Expires on 11/3/20??

Jasper - It's exhausting to be so cute!

I know the day on which my life will end, barring unexpected circumstances (of course I could die in a car accident tomorrow or be struck by lightning today). I know this is very non-traditional, but I think it's a very logical approach to life/death and allows me to live a better, more focused life.

We've had several friends die or lose family members lately, and all of them were very unexpected. Those who died left so many things unfinished, unsaid, undone. I want to avoid that if possible. I don't want my husband to be left grieving, with all of the financial affairs to deal with, the animals and finding care arrangements for them, etc. This got me thinking about a planned exit date. That allows me time to get everything wrapped up into a neat little package, leaving my loved ones with only grief to deal with.
I've put a lot of thought into this and examined it from every angle, and the only "flaw" I can find is of course that there are no guarantees in life, and even the best laid plans can be disrupted by fate.  I prefer to control the means by which I die (quick and relatively painless) and the time, so I am doing my best to bypass fate on this one.
I have a definite end point, which allows me to plan my life efficiently. I've defined my important goals and things that need to be accomplished, and as I know how much time I have left, I can schedule things appropriately. I will be able to ensure my animals' care plans and have the financial affairs wrapped up in a neat, easy package for my family to take over with no stress.  I will also be able to appreciate and enjoy the life I have left more fully.  Knowing, for example, that you have five "July 4th" celebrations left, makes them more special, and also clarifies priorities (e.g.  "Since I only have five left, I want to spend them in this particular way.")

This has been one of the best decisions I have made. It has brought me a sense of control and clarity about life that I haven't had, and I feel incredibly free to live life on my own terms.  I want to clarify that I am not depressed. This decision has nothing to do with being sad or desperate. It's simply the most logical way to deal with the inevitable.

I have selected my birthday (not this year) as the exit day, because that allows my survivors to have one sad day to think about me instead of two. I've noticed when mourning lost loved ones, people struggle with the person's birthday, death day, and holidays. I can't really help with the holidays, but if the birth and death day are the same, that removes at least one ugly day.  I will let my close friends and family know the year but not until there is one year left. That allows everyone enough time to say what they need to say, so they don't have to suffer "If I only I had told her..."

On a funny side note, when I discussed this with L, she was very calm and matter of fact about it (as I knew she would be--she's a very logical girl) and just reminded me that I needed to finish her homeschooling first, because she didn't want to have to go to high school.  LOL--that's my girl!

I offer this as an alternate way of looking at and dealing with the end that we all face, in hopes that others may find it as comforting and freeing as I have. If I have missed something or there is a logical flaw in my reasoning, I would like to hear that. I have no interest in hearing or participating in any emotion-based discourse, so feel free to keep that to yourself. 

Meet Oreo!

We just adopted a four-year old male guinea pig, Oreo, on Wednesday.  I have a young vegan activist friend (college student who helps care for my animals if we are gone) whose teen sister's friend needed to find an immediate home for Oreo. Her loser dad decided he didn't want the guinea pig in his house any more, and she had to get Oreo out immediately, as if he were a piece of trash or ugly furniture. He spent all day Wednesday in his hidey (igloo), poor little guy. I kept giving him fresh greens from our garden. He loved them and would eat them and sniff my hands. By Thursday, he was out of his hidey, moving things around in his environment and being quite friendly with me. He's already learned to look for goodies when he sees me. He will have to interact with the two girl piggies through a divider. He's not neutered (the girls can't be spayed--too dangerous), and at four, he's too old to safely go through surgery. We don't want 6-8 babies, so they will have to visit through the bars.

This afternoon, L had the Flower and Trixie out with Tica.  Tica is extremely non-predatorial and really enjoys interacting with the rats and guinea pigs, so we allow the more outgoing little ones to have supervised time with her. Tica is only five pounds (she's 7 yrs old) and handicapped, so we think she enjoys the little ones, because they are completely non-threatening to her. Trixie and Flower like to climb on her, groom her, sniff her butt (and that's when Tica leaves the party), and generally amuse themselves on her.  Tica likes to try to catch their tails with her front paw. Even though she has claws, she doesn't use them when playing with them. She's very gentle.

Family fun week

My bastardy back continues to infuriate me by not cooperating with my wishes.  I have had two chiropractic adjustments and spent countless hours researching and then stretching and working with my ball to try to release the offending muscles.  I have had slight improvement, but walking is absolute torture.  Within about 20 steps the entire lower back starts into a series of spasms that don't let up until long after I've stopped walking.  I'm able to get through my workouts, carefully, at about 80% of my normal intensity. It's frustrating, but a "wussy" workout is better than none at all.  I tried to push through a dog walk with Mark last night, though, thinking if I just stuck with it the spasms would stop eventually, but they didn't. By the time we got home, the muscles had locked up so badly and so high that I was having a very hard time breathing.  This whole situation is making me beyond angry--it has interfered with my productivity as well as with my workouts and other fun family activities.

Wednesday we went to the Art Institute of Chicago--just the four of us, as Russ couldn't get off work on such short notice. We had a wonderful day, starting with a walk through Millennium Park and a picnic lunch in the park, then on to the Art Institute. They had an exhibit on impressionism and fashion, which was really enjoyable. Walking presented major problems for me, so I had to waddle around like an 80-year old, taking frequent breaks, so the spasms stopped long enough for me to catch a deep breath. It really cast an unpleasant shadow on an otherwise perfect day.  We stopped at Chicago Diner for dinner and had a fantastic meal.  The high point for me (as usual) was the desserts.  I had a mint-chocolate 'milkshake', and wished I could have eaten more than just a delectable bite of Dej's caramel crunch torte. 

Friday the three of us went canoeing on the Bark River.  My back also ruined that day, mostly because we couldn't take Dej, because the canoes seat three, and we would have needed two canoes for four of us. We couldn't count on my rowing ability, so we had to stick with one canoe.  I'll be going in a couple of weeks with Dej and another friend, so she will get a chance to enjoy it too. We had perfect weather, and it was a beautiful day.  I was able to row for the second half of our trip, and as it turned out rowing wasn't nearly as painful or detrimental as walking!

We went out through Two Rivers again, and they dropped us and the canoe at the starting point of the 12-mile trip, in a wildlife sanctuary. We saw hundreds of herons and egrets as well a many other birds, including a bald eagle which was probably the closest I've been to one.  I love canoeing in this location, because for about 80% of it, we are out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by wildlife, and no other humans or signs of them.  It's very relaxing and recharging.  We stopped and had a picnic lunch at about the halfway point.  By the time we made it back to the dock where our journey ended, M & I were both ready to be done rowing!

She LOVES her kale chips!

We were very ready for a nap, but we had dinner plans with friends.  We went to Pig Minds and were really excited for our friends to try it for the first time.  It was a very disappointing night.  The company was fantastic and we very much enjoyed catching up with our old friends, but it was our first negative experience at Pig Minds.  I've been a little depressed about it since.  I know it's odd to be so bummed, but I really love that place, and it's VEGAN, and we've always had such great experiences there, and now I'm worried that they are slipping.  Fingers crossed that it was just a bad server on a bad night. :(

The food, in general, was just meh, which has never been the case there before.  I often get the reuben and love it, so I ordered that.  It was just not good.  It was bland and completely unenjoyable, and I realized after I ate the first half that there was no (vegan) Thousand Island dressing on it. That's the whole point of a reuben--at least for me.  I love my Thousand Island, and a reuben is just pointless without it.  Nobody at the table was blown away by the deliciousness, and that's very atypical for PM.

The rest of the negative experience--the part that was most upsetting to me--was due to a bad server experience. Service in general was slow, but it was busy, so I was willing to ignore that.  HOWEVER, my friend L, who is vegan-ish (long story, but that ambiguous descriptor will have to do for now) asked what the server recommended. She learned while traveling in Europe, that that's the best approach in a new restaurant and often results in great food and even better service.  Somehow, our ignorant server interpreted, "What would you recommend?" as, "We hate vegan food, so what would be the most meat-like food you have?"  She launched into a disgusting pitch that started with, "Well I'm a meat eater myself, so my favorite is blahblahblah, because it's just like real chicken.  She then continued through her disgusting menu tour listing the items that could most "pass" as animal flesh.  I go to vegan restaurants whenever possible partly for the amazing food choices, but also to avoid ignorant, anti-veg garbage like that. I find an approach like that highly despicable and insulting, and especially at a vegan restaurant.  I felt very violated.  I know it sounds dramatic, but I AM sensitive about things like that. When I go to non-veg places, I am expecting such things and am prepared with my defenses up and ready.  I was not remotely prepared for such an assault at one of my "safe" places.

Mutiny

I've had a very productive couple of weeks! We finished painting the dining room (finally!), and I've knocked out a ton of little odd jobs that have been on my list for months (okay, years for some things). I've made some great leaps with my fitness--major improvements in strength and building muscle, in addition to finally getting my abs 98% of the way to the perfect six-pack I've been shooting for. And then my body decided to turn into a complete asshole, bringing my progress to a screeching halt.

I did my normal Weds. workout (abs!) and felt some lower back stiffness after but didn't think much of it. It's an intense workout, but one I do at least once a week.  I did not bump up my weights this week or make any changes to the routine.  I woke up Thurs. and realized I was in a lot of pain and couldn't move well. I've apparently done something very bad to my aponeurosis, and it's punishing me. I was not able to workout on Thurs. or Fri., and today I'm in pain, crabby, and determined to workout no matter what. I've been applying heat and ice (switched to ice alone, as my research last night indicated that was best), stretching, taking loads of Aleve, muscle relaxers, and even Vicodin (which I LOATHE), in an effort to restore my ability to move normally and be productive. No luck at all. Now I'm vascillating between anger and fear. This has to go away. I'm losing ground with my body, and I've worked far too hard to go backwards. I've decided that hell or high water, I'm going to do tonight's workout (pull muscles, mostly upper body), even if I have to pound my last 8 muscle relaxers to do so.

Monday we went to RBG to attend a surprise 15 year anniversary party for Mark. It's hard to believe he's been there that long!  It was very well attended, but in his typical spaz-workaholic fashion, he couldn't wait to get back to work. He didn't want to spend any more than his 15-minute break not working.  I think he managed to take a whole 25-30 minutes to socialize with the guests before he couldn't take it any more and had to start working again.

We are all really happy with the way the dining room turned out. The paint color is exactly what we were hoping for (gray/purple), and it complements my mother's day "wall of ravens" very nicely. I took down all of the other artwork that was in the d.r., because the style did not work with the ravens, and they are the focal point of the room.  Dej will be taking some of the art for her walls, so I'm happy they will be appreciated, and I can go visit and enjoy them at her house.

The front garden is peaking and is full of lilies and poppies.  There are certain flowers I will always have in my garden, because my grandma always had them in her garden, and lilies are one of those, as are poppies.

We've really enjoyed growing the greens this year (very easy!), and they've saved us a ton of money. I haven't had to buy greens for the critters for over a month now, which means we've saved approximately $50 (less the $10 or so for the seed packets).  There are still plenty of greens to harvest.  We've also been using our fresh herbs (basil, cilantro, parsley, thyme, etc.).  We're anxiously awaiting the tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, broccoli, and all the other food crops that are growing.  This year has gone so much better than last year with the drought!  .  The whole front and south side gardens are all cleaned up and mostly weed free (for now), and we are working on the back and the north side garden.

We enjoyed a great night out with friends, Julie, Marina, and Steve, last night at Pig Minds.  Of all of our trips there, we have never had one single bad experience, and always thoroughly enjoy the food, the service, and the beer.  It was perfect weather last night for eating out on their patio, which I especially enjoy, because there's always an adorable little ground squirrel out there keeping the ground clean.  The only thing that marred a perfect night with good friends and great food was the humiliation of having to walk around in public like an 80-year-old woman.

Tonight L is being picked up by a friend for a sleepover.  I'm a little shocked that 1) she has a friend who has her license and 2) that we are letting her ride with a teen driver.  This is probably the only teen I would trust enough to let my baby ride with. We've known K and her sister E, since they were 3 & 6.  They were our next-door neighbors.  These girls have always been exceptional--mature, kind, responsible--and have been very good friends to L. She's super excited to be doing something so independent and grown up.  She's growing up really fast!

I'm pretty sure things are about to really improve in our world.  I just got an email from my dear friend Philip, who I don't remember.  He needs me to help him get his $50 million from his bank, and he will split it with me.  How fortuitous that he was able to track me down through my university email and make such a generous offer.