'm just trying to figure out how to pick up more of his slack when I'm already failing to keep all of my balls in the air.  This is yet another reason why I so tremendously resent my body and the health problems that it's throwing at me. I simply can't afford slow downs like this.

Normally by this point in the summer, my fall prep would be nearly done, if not completely done. Instead, I've only gotten about 5% done. I'm stressed about that. A lot.

Homeschooling--L is behind on math. We had a rough semester and didn't make much progress. We both got very discouraged. She's incredibly stubborn, and that's been rather difficult, as she's determined to do things her way, even when it proves to be the wrong way. She has gotten behind in math to the extent that we are working on it full-time this whole summer. I do not have time to spend like this, and I'm rather angry with her for creating this situation, but again--nothing to be done but get through it.

The animals continue to bring me more joy and more stress than I can begin to express. They are truly the lights of my life, but also the banes of my existence. We have a never-ending cycle of illness, medications, behavioral issues, and they are "on" 24/7. There is no "sleep shift" for me. There is never one minute of the day that I'm not on duty--even in my sleep, I awaken immediately to any animal sound (real or perceived).  Charlie (cat) has committed himself to urinating on every single surface and item in our household with no rhyme or reason. I rearrange, blockade things, clean constantly and try every other trick I can come up with only to find giant puddles of urine everywhere. This is not a health issue. It's completely behavioral.  It's reached the level of infuriating me, and I've ordered him a cat diapering system. I see no other alternative. I'm anxious for it to arrive, but it will be another 3 weeks probably. :( I love him dearly, but I resent him tremendously at the same time.  I have great hopes that the Joybie cat diaper will minimize my workload and stress level.

It's midway through the summer, and I haven't done one single fun "summer" thing yet. I haven't even made it to Madison to Farmer's Market (partially time issues, but also because of restricted driving due to health issues).  Not a canoe trip. Not a trip to Allen Centennial. No camping. No vacation.

This is just a small sampling of my current list of failures, and they are weighing heavily on me. I am determined to get it together.  I have to be stronger and get my health issues resolved, and then I can come up with a plan to improve and get more done--including more regular blogging.