A quick copy & paste post

I wasn't going to blog today. It's been a long day, and I was decompressing a bit by reading the latest at FSTDT.com. When I ran across these posts, I just had to share, because I found them entertaining and they made me laugh. A lot. These quotes are posts, posted by xians on religous boards. They are serious. Dead serious. The authors of these did not intend these to be funny! They are warnings. Dire, dire warnings.

This one is from not just any old religious board, but the Republican Faith Chat:

FACT:
1 out of 5 masturbators will become registered sex offenders.
2 out of 5 will engage in beastality.
2 out of every 3 men who masturbate will engage in a long term homo-sexual relationship and practice incest.
2 of the same 3 men will commit suicide. All of them will burn in Hell for their sins.
90% of all men who masturbate will have one or more STD’s in their life.
53% will die from a sexually related disease.
Repeated masturbation will lead to penile dysfunction, spinal injury, and prostate cancer.
67% of men who masturbate will become addicted to pornography, lose their jobs and families, and develop a severe depression.
Democrats practice self-abuse 10 times more often than Republicans due to their lack of morals.
The Lord makes his stance on Masturbation very clear: Leviticus 26:16 “I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning argue, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: should ye shall spill your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it”

FICTION:
It’s OK to masturbate if you are looking at Playboy or thinking about your girlfriend.
What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
It’s normal for young men to masturbate together or experiment sexually.
Masturbating is a safe, non-infectious way to relieve sexual tension. There is no risk involved whatsoever.
The more you masturbate the better you become at controlling your orgasm when making love.
If it feels good do it.
Self gratification is an expression of one’s self.
Creative and successful people masturbate frequently.
From a lying, secular 20th-century medical perspective: “I can assure you that this activity in no way affects mental or physical health.” — Dr. Peter Gott, nationally syndicated medical columnist, August 12, 1997.
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Athiests as a Majority
This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.

ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet. ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there! The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END
Scary, isn't it?

It's creepy--it's almost as if they had our house bugged. Drat!! Our secrets are out.