Project complete!

L drew these horrible little creatures on the tiles
the night before they were ripped off.

We've already established that I have a tendency towards rigidity and really dislike change (especially change that is beyond my control/sphere of influence).  It's been a month of changes--big ones, little ones, most of which would be merely a blip on the radar for other brains, but to my brain, an atomic explosion. Many of the changes have been good, but nonetheless a minor struggle for me to accept.  Even positive changes are challenging for me.

Our bathroom is done!  For the first time in months, we don't have contractors' tools and equipment strung about our house. We don't have a variety of men traipsing through whenever we are at home. Our belongings are almost all returned to where they belong.  We are still waiting for a shelving unit that I ordered to arrive, and then we can get all of our bathroom supplies put back and in order.  We have a list of smaller repairs/projects that we will plug away at, now that we have a reliable carpenter that we like (finally!) and more importantly that our animals are comfortable with.  These are smaller, less invasive, and not on the second floor, which for some reason is my private, special floor, and projects in that space make me feel very stressed and invaded.

The bathroom took longer than it was supposed to and cost significantly more than expected, but these seem to be constants with projects done in older homes.  It turned out very well. It's not the bathroom of my dreams, but it is a perfectly attractive bathroom that ideally meets our family's functional requirements, so it was a success.



We had two rather serendipitous decisions that really contributed to making the finished product fabulous.  Our carpenter, Mark S, told me that though they had all of tiles removed from the walls, the remaining glue was proving a very slow, difficult removal.  He offered an option that would be much quicker and less expensive than manually scraping all of the glue from all of the walls--beadboard wainscoting.  I love the look, and it's fits with the period of the house (keeping things as authentic to the house's original architecture is very important to me--I don't like modern).  As soon as I saw the finished wainscoting, I was in love, and it almost made losing one of the windows in the bathroom bearable (I was very weepy about that--I love windows).

The next decision was the color. We were really struggling with the choice of paint color, and we were supposed to make our decision over the weekend, so it would be ready for him to paint by Tuesday. We couldn't decide.  More accurately, we decided several times, and I changed my mind. I was leaning toward a gray, but considering a light green, and L was really pushing for blue. So when he arrived Monday and asked if we had our paint color selected, I hedged a "sort of" answer. He had a gallon of very good quality paint that another client selected but didn't end up using, and he offered it to us if we liked it. We smeared a streak across the wall, and it wasn't bad, so I said we'd go for it. When you're a couple thousand over budget, I really appreciate $50 of free paint.  The paint was a light blue color, so L was happy. It wasn't my first choice, but I didn't hate it.  However, when all was painted, I loved it. It looks fabulous in the room, pops very well with the white trim/wainscoting, and we are all very happy with it.

We reused and repurposed everything that we could. I spray painted and reused the medicine chest and the picture frames that were in there. We kept the same light fixtures, sink, and tub--just replacing the plumbing and wiring as needed. The chandelier is new, because we didn't previously have any overhead lighting in there, and that is one of my favorite things. We repainted and reupholstered the vanity (desk) and mirror. Much to L's dismay, we're also sticking with the same shower curtain, rug, towels, etc., because I can't justify replacing perfectly functional objects.

The other project that was going on at the same time as the bathroom (and was necessitated by the bathroom) was my closet remodel. In order to get at the plumbing for the tub, they had to cut a big access panel in my closet wall. That meant that everything we own had to come out of that closet (that was not a fun job).  Since the contents of our bathroom and contractor equipment was taking up essentially every bit of space on our second floor, finding spots for my clothes (that wouldn't invite cat pee from our stressed cats) was challenging.  I stuffed things everywhere, which made getting dressed for work for two weeks quite challenging!  Since we had everything out of the closet, I moved on to one of the many tasks on my to do list--one that's been on the list for about ten years--and install a closet organizer so we could use our limited closet space more efficiently.  I was able to do that myself, while the guys worked on the bathroom.  I just used a simple ClosetMaid system, but it's infinitely customizable, and I was able to get the maximum storage space and efficiency out of that closet.  I highly recommend this system as an affordable, fairly easy installation, that can make a huge difference.  M & I are so happy with our "new" closet!

During this chaotic, stressful time period, I had two other changes, which threw me a bit.  My cell phone and my camera each died within a week of each other. Both had been going for a while, but I take great pleasure out of using things until they are absolutely unusable, and was determined to keep them going as long as possible.  It's like they ganged up and decided to quit during the peak of our remodeling stress just to fuck with me. What are the odds that they would both go in the same week?! [Perhaps the long-predicted rebellion and coup of computers has started!!]

Logically neither is a big deal. I had enough points that a cell phone replacement was free, and other than the painful two hours spent at the cell phone store (why must everything take so extraordinarily long there!!?) getting the new phone and everything switched over, I wasn't out much. I hate the change, though. I would happily have used my old cell phone for at least another ten years. I knew it well, including all of it's many flaws. It was good enough. I'm very aware of the tremendous environmental costs of manufacturing and disposing of the overwhelming number of cell phones. I hate to contribute to that. I don't like our disposable, throw away culture. I much prefer using one thing thoroughly, completely, until it cannot be used anymore, and then replacing it with another good-enough version.  Getting to know and feel comfortable with another device, takes energy that I didn't really have at the time.

The camera--I still haven't replaced, and that's been part of the blogging problem. I can't take a good picture with a cell phone. Even my new phone is supposed to have a very nice camera, but it doesn't have a good, true zoom, and it doesn't seem to have a stabilizer function. It's driving me nuts to not have a camera. I've missed so many good pictures in the last few weeks. I haven't had the time to research a replacement camera, and with the bathroom going over budget, I'm not in a rush to spend more money.  I borrowed L's camera yesterday, so I could start taking pictures.  It doesn't have all of the options/features that my camera has, which frustrates me, but at least I can get a clear shot.  I loved my camera. It's served me very well for nine years!

Finally, over my blogging break, we attended our annual Heartland Farm Sanctuary Gala.  We had a wonderful time and enjoyed a delicious meal. For me, as always, the high point of the night was the fabulous dessert. It's pathetic how much I love dessert and I would be embarrassed for people to know how much time I spend thinking about desserts and surfing for recipes.  It was a very exciting night, because HFS announced that they were purchasing the beautiful land that they've been leasing and will be able to upgrade the facilities as needed.

I'm stuck in 1940, and I can't get out...

Eating delicious, real food definitely increases the time spent in the kitchen, and though I've gotten better and more efficient at food prep, I still spend 3-6 hours in the kitchen, either on Saturday or Sunday, usually, in order to get the dishes prepared and the prep done so that we can eat well all week without waiting until 9 PM for dinner.  I do not love spending 4+ hours in the kitchen, but I do love eating really delicious food all week long, so I've tried to make them more interesting. I find that I dread my "kitchen days" much less now that I've made them more challenging by trying to accomplish as much as possible within my time frame. By making the work harder, more complicated, more challenging, it keeps me from getting bored.

My previous week's kitchen day, this was the list of chores:

Truffles

• pack lunches
• chop red peppers for guinea pigs
• roast red peppers (for hummus I'm making later this week)
• chop veggies for nachos
• make cheezy rice for nachos
• make double batch of veggie burgers to freeze (for lunches, snacks, meals on the go, etc.)
• make double batch of eggplant curry burgers to freeze (for lunches, snacks, meals on the go, etc.)
• make potato seitan miso stew (I made and froze seitan a couple of weeks ago)
• make 3-bean tomato curry soup
• make peanut butter truffles, (which turned out so well that I experimented and made cashew & almond butter truffles and a batch of strawberry truffles as well)
• peel and prep head of garlic (I like to keep prepared garlic and ginger on hand for quick use in recipes)
• pressure cook black beans (I keep a variety of cooked beans in the freezer, so I don't have to use canned)
• make trail mix
• cut and dehydrate sweet potatoes for dog treats

Sweet Potato chews for the dogs

Prior week's list:  

• pressure cook kidney beans
• roast red peppers (for hummus)
• make hummus (for coating kale chips)
• make kale chips
• make peanut lime sriracha marinade
• chop veggies (for roasting) and marinate
• chop and marinate tofu
• roast veggies
• bake tofu
• make black bean sweet potato chili
• pack lunches
• chop veggies for pizza
• make pizza
• make chocolate-covered marzipan

Each week I try to add more and up the challenge a bit, to see how much I can get done without making irreparable mistakes.  Each week there are different tasks and different dishes, and that keeps it from being horrifically boring.  It makes for a much smoother, more pleasant week, when I have the meals already planned and either ready to reheat or just throw together and heat.  I am, begrudgingly, starting to dread the kitchen days a little less and sometimes almost enjoy myself.  I think I am developing Stockholm Syndrome with my kitchen. 

I will never go back to eating processed crap and after eating so very well for so long, I don't think any of us would be able to tolerate food from a less-intense kitchen schedule, so I've accepted that it's an unfortunate but permanent weekend necessity.  My challenge now is to try to get better and more efficient each week, so I can accomplish more in less time. That's what I'm working on refining now.  I currently need one weekend day (at least) for grading and one for cooking, which leaves me with no weekend. I have dreams of maximizing my efficiency such that I could get both done in one day, but that doesn't feel very realistic at this point.

I have a little fantasy that L will develop a passion for cooking and will take over the kitchen duties. She has shown no inclination to do so, but I can dream. So far, her interest in learning to cook has been focused on the foods she likes to eat.  She has mastered making a few snack/dessert-type foods, with her favorite being sliced, roasted, seasoned potatoes. I am much happier with her making and eating these than chips, so I don't complain when I come down in the morning to find she's been leaving kitchen messes for me.  She has learned--(as we all have) that the preparation of food, touching it, smelling it, putting effort into it--makes eating it more enjoyable.  Another benefit is that one is much less likely to eat absent mindedly if one has to wash, slice, season, and cook the potatoes than if one can just grab a hand full of chips out of a bag. It's a good cure for eating out of boredom.

I would like to illustrate this post with pretty food pictures, but I find food photography fairly difficult. Whenever I try to photograph food, it never looks as delicious as it tastes, and sometimes it looks pretty gross.  I know that it takes some skill to get the beautiful and appetizing food shots that I enjoy looking at in the cookbooks and my favorite websites, and I just don't have the time or interest right now to work on those skills.  I have done a little reading on the subject and find myself horrified by how much food gets wasted and how long it really takes to get that perfect shot. I don't have the patience for that!

This is my kitchen planning board.  On the right side, I jot down my list of weekend "kitchen-day" chores.  On the left side, I keep a shopping list, and as I run out/get low on things while cooking, I add them to the list.  Once each meal is either prepped or done (depending on the meal and how well it keeps), I write it on the day of the week I plan to consume the meal.  By the end of my kitchen day, the board is a mess, but it helps keep me organized. I can snap a photo and have my shopping list ready to go to the store with me, and then clean up the board, leaving only the planned meals for the week.

My family enjoys modifying and adding to my list almost every week. I find myself wondering when they will run out of strange items to add to the list.  Note the three strange entries for this week (toasted spleen chips, fart goblin stew, and juicy groin).  They were written by two different people, so both M & L have taken to adding to my list.  I'm not sure which of the two started it, but it has apparently become a tradition.

On the chore list above, one of the entries was to make sausage. This was a new recipe for me, and it turned out very well. It's an Isa recipe, and hers are always hits. It was fairly simple and much less expensive (and more delicious) than buying vegan sausages.  I made this one:  Italian sausage, but there is another one on her site I plan to try soon:  Smoky maple sausages.

I used this recipe for the peanut butter truffles, but I did not use the rice crisp cereal at all. I used crunchy peanut butter. Also, I didn't have coconut flour, so I made oat flour and used that.  They were still ridiculously good.

Jasper

BACKGROUND
Jasper will be ten years old this August!  He has lived with us since he was about four weeks old. He and his siblings were left in a cardboard box at the administration building of the college at which I taught at that time.  They put out a plea for homes for the kittens and said that anyone who wasn't claimed by the end of the day would go to the Humane Society.  I waited until the end of the day, intending to take whoever was left. At that time, our only cat was Ivan, who was just a few months old. I wanted him to have a friend, because I'm vehemently opposed to singletons and believe strongly that animals can never be truly happy without others of their own species present.


Jasper was an adorable little daredevil, and we lived in constant terror that he would kill himself with his crazy antics.  Ivan was not an adventurous, curious cat like that, so he didn't get into the dangerous and scary situations that Jasper did. They became buddies immediately, and enjoyed cuddling, napping, and playing together.

Jasper's wild side got him into trouble when he was a few months old and he climbed a to the top of a fake tree in our bathroom, tried to launch himself by pushing off the wall which pushed the tree over with him still holding on to the top. We heard a loud thump and went running in to find him on the floor, still clutching the top of the tree with blood coming out of his eye and ear. It was one of the scariest, most horrible moments we've experienced.  It was a Sunday night, and we rushed him to the vet, where he was immediately given an injection to stop the brain swelling.  He was hooked up to an IV bag and spent the next four days in a coma. I insisted on taking him home rather than leaving him there in a cage with strangers. I took off work and Jasper spent the next several days lying on my chest, while I cried and hoped that my heartbeat and the love and massages would help him come back to us. At that point, our vet wasn't incredibly optimistic about him coming out of the coma or having any hope of being normal.  Sometimes my stubbornness pays off. I chose not to euthanize and said on that Monday morning, that there was no change by Thursday, I would give up.  Thursday morning, he woke for the first time. We went to his scheduled vet appointment and everyone was shocked that he seemed fairly normal--weak and shaky for sure, but he made an amazing recovery and was back to his normal, fearless self after a few weeks.


He also had repeated problems with urinary blockages, so he had PU surgery (basically removing the penis and stretching the urethra) many years ago. He has been very healthy since then.


DISPOSITION
Jasper is a pretty laid back little guy.  We've had many cats come into the house since Jasper, and he's always fairly nice to the newcomers. He is open to forming new relationships, providing the other cats have decent manners and respect his territory.  These days, his main territory is our bedroom. He allows other cats to share his territory, but occasionally needs to remind them that he's in charge by randomly chasing them off the bed (his bed, which he shares with us).  Carrie has staked a secondary claim on our bedroom, so he especially likes to keep a watch on her and remind her from time to time that though he generously shares, he was there first.


FRIENDS
Jasper->Ivan:  He and Ivan lost the close, sweet relationship they once had. We've never really figured out what happened, but as Ivan became increasingly mentally ill, their relationship seemed to degrade. Ivan's paranoia extended to Jasper, and I'm still really sad about that. Jaspy has many other friends, but Ivan isn't close to any of the other cats.
Jasper->Oliver:  They are very close friends. They cuddle together, play together, and groom each other. Jasper never reminds Oliver that he is the owner of the bedroom.
Jasper->Petey:  They get along quite well. They play and cuddle, but I don't recall seeing them groom one another.
Jasper->Lila:  They get along well, but Lila does not like Jasper's occasional reminders that he's king of the room. She doesn't come into our bedroom as much as she used to, which bums me out a little.
Jasper->Tica:  They tolerate each other, but she very much respects his territory. She has made her own claim in certain areas of our bedroom (under the bed, right below my head), under the chaise lounge, and up on the high cat shelves sometimes. She always does a check to see where he is and if it's okay if she comes in to one of her areas.

Jasper->Basil & Charlie:  This is not a good relationship. They are capable of getting along, because they all sleep on the bed together when I'm in there. These guys (the twins) like to play rough and they tag team and corner the other cats. It's all play to them, but the other cats don't tend to enjoy it.  Jasper does not like them and avoids them and takes cheap shots (stealth smack in the head is his favorite move) in whenever he can.
Jasper->Mimosa & Alexa:   Jasper plays chase with both girls on occasion. Neither of the girls cuddle with other cats, and both respect his territory, so they have a fairly harmonious relationship.

He doesn't mind the dogs but is especially fond of Jezebel.

HOBBIES & INTERESTS
Jasper gives the best hugs in the world! He wraps his little arms around your neck and squeezes and purrs into your ear. It's very special, and none of our other cats do anything like this.

One of his favorite pass times is to climb into drawers and armoires and kick all of the clothing out. If he wants to get into a drawer/cabinet and it's not open, he will scratch and cry until someone comes to open it for him, then he starts rearranging the clothing or towels or whatever is in his area.  He also loves to nap in any luggage or bags he comes across and never misses a chance to camp out in Mark's luggage when he packs for one of his many trips.

He enjoys chewing and eating string/ribbon, so we have to always be very careful to not leave anything like that around.  He also enjoys chewing tulle and any fabrics that are similar, so the beautiful tulle that I used to use to decorate the stair rail for Xmas stays in the container now.  I gave up on it, because it was constantly full of his (smelly) saliva and then it got crunchy and gross looking.

Jasper loves both cat food/treats and human food.  His favorite foods are tortilla chips and mandarin oranges. He will help himself to any open bags or containers of chips. He turns into a little crack addict when he sees mandarin oranges. I'm embarrassed for him and the shameless way he begs and cries for the oranges. Mimosa also enjoys mandarin oranges, but isn't quite as much of a pathetic addict as Jaspy is.

He also very skilled at determining when we are doing floor work during our workouts. We try to be very quiet, so he doesn't come in, but he ALWAYS shows up the minute we hit the floor. He loves to smear his furry little body across our sweaty faces repeatedly while we are trying to do push-ups, planks, etc., and have no way to defend our faces. It's really annoying, and he's lucky he's so cute!

Fool's Paradise

I've been a very good, responsible steward of my body, and have not worked out at all until tonight.  It was awesome to be back!  I did a light workout (cardio only--blah) but one that I have a lot of fun with (Hip Hop Abs--love my Shaun T).  I will take it fairly light this week, sticking with cardio and vinyasa yoga, and I'm hoping to get back to my real workouts next week.

I did need the time off, as much for mental reasons as physical.  The fact that it was that traumatic for me to stop made it vital that I stop and stick with it until I felt mentally okay with it.  I reached a point where I really missed the workouts, but didn't feel the sense of despair and panic over the loss.  That's a much healthier brain space for me to be in.

I may have to throttle back the intensity for a while--I will carefully evaluate as I go.  Some of the pain has cleared up but not yet all of it.  I'm a little bummed about that.  My skin has cleared up, and the nasty depression seems to have lifted, so there have definitely been improvements.

I ate basically the same as I normally do and didn't gain weight (which makes me think that I'm definitely not eating enough to build the muscle I'm trying to build, but finding the time to eat more is a bit challenging), and I can't visibly see any muscle loss.  I'm pretty happy about that.  I am a little nervous about resuming next week's full workout, because if I had any strength or endurance losses, I will see them there.  I can build that back up though, so I guess it's not the end of the world. :)

Przemek - 8 days ago

Last Monday I picked up a baby button quail who needed a home.  He came with significant head wounds, so we went straight from the humane society to the vet.  Apparently 'head bonking' (repeatedly jumping up, hitting the head on the top of the cage) is quite common in these little guys, and he was a mess.  I've been cleaning, soaking, and applying Neosporin to his head, and it's healing fairly well.  He has only the biggest, deepest scab remaining, and that appears to be healing well.  Once that's healed up, he will be out of his cage and free with the other birds in the room. I'm so excited for him to experience a cage-free life.  I named him Przemek, after a special family friend, who was also our first non-family animal care provider, house-sitter and babysitter.

Przemek - 8 days ago

We've never had a button quail before, so I've had to do a crash course in learning about them. I was really sad to find out they don't live nearly as long as the other birds in our family. They only live 3-4 years. :(  He's such a cute little guy, and I'm pretty obsessive about good nutrition, so I'm already crossing my fingers that he lives double that.  Of course, I do that with every animal we get, and as the law of averages would suggest, every blue moon one drastically exceeds their life expectancy, but most do not.

Przemek - today

L decided that she needed to adopt more babies. She is down to four rats (from eight--they don't live nearly long enough) and a hamster.  The rats are pretty labor/time intensive, so having four instead of eight has freed up a lot of time and space that she felt the need to fill. Now. She is not patient when she makes a decision like that. She hoards her birthday/xmas money and has tons of money that she is quite tight fisted with, so she got some lovely, enormous cages for the critters, and we picked them up on Sunday. She adopted a bonded pair of albino gerbil brothers (Hikaru and Kaoru) and a dwarf hamster (Excalibur).  We have really enjoyed getting to know them and watching them customize their large homes.  She hasn't yet gotten good pictures of them, but they will be coming soon.

Przemek - today

We picked them up in Madison, so we were able to squeeze in a trip to the Green Owl.  It's been way too long!  We ate from the brunch menu, and oddly enough, as many times as we've been there, we've never gone for their brunch before. OMG! It was all that we hoped for and more.  My only complaint was that I couldn't get one of their amazing desserts to go.  L & I each ordered the breakfast sandwich and split an order of tempeh bacon and a cinnamon roll.  It was a very hard decision. M got the biscuits and gravy.  We'll definitely be going back for Sunday brunch in the future, and since L's dance is on Sundays in Verona, it will work out very well.

Merde!

After last night's post, I spent the next several hours researching (and crying, because I didn't like what I learned). There is not a definitive medical test to determine whether I have or have not been overtraining, but as much as I hate to admit it, that is unquestionably what's been going on. I was really bummed to learn that the several weeks I've suspected and tried to ignore (push through the pain, pound Aleve & Flexaril, deny, deny, deny) it has pushed my body into a fairly miserable and dangerous place and will require more time off than I would have had I listened and backed off right when it started.  Damn.

This led to a completely sleepless night,  with the exception of a very brief nap that resulted in a dream that I fell asleep while in the middle of lecturing in my Java class, woke up (in the dream) horrified and embarrassed, and then proceeded to keep answering questions on my way to the bathroom, which ended up with me crapping my pants. It was a horrifying short dream, and that ended my sleep.  I've had a hard time sleeping well for a few weeks, because of increasing pervasive body pain that has made it impossible for me to get/stay comfortable. Last night, the pain was there, but my sleep problem was due to freaking out over the forced non-workout torture that I have to go through.

I've gone through the stages of grief several times over.  I briefly reach acceptance, and then somehow come back around and convince myself that maybe, just maybe I was wrong, and if I just keep pushing things everything will improve. I dally with that thought for a while until I try to lift my arms overhead or take a step and experience the deep profound pain that has nothing to do with the awesome muscle-building pain I've grown to enjoy. Then I start the phases again.  Weeping, anger and hostility toward my body for being a betraying wuss, whining (it's not faaaaiir--other people can work out without having to take time off), bargaining (if I just sneak in a couple of five-minute finishers, throughout the day, maybe my body won't "notice") and depression/mourning. I realized this morning while explaining to L that she would have to work out with her dad for the next week, because I have to take off. 

I can also see that this is a typical response to someone whose addiction has been taken away.  I am addicted to water. I am addicted to working out.  I have been addicted to caffeine off and on throughout the years. Being addicted to "positive" things like exercise can be very positive and healthy, but the problem occurs if the addiction controls me, rather than me controlling it. Nothing would make me stop except the threat of permanent damage that would result in a permanent break rather than this ugly, temporary break. I'm so repulsed by addiction/addicts that it disgusts and embarrasses me to accept this, but it's true.  I plan to retain my addictions to working out as well as drinking copious amounts of ice water, but I will have to have the strength to stick with this rest period to get back to my healthy addictions. This feels horrible, but I am trying to view this as a challenge to my self-discipline. I can allow myself to retain my addictions only if I can maintain control over them when needed. This might be my toughest test of strength yet.


So apparently I'm not a special snowflake, and this is a pretty typical reaction for people who end up in this situation. I'm guessing that those of us who overtrain have some similar personality traits, and it's quite common that people try to ignore, deny, push through--anything but give up. 

The first hurdle for me will be to get through a one-week break. Every time I contemplate (or type) that my chest constricts and I feel like life isn't worth living. This is really hard. 

As I try to analyze the various emotions behind my panic, the first and foremost is simply that I'm losing my favorite activity in my day. That 45 minutes a day is MY time, and I look forward to it from the time I get up until my after-dinner workout.  One of my first thoughts in the morning is which workout is scheduled for the day. I slog through a day of unpleasant tasks/chores, all done for others, and my reward at the end of the day is that 45 minutes of pure joy. That's gone. For a week. I have nothing to look forward to after putting in a hard day's work.

Next is the realization that a post-menopausal woman in her mid 40s is by nature, a muscle atrophying, fat-storing machine. Every day that I take off is hard-fought conditioning that will be lost, and I will have to fight to get it back again. I do not like to lose ground or even stagnate. If I'm not progressing, I'm not happy, and this is why I tend to push the workouts so hard.  I'm fighting nature and am determined to win.


Next is the problem of how to eat. I eat a lot. I eat to fuel extremely intense daily workouts and actually struggle to eat enough to stay properly fueled during my busy work days.  I have no idea how much to eat without that workout.  I will miss eating as much as I want. I've worked really hard to get down to 15% body fat, and I don't want that number to creep up while I'm on this forced break.

The tyrannical drill sergeant that occupies my brain also yells very unpleasant things at me all of the time, particularly if I'm taking an off day or doing a lighter workout ("Lazy slacker--get moving; you don't even deserve to eat if that's all the effort you put into it."), so it becomes pretty relentless on the Asylum weeks when I take two days off. A whole week of it is not going to be fun. 

I'm still adjusting to the concept of the week off, though I am very aware that it may not be enough time.  I'm kicking myself for not catching it right away when a week would almost certainly have been enough.  At this point, I'm prepared to endure a week, and then I will try again and re-evaluate. Even after I return (whether after a week or longer), I will have to be a bit more moderate, at least for a while.  I don't like this idea either, because in my brain moderation==half assing things. I'll have to tackle that when I get to that point, though, because right now I have what looks like an insurmountable week to get through.


When I started this fitness journey a little over two years ago, I never, ever would have anticipated anything like this occurring in my life.  Had someone told me this would happen, I would have laughed aloud, but here I am. Funny after all these years that my own brain manages to shock and surprise me.

These pictures are from the last catnip party.

Taxes, Contractors, and Chaos

The title should give a pretty good indication as to how unpleasant life has been lately. I have reached my tolerance limits with the chaotic home repair situation. I'm so glad that Mark is much better at handling things like this than I am. At this moment, the contents of our first-floor bathroom (including toilet, sink, vanity, etc.) are in our dining room.  The entire floor is ripped out of the bathroom, so there's a big gaping hole there and it's quite cold. So far the plumber has made the necessary repairs using pipes that won't freeze, the insulation guys have done their thing and assure us that everything is so well insulated that it will never freeze again, the electrician has repaired the wires that were cut when the floor was removed, and now they will start putting the floor in and the bathroom back together, then the basement ceiling/wall can be repaired.  Then we can start replacing the items/furniture destroyed in the flood and get our family room and office back together.  I'm thinking we should be back to normal in 2-3 more weeks.

When all the pipes were ripped out, we found that there were a total of six burst pipes. We knew there were at least three (because of the three separate incidents in three days), but were fairly surprised to see six!

The biggest challenge and stressor is keeping the animals safely contained.  The cats have had the worst of it.  They had to remove the bathroom door, and with no floor, the cats could get back there and disappear into the walls or under the floors. With the contractors and all of their equipment coming in and out, that also presents a danger in cats getting hurt and/or escaping. While the contractors are here, they have to be locked in the various bedrooms, which makes them VERY unhappy.  It is quite challenging to track them all down in the morning, make sure they are in rooms with friends (there are a few sworn enemies who cannot be put in a room together), and get them all stuffed in there without the others escaping. We have to make sure someone is here at all times to ensure their safety.  When the contractors are not here, they are allowed free reign again, but that back entryway is only blocked off by plastic and gates, so we have to be here to make sure they don't find a way into the danger zone.  

The loud noises, vibrations, and smells are stressful and unpleasant for Mark and I.  Given that the animals hear and smell much better than we do, we know that it's definitely taking a toll on them. I feel tremendously guilty for putting them through all of this, but there really isn't any alternative.

The poor cats have also temporarily lost access to their outdoor enclosure, because we had to move it to allow access to a crawl space that their enclosure was blocking.  They are finished with that area now, so as soon as we can get some muscle to come help, we can get the enclosure back in place. The cats will be so happy to have access to their full territory again.  I feel so bad for them, because they don't understand any of this mess--just that the quality of life has diminished.  Their lives should be completely back to normal by next week.

Taxes are done, but what is normally a fairly unpleasant task turned into a nightmare this year due to a bug in this year's version of Turbo Tax.  It was an ugly bug and their tech support left much to be desired.  It took me almost five hours to figure out and fix the problems that this bug created. Finally, after several days of posts by angry users, TT says they are working on a fix and will let people know when it's resolved.  Lovely. It is shockingly unprofessional to have such an amateur-level bug in a production release of software that is dealing with such sensitive and important data.  I have used TT most of my adult life, but I will definitely be looking for different options next year. This was a pretty egregious error, and clearly their quality assurance process was either omitted or rushed through.  I don't feel inclined to trust them with something as important as tax data with such inadequate testing.  I feel pretty stressed about taxes this year. I've never questioned their accuracy before, but I'm terrified that somehow I will end up having to redo them or pay some kind of fine. UGH!  As if taxes aren't bad enough on their own!

I am struggling with some issues with my work outs, and this is one of those times that I could really use a community of experts, but I don't have any. I enjoy working out more than just about anything--it's probably tied with writing code as my favorite way to pass time.  I've noticed, though, the last couple of weeks, that I'm hitting walls. Not only am I not progressing, but have actually been struggling with workouts that I could normally do without much effort. In a couple of cases I've had to lower my weight, and that's just horrifying. Much to my dismay, my extensive research indicates that I have probably over trained.  I would so much rather have found that I need to double or triple my workout time/intensity than I need to back off a bit.  

Because I hate that answer, I want to seek expert advice. There is a chance that I'm wrong, and I'd really hate to back off if it's not absolutely vital. I'm not sure where to start in finding an expert who can honestly evaluate the situation.  It seems absurd that a healthy, fit, robust person should be able to maintain a 6-day a week, 45-minute per day workout schedule. This is not excessive. I'm so incredibly frustrated by this!  I even tried to compromise over the last month by dropping down to 5-days/week on my Asylum weeks (every other week), but I noticed tonight it was worse than ever. I really struggled with what is normally one of my easier workouts. What I haven't figured out is (if I do indeed need to back off a bit) exactly how much and for how long. My mental health and happiness really depend on not just working out but on very intense working out. I really don't enjoy things if I can't do them at full intensity.  I think at this point, I may have to go to an MD, because I know my brain, and it will question and not accept anyone who tells me I've over trained unless I see scientific evidence. Ha! So glad I "talked through this!"  Now I need to go do some research to find out there are any tests that can definitely determine this...

This was absolutely not the post I intended to write. I guess I needed to do a little venting/whining.  I'm not adding pictures of my chaotic home repair mess, my taxes, or me working out, instead, a couple of pics of some of L's digital art.

Poppy & Family

Poppy turned two at the end of last October. Up until Hurley (Poppy's mommy) died a couple of months ago, the family of three was inseparable.  They hung out together, ate together, and as HurleyBird continued laying her (infertile) eggs, the entire family of three took turns on sitting duty and protection detail.  Poppy enacted the roles with as much dedication as her parents.  The family of three interacted with and had friendships with the other birds and animals in the room, including Hurley's sister Hazel, but they were definitely a unit.  When Hurley died, we were all very sad.  Poppy and Darwin (daddy) went through a very obvious quiet time of mourning.  They remained very much a team through that process.  Losing Hurley was a real tragedy for all of us.

After their mourning period started to subside, I noticed that Hazel (Hurley's sister) seemed to have stepped into the family unit.  This intrigued me.  Even more intriguing, Hazel and Darwin were not courting/mating or indicating in any other way that they were pairing up.  Hazel and Poppy did not either.  Nobody is courting or mating.  They simply reformed their family unit with the aunt stepping into the mom's role.  They have formed a definite family of three.  

Hazel on sitting duty

Hazel continues to lay infertile eggs, which are now a family project.  Darwin and Poppy have contributed equally to sitting and protecting duties, just as they did for Hurley.  I am a little surprised by this behavior but find it so interesting to watch.  Initially Hazel moved in to Hurley's laying spot (the bottom corner of the same cage Poppy was hatched in).  They cared for her first two eggs in there for almost two months.  One morning last weekend, I went in to find that the family had moved into one of the guinea pigs' hidey boxes on the floor.  The whole family moved and resumed their egg protection duties in that location.  Poppy is the most militant protector and if one of the guinea pigs or rabbits gets to close to the entrance of their box, Poppy runs right up to the with her wings spread, beak open, trying to look absolutely terrifying. The guinea pigs and rabbits remain unimpressed, giving a glance and apparently deciding it's not worth worrying about, then resuming their hay munching.  I laugh so hard when I see her trying to be ferocious to the mammals who don't care.

Poppy, having been raised in this environment and spoiled and coddled by her cockatiel and human parents, has some massive self-confidence and quite a little attitude. She really thinks she is the center of the universe. She shoves into whichever feeding station she would like with no regard for the birds she is shoving out of the way. She will stand on top of her parents/aunt even though she's the same size. We all adore her, but she is a bit of a spoiled brat. She's not mean. She doesn't start fights or try to hurt anyone, but she definitely thinks she owns the house, and the other birds in the room let her get away with it. She loves attention!  Despite her diva-ish tendencies, I am impressed by her commitment to family and the fact that she puts in the same time and effort as Darwin, Hurley, and Hazel to the family.

Darwin, guarding the box

We have no idea how old Darwin or Hazel are, because the people who dumped them didn't know, but I hope I still have many years left with them. I am curious to see if they will remain in the current family configuration or if it will evolve to a Darwin/Hazel coupling.

I love so many things about birds--cockatiels especially, but my favorite has always been their family structure. I love the way that both parents contribute equally to the egg/chick care. They form these intense, deeply emotional bonds and care for each other in the most touching ways. They represent everything that is beautiful about long-term true partnership-type relationships. They groom one another, feed one another, show affection, and show in hundreds of little ways every day how much they love and respect their partner. I am often humbled by the depths and purity of their love and commitment to their partner/families. 

These families will remain together happily until death, if they have the option. It breaks my heart to think of all of the families that were ripped apart so the babies could be sold into (in most cases) lives of lonely despair trapped in a cage, and so that humans could profit from their pain. IT IS NO DIFFERENT FROM THE VILE WAY THAT SLAVE FAMILIES WERE RIPPED APART AND SOLD.  Humans have no right to take claim or to sell anyone else's babies/family. 

Semester 2, Week 1

The longer I go without posting, the harder it is to start a post. I have all the unwritten posts in my head that I've accumulated over the 'break', and I sit down to blog, and can't decide where to start--one of the unwritten posts (which one?) or just start with today and forget about the past.  Usually, I stare at the screen contemplating for 10-15 minutes, get frustrated that I've used half my blogging time and done nothing, can't decide, and move on to another activity.  Here I go again.

I started a new semester Monday, so this week has been a bit crazy.  It always takes me a couple of weeks to get my new schedule/routines down and get into the groove of the semester. The first two weeks of classes are equally exhausting and exciting. HALF of my Java programming students are women!  This is unprecedented, and I'm looking forward to seeing the class dynamic with an equal gender distribution.

We've had some deaths since the last post, all of them very difficult for us, all of them left sad/depressed friends and family, and all of them are missed tremendously.  We lost Hurley (cockatiel, Poppy's mom, Darwin's partner, Hazel's sister), Simran (parakeet, PZ & Dawkins' partner [it was a beautiful love triangle, and they all got along]), and Quince (rat, last of the original three brothers [Walter & Womble preceded him in death]). The rats have such gut-wrenchingly short lifespans! They have so much personality, and we get so attached, and then they're gone. :(

We've spent a lot of time and money trying to provide shelter and food for the poor outdoor critters through this horrifically cold winter.  We build some little insulated shelters to put outside and have been adding as many shelters and heaters as we can to try to give the poor animals some respite from this nastiness.  We stopped using our garage for the car, so we could fill it with animal shelters  and heated mats and heat lamps.  We have a big heated water dish (which is used all the time, no matter how cold it is), and put different kinds of food out for a variety of species several times a day. I've basically made it the equivalent of a part-time job, while I'm on my winter break. I am so distressed by the misery the outside animals are suffering that I have a hard time sleeping or thinking of anything else.  We will continue to add a variety of warming spots and shelters on our property until we run out of room or until spring arrives.  The heated mats don't provide quite as much heat as I had hoped, but the combination of everything together should help the poor frozen critters a bit.  It was a nice bonus to see that the heated mats are made in the U.S.

We had three pipes burst over the course of three days, two weeks ago. The first was the worst, leaving us with a ice-cold waterfall and three inches of water in our (finished) basement.  This photo shows the offending pipe. We are still in the process of clean up and repair, and our house/lives are fairly chaotic right now. The locus of the flood was right over my office, so our electronics (including the external hard drive containing our backups), all of our household paperwork (taxes, receipts, mortgage info, etc.), my craft supplies (lots of beautiful, unsalvageable paper and photo albums), etc., were complete losses.  We have been busy dealing with cleaning and contractors and haven't really replaced anything but the power strips yet, so we still have to find time to shop.

The fourth day (the first day we didn't start the day with a burst pipe), Dej called and said that they had a pipe burst in their wall. Fortunately, we have a GREAT plumber (Matt Magee, Magee Plumbing), who was awesome with squeezing us in, and squeezing Dej in. He was absolutely overwhelmed with work, as apparently everyone in the area was having the same problem from the extreme cold, yet repeatedly went out of his way to come get us fixed up, so we could at least turn our water back on.  M & I were incredibly stressed about the whole situation, and we agreed that it made a world of difference to have someone we know, trust, and like to guide us through the whole mess.  Until the repair work is done (it will be extensive and they can't start until early Feb.), we are down to one bathroom, which is rough.  Really rough. I feel really stupid and whiny complaining about it, because it's very much a first-world problem, but it has been quite a rude adjustment for us.

We are also fortunate to have a very good support network, which I appreciate more and more as I get older. I see so many people in the world who don't have a good support network, and my heart breaks for them.

M & I have both noticed that we are hyper vigilant since the flooding. We are on edge all the time, constantly jumping up to check things because we hear (or think we hear) something strange. We are both paranoid about every possible type of disaster in our home, and it's exhausting. We're hoping that goes away soon!

Our baby turned 14 this month (poor girl woke up with a nasty cold on her birthday)!  She will start her first college class tomorrow morning. She was supposed to start Tuesday morning, but it was cancelled due to the cold weather (As an aside, it's absurd to cancel college classes for cold weather, and I found it quite annoying!), so she was pretty disappointed. She was admitted as a special student to take a 3-credit art (painting) class.  She had to take her portfolio (photo is one of the digital images she included in her portfolio) and meet with the art professor, who assessed her skill and maturity level to make sure she would be a good fit for the class. Once she passed that hurdle, she had to meet with the admissions counselor for an hour to go over her transcript (I had to make that) and assess her general educational readiness and maturity level. She passed both assessments, and I'm so glad! Art is the one subject I can't really help her with, and she's reached a plateau with her painting and has been very frustrated. I'm excited to see what she will create this semester!  It will also be really nice for her to take a class from someone besides me for a change.

Most exciting, we started our weekly chemistry labs last week.  I found the coolest micro-chemistry kit, which contains everything needed for a one-year AP-level chemistry class. I am totally in love with this kit, and have restrained myself from jumping in and playing with it all at once. Fridays are our lab days, and I'm looking forward to a semester of fun Fridays.

Luciana's Dec 7 performance at Overture Center

Next week is finals week, so I'm drowning in final projects at the moment, but once I get through the grading I will start blogging again (by next week, I hope)!

RIP Walter Bond, Jr.

We lost one of our family's bright lights this weekend, and I'm going to feature him in today's animal post.  Walter died from the cancer that he has bravely fought for the last few weeks (probably months, but they are good at hiding symptoms from us).  He was preceded in death by his sweet brother Womble (who we also miss tremendously), who died a couple of months ago after losing the battle with his chronic respiratory condition.  


We adopted Walter and his two brothers, Womble, and Quince, a couple of years ago, and they were six months old when they came to live with us. They were our first rats.

Walter was always the biggest and most outgoing of the group. He led and they followed. He loved people, exploring, and most of all, food.  He has always been the social butterfly of the group and got along with the other seven rats (though we're now down to a total of six) in our household.  Immediately upon opening L's bedroom door, he would make a beeline over to greet his visitor(s).

His other favorite activity was napping with his brothers. Despite having several houses, hammocks, pods, hideys, etc., the three boys most often piled into one little hut/hammock together instead of using their own. 

He was pretty fearless, much like Flower, our tiniest female rat, and loved to ride around the house on shoulders. He liked to play with and groom the cats (Tica and Ivan were favorites) and did a pretty good job and grooming L & I as well.

He was such happy, charming little guy, that it was impossible not to smile when spending time with him. It was also nearly impossible to deny him my food when he asked for it (or stole it), much to L's chagrin. He was incredibly strong, and I quickly learned that if he actually got a hold of a piece of my food, I could not get it back from him. It shocked me to lose a tug-of-war battle with a little rat the first time it happened, but I continued to lose almost every time.  He REALLY loved his food.  He loved sharing my fruit/veggie/protein post-workout smoothies, and enjoyed those up to the end when he could eat little else.  He would grab the spoon and hold on with his tiny little hands and lick as fast as he could, and if I didn't get the next spoon loaded in time, he would try to reach right into the glass.

This may be a bit too soon for me to write as thoroughly as I would like. I'm struggling with emotions and trying to keep it together while writing, because I spent the majority of the weekend ugly crying and swollen eyed, and I'd like to not invite another cry migraine.  He had a little dark spot of fur on his otherwise-

white right hip, and L & I always liked his cute little spot. Somehow it was seeing that spot, when I turned him over to wrap him up and prepare him for burial, that killed the thin layer of composure I had maintained.  I miss that little spot so much.