Margarita Monday

This is a pic that L made using Paint. It's so much better than anything I could make with any software!

L has returned! M & I went to his parents’ Sunday morning and spent the day with the family. We got home at around 8:30 and had to start in on our Sunday chores (mostly animal stuff), which made for a late night without much time to visit with our girl. She had a great time, though, and she and all four of the cousins got along well for the duration of the visit. I wish she had cousins nearby like I did growing up, but hopefully they will still be able to foster a good relationship as they get older. Family is important—even if you have nothing in common but being family, I think the sense of belonging to a “tribe” is important for children.

Hunter was with M & I the majority of the time that L was gone, so we didn’t have a preponderance of downtime. I did enjoy the extra quiet time, though. As much as I missed my girl, I have a deep and pressing need for my quiet, alone time. I become very dysfunctional very quickly without it. The fact that she can talk for like 14 hours straight with very brief breaks for eating, can sometimes drive me to mentally scream, “STOP!! I need 30 seconds of silence to actually compose a thought!!” While I enjoyed the unusual gift of silence (at least from humans), I was definitely ready for her to be home.

She called us Friday and Saturday nights and wasn’t remotely homesick or sad. I think she had enough going on that she didn’t even miss us! I’m pretty sure she missed her animals more than her parents and other grandparents. I’m okay with that! I love that she can get away from us without any codependency. It’s important that she has outlets like that, particularly when we get into the unpleasant teen years. Even though I miss her terribly, she needs the opportunity to build relationships with other adults and children independent of her parents and their relationships.

This morning was L’s first day of her College for Kids camp. She will be there every day this week from 9-3:30. L has attended this camp every summer since she was old enough, and Dej also attended when she was in that age group. It’s an excellent program! I am hoping to send H next year, too. There was an awesome selection of classes, and she had a really hard time choosing only two, which is all they have time to take. Both of the classes she picked were from the art department: “Exquisite Corpses: Create an Artist's Book" and “Awesome Artists”. I was hoping she would select a science/computer science class, and she almost did, but in the end she went with the art. I wanted it to be fun for her, so she had the final choice.

Additionally, one of the classes I really wanted her to take will be offered during the school year on Saturdays, so she will be able to take that class later, where this is the only shot at the art classes. Because I had to work in Madison today (my LONG day), my mom did the drop off and pick up. I wish that I could have gone on her first day, but I will be able to pick her up the rest of the week, and will be able to come to the parents’ day activity on Friday.

This is L’s first year of going to the camp for a full day and having to take and eat lunch there. The younger kids only go in the morning or afternoon. She’s never had to take a lunch and eat in an environment like that, so I’ve been pretty stressed about it. I so wanted to take off early and go have lunch with her. My mom could have gone for lunch as well. Neither of us did, though, because the truth is that she wasn’t at all nervous about the lunch experience, nor was she concerned with navigating to her classes on her own. New things don’t bother her like they did Dej at that age or me (or my mother). It’s just another adventure to her, and she doesn’t seem to entertain the “what if” thoughts. She makes friends quickly and easily and had already made a new friend before my mom left the building!

Everything about this experience is good for her and has the added benefit of being fun for her. I don’t know why I have to feel so neurotic about it. Seriously, I would like to take off the rest of the week from work, just so I can hang out on campus and keep an eye on her. I will not impose my neuroses on her or even mention them to her. The way she looks at the world is much better, and I don’t want to cloud her view with my crap! That’s the logical part of me. The insane mommy lurking beneath still wants to secretly watch her from afar. I need to get a grip on this, because she will be attending another all-day M-F camp the first week of August, and this one is in Madison! {*I will not stalk my child while she is enjoying her mommy-free camp activities. I will not stalk my child while she is enjoying her mommy-free camp activities.* Now if I write that another 500 times or so, maybe it will stick. ;-) }

The logical part of me also realizes that she is absolutely not a child who needs to be overprotected from life. She is a very strong, confident, well-adjusted girl, and is rightfully insulted when my behavior implies otherwise. It’s very frustrating to know that my feelings are illogical yet I continue to feel that way! It’s not even really that I’m concerned for her safety as much as I just like to watch her experience life. I want to know every detail of her day, and I feel like I’ve missed out on so much without being there. I won’t even get to see her creations until Friday!

Thursday night we met the in-laws in Rockford, had dinner together, and they took her back with them. As we were leaving (perhaps in an effort to distract me from tears?), M suggested that we stop by Borders before we returned home. I still haven’t finished the last batch of books from our last bookstore shopping spree, so I didn’t really intend to get anything else. I swear the two of us should not be allowed in bookstores without some kind of adult supervision.
M has a bigger pile of unread books than I do, yet he got more. I was trying so hard to be good and just stick with my Somerset Studio magazine, and I almost made it. Damn those checkout displays. Damn them to hell! My eye went immediately to a book I’ve heard about and wanted to read, “Shit my Dad Says It’s totally not my usual genre, but I was familiar with the author from his website, and had laughed to the point of tears while reading some of the quotes. M, like the bookwhore he is, started enabling me by encouraging me to buy it. I resisted…”No, I’ll wait until the library gets it.” He pressed…”Just get it, it looks funny and other people will want to read it when you’re done.” As you can see, I had no choice in the matter and was forced to purchase this book. I felt like a stupid impulse buyer for two days. Then I started reading the book yesterday. I laughed out loud, non-stop! I laugh infrequently. I laugh out loud so rarely these days that it’s quite sad. I continued to laugh out loud until I stopped reading when we got home last night. I think now, that the benefits of that much laughter have to at least be worth the $15 I spent on it, and I’m feeling much less guilty. I’ll be ready to loan it out soon! It’s a very enjoyable read!

Saturday night after H went home, M & I decided to take advantage of our leisure and go see Inception. It was good for the most part. My complaint is pretty consistent across most movies—they wasted probably a total of 45 minutes on fighting, shooting, chasing, and I was mind-numbingly bored the entire time. I wish I could have brought a book, so I have something to do when the boring crap comes on. Especially in a movie like this, where they could have used that time to fill in with more of the cerebral material. They could have easily developed the sci-fi type plot element, which was really quite interesting. It left the viewer to decide how the movie actually ended, and I kind of appreciate movies/shows that leave room for the viewer’s own interpretation. I won’t spoil the movie for anyone, but it most definitely leaves you questioning what, exactly, is reality. It’s a question that I love to ponder (still don’t have an answer, though), and this movie added some interesting angles from which I can view this question.