LOST starts tomorrow!!!

And did you see mobisode 13??!! It is mind blowing. Absolutely mind blowing! In slightly more than 24 hours, I will be in LOST heaven! It would actually be 24 if we watched it live, but we tape it and watch after L. goes to bed.

Rain and Sky, our parakeets, as drawn by L.

Here I sit again in the bathroom with two stubborn little bunnies. Well, it's really one stubborn little bunny--the head humper. We STILL have not formed a reliable pair bond, as she won't groom him in return. I guess she thinks that he is there merely to serve her. It seems I will be consigned to spending hours on my bathroom floor every night for the foreseeable future. OMG! She's grooming him right now!!! A little on the vigorous side. Well, she's done already. Not enough to form trust.

The biggest news around here is that Luciana finally got her own e-mail account. I asked her several months ago if she would like me to set one up for her, and she said no, but maybe when she was older. She asked me Sunday if I would get her one now, so I did. It's very locked down of course, so she can only receive e-mails from addresses I put on a "safe" list. That will prevent the onslaught of viagra and penis enlargement ads. To describe her as an e-mail addict would be putting it mildly. She checks it constantly. I apologize to those of you who have no doubt been bombarded by her e-mails. I'm sure it will cool down shortly. She figured out how to send pictures to people and has been sending "beautiful pictures" out to everyone on her safe list. Again, sorry. I don't even know where she is getting the images from. They are not from our photography drive, and she won't tell me. It's her little secret--for now.

eta: Haha! I just found the mysterious source of L's images. She found the sample pictures folder that came with Windows. I won't tell her I know, though!

I've been down with a migraine, which finally seems to be breaking. It has really sucked. Now I just have the post-migraine hangover to deal with and lots of life to catch up on. I was pretty miserable yesterday, and dreading trying to get through my first class last night with it. In an unbelievably rare stroke of luck, classes were cancelled due to the weather. I thought I got off lightly until I realized that instead of teaching with a headache I would be home spending an hour preparing dinner, which was eaten in 10 minutes or so, and a half hour cleaning up. I would have actually had less work and more fun at class! Schools were closed today, because of the weather also. Dej was thrilled, and it worked out well for her, because she overslept (again) and wouldn't have gotten to school on time.

L. lost another tooth, so the tooth fairy paid her a visit. She left a special note for the T.F. that she wouldn't let me see until the next day. My clever little manipulator tried to strike a deal with the T.F. Fortunately, she didn't mind that T.F. opted not to clean her room instead of leaving money. She was just thrilled that T.F. actually "signed" it. It's not the best picture, but my camera batteries died after the first shot. They are recharging now, but this pic will have to do for now. It says: "Sign here ____ if you will clean my room instead. Sign here ____ if you wont." And it's "signed" with a smiley face.

I'm done prepping!!!

I wish I could say I'm done with my consulting project, but that just isn't close to happening. More importantly, though, since my class starts Tuesday night, I'm all prepped and ready to go. I'm starting this semester in much better shape than I thought I would be, and that's a huge relief. Now I'm hoping for the best class ever. I am really happy to be teaching an evening class again. The morning classes tend to be exclusively traditional college students, which are fun (and probably help keep me young and on my toes). The evening classes are usually a fun mix of traditional and non-traditional students. Non-trads, on average, tend to be more engaged and participative in class, which makes it more enjoyable for me. The different types of students really tend to mix well and complement one another, making the class more dynamic and a better experience for everyone.

Last night was date night, and Mark had another night of surprises planned for me. We went to Madison and had dinner at one of our favorite Indian restaurants. It was a bonus night, because we got great food (always get that) AND great service (that's not a guarantee). We then went to the Bartell Theater to see the Mercury Players Theater perform, "Pillowman". It's a very dark play by British writer Martin McDonagh. This is the third performance of theirs that we've seen in the last year, and we have been blown away by their talent in every single one. They are fantastic actors--better than we see in many movies, and they are LIVE! With no teleprompters or cards! We love live music, and we love live plays, art-- It's so exciting and enjoyable to watch people follow and live their passion. It was fun to be part of that last night. We even had a great ride home. Pink Floyd was playing, it wasn't snowing or slippery, my stomach was full, my soul had been 'fed', and...Pink Floyd was playing. For a few minutes, everything was right with the world. Then we drove by Petland. Not alright anymore. Shit!

We stayed in all day today, and it was great, actually. Even Dej was home most of the day. We played games again. The Garden Game. It has great art and is cheerful on cold winter days (oh yeah, and educational too). Luciana won. I was losing pretty badly, and L. felt bad for me. It doesn't bother me at all to lose, but it bothers her for me to lose. She always tries to give me her money or cards, or whatever the game "currency" may be. Anyway during the game tonight, she drew a card that said she had to give me one of her cards. She gave me the blueberry card. That is her very favorite card. She will do anything to get the coveted blueberry card. She handed it to me, with such a sweet look on her face. I took it, very gratefully, realizing what a sweet, generous girl I am blessed with.

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

That's the sound of life at our house lately.

L & H have enjoyed building with an electronic circuit kit that she got from Uncle Dan for her birthday. It has the parts to make 300 different things--how cool is that?! So far they have been assembling the noisy things. I think this particular session they were building a car alarm or something like that. It's very exciting for them to be able to make things that actually work all by themselves.

One of L's xmas gifts was a spy kit that included a motion sensor. It works. Very well. She likes to set it up to protect things from the cats (mostly Lila). Last night we were playing the Garden Game (which is a very cool game my mom got us a few years back--one of our favorites) on our living room floor. Lila's favorite naughty deed is to run by and snatch the straw from my ever-present cup of ice water. I go through several straws a day, despite my best efforts to guard and protect my straw. I'm no match for a kitten's tenacity. Anyway, L decided she would set the motion sensor up on the box top from the game, which she stood up on its side. It was aimed right at my water, so everytime Lila approached for the steal, it beeped. Loudly. After a few preliminary sniffs, bats, and approaches, Lila outsmarted the device by simply pushing the box over and knocking down the alarm. It was cute and clever of her, and by that time, I was more than happy to sacrifice the straw just to stop the damn beeping!

My blog entries for the next week or so will probably be minimal. I just found out that the class I start teaching next week is now using a different textbook. Nobody thought to mention that to me until now, one week before the class starts. That leaves me a week to go through the textbook, select all assignments for the semester, create our semester schedule, modify my syllabus, create at least the first several grading rubrics, and prep for at least the first few classes. UGH! I am so not happy about this. At any rate, between that and my consulting project, I will be extremely busy for the next couple of weeks.

Today it took me a little over two hours to get to work. It usually takes me 45 minutes. There were several accidents (with injuries) on the interstate and the beltline. I also witnessed two accidents, right in front of me, on the interstate. They were pretty minor. Once I got on the interstate and saw how nasty and slow it was going to be, I would have turned around except that the east-bound lane (which I would have to take to get back home) was completely stopped due to a bad accident. They had fire trucks, ambulances, police, and were putting people on stretchers. I figured I might as well plug on through to Madison , rather than being stuck at a complete stop for god knows how long. I wish I had just stayed home and worked from home. We have had entirely too much snow this winter!

Dej had a debate meet this weekend, and the team qualified for nationals! She’s done an awesome job this year on debate. She was very excited about this regional meet and put a ton of work into preparing her arguments and practicing. Her partner, however, the worthless little piece of crap, didn’t bother to show up for practices or the meet, so she didn’t get to debate Saturday. All that work she did, and a selfish little idiot ruined it for her. Can you tell I’m a bit bitter about this?! She doesn’t work hard at very much, so when I see her working this hard at something, I know it’s really important to her. She was pretty bummed. I’m very worried that she’s tied to her idiot partner for nationals and hope he doesn’t deprive her of her last chance to compete. She also gave her big presentation on India , (for her International Academy project) last week and did extremely well on it. She was very excited about giving the presentation and felt good about it when she finished. Her teachers and class gave her a lot of positive feedback.

Here’s an interesting little tidbit about Dejanique. I have not heard her sing in a normal voice since she was very young. She started singing in this (purposely) very ugly high voice and would never sing, despite us constantly telling her to stop using the hideous voice and sing nicely. So yesterday, I was home for MLK day. She came home for lunch, not expecting anyone to be there. I was upstairs. As she came in the house and walked upstairs to her room, she was belting out some song that I don’t know—in a NORMAL voice. I was shocked. I truly had no idea what her normal singing voice was like. She was on key and can actually sing quite well. It’s a shame she’s kept it hidden. I do not sing well, so she didn’t get this from me!

A quickie

I'm having a bleh weekend and am feeling queasy for no apparent reason, so I wasn't going to blog tonight. Then I came downstairs to get some work done and saw this. Hunter & Luciana made this at some point. Not today, as she spent the day "redecorating" her newly repainted walk-in closet (our Saturday project--we still have to tackle the rest of her room). So anyway, I just thought it was so cute. As always, it's the little details that make it. It looks to be H's writing and L's artwork. It's the little hammer that really does it for me. Our group's resident artist and therefore de facto sign maker, Allegrea, will have some help soon. :D

Oh, and I should add that Hunter got a new baby rat. Her name is Zoe, and he loves her a lot. He requested that I put that on my blog. He is also planning to take a picture of her that he would like me to post. He does not use the computer, so he's never read or seen my blog. I can't begin to imagine why my 8 yr old daughter would talk to her 7 yr old friend about her mother's blog (which she does not read or know how to find either). I'm puzzled, but the kids will ask me if I posted about it, and I have to be able to truthfully say yes.

BBQ baby bunnies?

Last Wednesday night, we spent two hours with the Beloit Parks Commission, trying to convince them to modify their scheduled prairie burns to occur prior to March 31. Their typical burn window is between April 1 and mid May. Most burns in this area occur during that time frame. Burns are necessary to the health of a prairie but do not need to occur every year. Every two to three years is better. The problem with the typical six week burn window that most people do not consider, is that it is the primary nesting time for many of our native animals, rabbits, ducks, chipmunks, frogs, etc.—residents of these prairies. These animals are also part of the prairie ecosystem and are necessary to the health and to our enjoyment of the prairies. Healthy, adult animals can run for their lives, literally, when a burn occurs. Nesting babies cannot. They are completely helpless during this six-week time period. They will end up suffering one of two heinous fates: they will be charred to death in their nest or they will be painfully burned and die slowly as a result. All burns negatively impact the habitat of these animals as well as destroy insects. While there is no way to stage a controlled burn in a prairie without some negative impact on other beings, that impact can certainly be minimized. Simply shifting the dates of the controlled burns and committing to burn as humanely as possible will prevent many, many painful deaths that are completely unnecessary. This is one of many small things we can do, as cohabiters of this planet, to minimize our very negative impact. While the committee thanked us for the information, they did not feel able to make a decision. The earliest that they will make a decision will be mid March. I’m guessing they will burn as normal, during the six-week nesting period, this year at least, given the late decision. We’ll see, but in AR one is generally right when one assumes the worst.

One of the committee members so “kindly” pointed out that they aren’t “endangered”, so it’s a small sacrifice for a healthy prairie. He’s the same ignorant ass who used his very special skills of deductive logic to project the following scenario: if they don’t burn during that window garlic mustard will take over the prairie (I’ll just add briefly that nobody anywhere ever said that burning would eradicate garlic mustard. It doesn’t for many reasons that are too long and boring to elaborate on here, but if you’re interested in the topic it’s easy to find info online.); this will destroy all native plants/trees (again, no); this will result in the loss of all of our native species, as they will have nothing to eat (again, hell no, not even close to being accurate!); thereby as a result of not killing out a few sacrificial nesting animals, we will be eradicating all of Wisconsin’s native animals. He lives in a really special kind of world--one in which science and adaptive evolution do not exist, not to mention compassion.

This was Mark's first time speaking publicly on behalf of animal rights, and he did a great job. He provided an expert opinion, as he is the horitculture director of a botanical garden. Of course he's a highly in demand and polished professional speaker, so it's great to have him on our side!

The city of Janesville burns during this extremely destructive timeframe as well, and preliminary questions have resulted in a very callous, close-minded response from them. We will be taking them on as well, but it’s clear from initial contact, as well as their violent and dishonest geese murdering methods, that they could not care less about any of the city’s residents except humans. Nice, huh.

Please contact Lee Fassett to let him know that Beloit needs to care for ALL of its residents and that they need to lead the state in humane ecology. His e-mail address is: fassettl@ci.beloit.wi.us.

The Day of Luciana

She woke up and came downstairs to find that her Daddy had decorated the kitchen with streamers and birthday balloons, as he always does. Mark took the day off work. She decided that she would like to go to the Milwaukee Public Museum for her day, so we left in the morning and went to the museum. I love that museum. It's always very clean, and they have lots of great exhibits. We spent the day there, and we all had a blast. We were able to get back to town to have her birthday dinner at my mom's. L. wanted veggie burgers, fries, tomatoes, and peas for her birthday dinner, so that's what we had. She got a few small gifts for her actual birthday, but had to wait until Sunday's family party to get the rest.

Thursday night (her birthday) was her first tae kwon do class. We gave her the option to go or to stay home and play games. She chose TKD class, so she and Mark went to class together. She enjoyed her first class, so we'll both be interested to see if she chooses to stick with it. Since she gets to do it with Daddy, I'm guessing she will. They have lots of fun no matter what they do together.

Friday we spent a lot of time on history. We just moved into early Egyptian history, and she is really excited about mythology and the heiroglyphics. In retrospect, I see we should have done language first. It's a lot easier to convince her to go from pronouns to ancient Egypt than the reverse!

I tried a new recipe Friday night for dinner. It turned out pretty good, but I will need to tweak it a bit next time. I made Roasted Tomato Bean Soup from Dreena Burton's "Vive le Vegan" cookbook. Dej loved it, Mark liked it, and L. ate it (she rarely loves something the first time she tries it, but eating it is a good sign). Next time I make it, I will use less black pepper than it calls for. I'm just not a fan of the taste of black pepper, and I could pick up enough of the flavor that it bothered me.

L. and I spent a good portion of the day in the kitchen on Saturday. After we returned from her gymnastics class, we started baking cupcakes. She requested cupcakes as her treat of choice for the family party. She wanted vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting. Meh. Boring. We have all these tantalizing gourmet cupcakes in the vegan cupcake recipe book we were using, and I kept trying to lure her to one of the more exciting choices. She was determined to stick with the vanilla, so we did. She wanted to have green frosting with pink decorations. She also wanted to bake a pan of mini cupcakes, as she had gotten a mini pan in a cooking set from Aunt Bobbi last year. She thought since M. isn't much of a sweet eater, he would like to have a little cupcake instead of a full-sized one. That way he could enjoy her birthday treat too. I'm pleased to say that yet another recipe from our cupcake book turned out fabulous! They were very good, and she did a great job decorating them. I have learned that if I fill the pastry bag with just a small amount of the frosting, she can squeeze it out herself, and she just loves that part of the process!

Saturday night Mark and I had date night, and he had planned another top secret activity. I didn't know what we were doing or where we were going. He only told me to dress nicely. We went to Rockford's Coronado Theater to see the symphony orchestra. They had a performance by a female trombone player who was very good, and it's unusual to see female trombone players. She was a small pretty, delicate woman from Tokyo, who really worked that trombone. Mark very much enjoys listening to trombonists (I have no idea if that's the correct term for it), as he plays trombone himself. We were very impressed by the concert as a whole, and even more impressed by the Coronado. It is absolutely stunning! It's restored beautifully--very ornate--and words cannot possibly do it justice. We agreed that we will return to future events there, as we really enjoyed the whole experience.

Dej's birthday gift to L. was to take her to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. L. and D. have never actually gone anywhere alone together with D. driving. L. was very excited to be going out with her sister like grownups. They had snacks and both girls said the movie was very funny. L. will remember this gift forever, I'm sure. They returned from the movie this afternoon shortly after M.'s parents and brother Dan arrived for the celebration. They built with blocks and with Lego's until it was time to go out for her dinner. She selected Red Robin, and my parents met us there. After dinner we came back so she could open her gifts and to have cupcakes. She got lots of nice gifts--more than she needed of course--books, clothes, more Legos, jewelry, electronics kit, etc. We gave her a gift she has been asking for since before xmas, one of those claw machines. She was really excited and had my dad get it ready and operational right away. It was then that we discovered that it plays a hideously loud circus song the entire time it is being played. It has no volume. It has no "off" switch. I may never get the stupid circus song out of my head. She went to bed a tired, happy girl. She's eight now! Eight. Wow.

The end of 7

Going back to work this week (and getting up early again) has been very painful. It’s Wednesday now, though, so I made it through another “week”. We’ve had really bad fog this week (Sun. – Tues.), so driving to Madison hasn’t been much fun. Thank goodness I missed the 100-car pile up, which still hasn’t been entirely cleaned up.

Last night Allegrea and I spoke at a meeting of “Young Explorers”. It’s a group in which kids pick an area/field that they are interested in and spend the school year learning about it and doing activities. These kids were in the “animals” field. There were about 15 girls there, between 14-17. Allegrea got things started and did the first half without me, as Tuesday is my late workday, and I couldn’t get back from Madison in time. Jezebel and I came for the last half of the meeting, which turned out to be longer, because they had lots of questions. We felt it went really well, and they seemed very excited—took a lot of pamphlets and bumper stickers. One of the girls was already a vegetarian and trying to get her mom to be. I don’t think the groups are separated by gender, so it was a bit discouraging that not one young man was interested in the animals field. Not surprising, but sad. Jezebel was a big hit, of course, and was very well behaved. The meeting was at the education room of our Humane Society. I wondered how she would do and if she would have bad flashbacks of living there. She seemed a bit distressed at first, but I don’t know if it was due to the smells or some remembrance that she did NOT want to be at that place. Once she realized that there was a room full of girls—potential belly scratchers—who wanted to give her attention, she was a happy pup. She wandered from kid to kid the whole time like the little love whore that she is. Two of the (many) topics we covered was pits/dog fighting and pet shops/puppy mills. Jezi was a good ambassador for both issues, as a very sweet pit mix rescue dog.

I got home in time to read to L. before bed and have a little cuddle. I didn’t have nearly enough time with her. Then it was time for another bunny date. Yes, my rabbits are a-courting. It’s been so long since I’ve tried to pair bond rabbits, that I couldn’t remember the best approaches, so I called the expert, my friend Julie. She reminded me that they need to have “dates” in a completely neutral area (outside their room), so territory isn’t an issue. So every night, we carry the rabbits to the upstairs bathroom, shut the door (although the cats would desperately love to join us), and wait for the magic. The magic is another way to say that they must establish their roles and form a relationship, which can only be done after several “mounting” sessions occur and they form a bond. It doesn’t matter that they are fixed, and it doesn’t matter who is the mounter and who is the mountee. Scraps has decided that she is to be the mounter and Thumper is the mountee. He just wants to snuggle next to her and be groomed. She wants to vigorously hump his head until he runs away. It's a power thing--not a sex thing. I am not loving this whole thing, but we are making progress. I think after a few more dates, I will be able to get rid of Scraps’ cage and let her run free with Thumpy. It’s times like that—when I’m sitting in my bathroom, trying to write VB code on my laptop, while watching my girl bunny hump my boy bunny like, well, a rabbit, that I wonder how I ended up with such a very weird life.

We had friends over Saturday night and stayed up much later than we should have, but we had fun. Denny (also my cousin) and Susan came over with their dogs, Max & Millie. We ordered in Chinese food. L. also had her friend Emily over to spend the night. After dinner, the girls went off and did their own thing, and Dej went out (of course). We went downstairs with all four dogs (Petey and Ivan also joined us) to watch the movie, Sicko. The dogs all got along, except that Max & Millie were much better behaved than our dogs (of course). Most dogs are better behaved. Daisy, the smallest of all four dogs was determined to hump Max, who is a LARGE (over 100 pounds probably) golden retriever about three times her size. If dogs could laugh, he would have laughed at her, I’m sure. It was hilarious, yet embarrassing. The movie was fantastic! I can’t recommend enough that you see it if you haven’t already. It was enlightening, and certainly sad in parts, but ended up leaving me with a feeling of empowerment. This problem can be fixed, and we can change the U.S. to truly be a government by the people and for the people (and it is so, so far from that now). All it takes is enough people to wake up and demand better. It doesn’t have to stay this way. Please, watch Sicko!

My baby will be EIGHT tomorrow! How did that happen?! Tomorrow will be the "Day of Luciana".

The New Year

The whole New Year's Eve crew (except Mark who was the photographer) toasting at midnight.


We spent New Year's Eve at my parents' house, and (my aunt) Bobbi and Todd joined us this year. We played a lot of games and watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We traditionally watch this movie at some point during the winter holidays. We all enjoy it. We played Sequence for the first time. My in-laws gave us the game for xmas, knowing we play a lot of games in the evenings. It was really fun. I think we all agreed that it was a game we will definitely be playing again. At the stroke of midnight, we all toasted to the new year with our sparkling cider. The big guy was feeling quite celebratory this year and slammed the bubbly. ;D

My brother called while we were watching the movie with some horrible news. Their puppy, Johnny, was playing in the yard with their oldest boy (Pavielle) and was ruthlessly attacked by a pit bull from across the street. They called from the emergency vet clinic, where Johnny was currently being patched up. At that point, nobody knew if he would make it or not, as they didn't know about internal injuries. He made it, though, which was a great way to start out the new year--what amazing luck! If Pavielle had not been out there with him, if the pit had grabbed him from a different angle, if Pav hadn't reacted so quickly and so well (screaming at the top of his lungs for help), Johnny wouldn't still be with us. I'm so sad, though, that both Johnny and Pav had to have such a brutal and scary experience. The pit's "owners" were breeding her. She had a litter of 8 puppies at home--most or all, future fighters I'm sure. How sad that there are no laws that can protect the victims of this type of thing, and I actually include the pit as a victim. Dogs do not go out of their way to attack and kill other dogs from behind unless they have been brutalized or fight trained. The humans who are behind this mauling will not suffer at all. The most they can be "punished" by law is to be forced to pay for Johnny's medical expenses.


Cute little Johnny, after the attack.




Baxter says, "No, you will not play Luciana's new game". (A xmas gift) He feels it is his personal mission to seek out and lie upon any laptops, gameboards, or books, in the house.

Luciana and Allegrea exchange xmas gifts a little late.

It was great to be able to get together and kind of decompress from our holiday events.

I had to take Lila to the vet today to get a booster shot (distemper), and as always, I try to maximize my vet visits. I asked the vet if there was a way to tell if a female rabbit has been spayed without cutting her open. As I feared, the answer, medically speaking, is no. There are some behavioral type cues to look for, though, and based on those, I think Scraps is spayed. From a procreation standpoint, we're okay, because Thumper is neutered. From a health perspective, though, she needs to be spayed as unspayed rabbits have extremely high rates of uterine cancer. So I ended up in the birdroom trying to examine Scraps' little bunny vulva to see if it appeared purplish and shiny (lubricated). I don't think it did, but then this is the first bunny vulva I have had occasion to actually examine. Since I wasn't totally sure, I moved on to the next 'test', placing my hands on her back, near her hips, to see if she would take the posture of being mounted. She didn't (or hey, maybe she's just not into chicks, who knows). So I left the birdroom feeling that 1) she has probably been spayed, but I still plan to research this more; and 2) like a pervert! So I keep this mental list of weird things I've had to do that I never in a zillion years would think I would do (these are the same items I can whip out and bring any conversation/party to a screeching halt). I'm now adding examine bunny vulva and faux mounting a small rabbit. These items join other such proud moments as picking live maggots from an open sore, re-inserting bird's "lady parts", manually stimulating kitten anus so he could poop, and oh-so-many other high points. I know, I will stop now, as at this point talking about the glamour that is my life is just plain bragging!

I am pleased to say that we got our tree down and put away and have almost restored the house to it's pre-xmas "cleanliness". We even go Luciana's rotating, lighted solar system put together and mounted on her ceiling. That was a gift from her sister, and it's pretty cool. I had a secret little fantasy that when we got it up and working, she would think it was so cool that she would decide to try sleeping in her room. No. Now don't get me wrong, I still fully believe in co-sleeping and have no regrets whatsoever. It's just that, well, she's really big now, and she moves around a lot! Sharing a room with her and many, many cats makes for a rough night's sleep, pretty much always. If only there were a bed larger than king size (oh, and our bedroom was large enough to accomodate it).

We took Luciana to see The Water Horse on Wednesday, and it was a very cute movie. She is totally hooked on the Loch Ness 'monster' now. She came home from the move and started creating a book about water horses. She asked me for an empty three-ring binder (which I always have plenty of), so she could put all of her art, writing, and research in it. It's called, "The Water Horse Book". I will be scanning some of her work in and posting it eventually. It's pretty cute.

I have also started my weekend of mourning, as I have to go back to work on Monday. I have so loved my time off and am desolate that it's coming to an end.