Hallie

I've done a fabulous job, yet again, at procrastinating something I didn't feel like doing. Our Sweet Hallie died Tuesday, December 22. It's still very emotional for me to talk/write about, so I've put off blogging. I'm still not over Baxter, or my friend Carrie's death, and to have to deal with Hallie so soon is just too much! Sunday's ultrasound revealed an enlarged liver. She had lymphoma. It wasn't really the cancer that was killing her, though, it was that she quit eating and drinking.


We tried to put her on an IV and syringe feed her a high calorie wet food. If she could get past the dehydration and put on a little weight, she would have had a decent quality of life for at least a few weeks, but she wasn't up for the fight. According to our team of vets, siamese cats are notorious for giving up and not fighting through health issues.


By Tuesday, she had almost 36 hours of liquid and nutritious calories pumped into her, but was completely checked out emotionally. She had rallied breifly on Monday night and very clearly said her goodbyes, but I needed to see if she would improve the next day and I also needed to bring Lila (her daughter) in to say her goodbyes.


Luce, Lila, and I went in on Tuesday to see Hallie off. As always, it was so, so, so painful. She rallied again to say her goodbyes to Lila. She very obviously, "checked back in" to her body, and gave her daughter an affectionate face rub. They had a few moments together, then Hallie checked out again, and Lila was ready to get down and explore. Luce called the vet in and told her we were ready. She already had the IV line in, so it was quick and easy. We rubbed her cheeks and chin the way she loved, and told her we loved her until she was completely gone.


I have absolutely no doubt that that was what she wanted. She knew she was loved and that we respected her wishes. I wish she had tried to fight a little harder, a little longer. I would gladly have taken her and cared for her as long as she was willing, but I loved her too much to be selfish about keeping her with us. She was such a sweet girl and a good mommy!


She and Baxter have left us with two huge, gaping, unfillable holes in our home.


So now that I've finished the blog entry I've been avoiding, I can cover our holidays in my next post, which will be in a day or two--not 10 this time!

All photos are from our family crafting night on Thursday. The first is M relaxing by the fire before everyone arrives. The very sparkly pink tree with purple decorations is Luciana's. So far, I'm shocked to say, the cats have left both trees alone!

I'm so discouraged with life right now. The money situation isn't great already, and true to our pattern, we've followed up our annual December giant auto repair with a major (expensive!) feline health disaster. Chloe seems to be doing better now, but Hallie has taken a huge turn for the worse.

I've noticed her health degrading over the last week. She wasn't eating well and seemed to be dropping weight again. She stopped eating yesterday, and I have not been able to coax any food or water into her. I took her to our vet this morning. Now they think she may not have diabetes, or she may have diabetes and something else. Her liver enzymes are critically elevated. They have no idea why or what's going on with her now. They speculated that the liver's proximity to her pancreas caused the pancreas to malfunction slightly and skew her glucose.

So I now have an extremely lethargic little girl who is down to 4.8 pounds (down from her peak healthy weight of 8 pounds. We are going back tomorrow (yes, on Sunday--my vet made special arrangements with a vet friend of hers) and they will give Hallie and ultrasound. We are all hoping that will shed a little light on the situation, because right now, even the vets are completely stumped. All I know for sure is that today's visit and lab work were very expensive. Tomorrow's ultrasound will be a minimum of $300 on top of that, and I am not sure how we're going to swing it. I will find a way though.

In the meantime, I have to watch my sweet girl who is basically a tiny, little bag of bones, and I feel helpless. I have a ringer's bag, so I can give her sub-cu fluids. I've also been heating up some extremely disgusting prescription high-calorie canned flesh of some poor other animal, and trying to coax Hallie into taking a lick or two. I'm trying every hour to get her to eat something, but haven't had much luck. I mostly just gag and wretch, from the smell and looks of the ick-nast food. Another rockin Saturday night for me!

The kids have their cat village spread across the entire living room again. They are having tons of fun. Their happy little giggles and laughs help cheer me up a bit.

We've had a very busy week, and it looks like it will continue at that pace until after xmas at least. We took some time out Thursday evening for some fun. We had our B-D family crafting night. This year, we made snowpeople and xmas trees. My parents and Dej & Luke came. Hunter couldn't make it this year (we'll do our craft with him later), because the only free time the rest of us had in common, H wasn't able to make it.

On the extremely plus side, I do not have to go to work (either job) until Jan. 4! Other than grading and housework, I will be a woman of leisure for the next couple of weeks. I've already planned four weeks worth of projects that I am hoping to knock out over my break. Why bother with realistic goals when I can set ridiculous goals that I have no hope of actually achieving? ;-)

I just now returned from feeding Hallie, and she ate a spoonful. It wasn't even a teaspoon, just a baby spoon, but I was so happy I cried!


back row (L->R) Mark's, Dej's, Luke's

front row (L->R) Amy's, Grandpa's, Grandma's, Luciana's






back row (L->R) Mark's, Dej's, Luke's

front row (L->R) Amy's, Grandpa's, Grandma's, Luciana's

Revolution, the only solution

<-- Day & night views of the Botswana picture, because I couldn't decide which I liked best.

One of many “bird-room issues” I’ve been trying to resolve is the window situation. I had the room built with four large windows, so it would be bright and cheerful and allow the birds to enjoy the garden. The birds eat/destroy any window coverings I put up in there, leaving the windows completely exposed. Exposed, clear windows can be fatal for the birds, if they try to fly through the window. I have tried various types of window clings and gels, only to find they fall down and/or the rabbits pull them down to chew on. The rabbits are able to get up to the windows by jumping up on things near and in front of the windows. There is no end to the havoc those two rabbits can cause. I even tried taping some pictures up, using Scotch tape all the way around the paper, and they ripped those down as well. I’m so happy that I think I’ve found a permanent solution: Window crayons.

Best of all, it’s a cheap fix—less than $5 for a box that will last for ages. Another benefit is that L enjoyed drawing on the birdroom windows and is looking forward to changing it from time to time. She enjoyed it so much, that she took the crayons upstairs and decorated her mirrors. The rabbits already tried their best destructive techniques, but the most they could do is slightly smudge the crayon. Why did it take me so long to think of this?!! That was my big achievement for the week.

Every year in December & January without fail, we end up having some huge, catastrophic car expense and a huge, catastrophic vet bill. M just made a joke about wondering when one of our cars would go, because it’s December. Sure enough, the Cirrus went this morning in a big way. We have a $1,700 repair that has to be done. I really dislike the idea of putting that much money into a 10 year old car, but M dislikes the idea of another car payment more, so we’re stuck with it. Chloe is showing signs of being in pain, so she needs to return to the vet. I can only imagine and dread how that will turn out!

So M felt the need to mention to his parents (on their last phone conversation) that I had injured myself, and worse, to explain the ridiculous and ignominious incidents (yes, there was another incident besides my fall/shoulder injury a couple of weeks ago) surrounding the injuries. Really, that much detail was not necessary. I read M’s dad’s weekly letter that is e-mailed to all of the relatives on the D side of the family (every Sunday night). I got to the bottom of the first page, when I read with horror, the lovely description of my little ‘incidents’. Super! Now the entire D family thinks I’m weird AND have the coordination of a two-year old. I’m okay with flying my freak flag, but really don’t need to add my absurd inability to navigate life without hurting myself on top of that!

Final instructions...

A message to my friends & family: If I die before you do, it is your sacred duty to make sure any funeral-ish type of event does NOT include ANY religious crap of any kind at all, not even a prayer! No sappy music either. If there is music, it should be Prince, SOAD, or Pink Floyd. The only sappy thing that should be allowed is the Christina Rossetti poem that I love: "Remember".

And further, I hold you, my friends, responsible for taking the opportunity of a captive audience and turning the whole thing into an animal rights event. Show "Meet Your Meat" or something of that nature. You hard-core AR freaks better completely co-opt the event or I will find a way to come back and make sure your toilets never flush again! ;P Please feel free to mock me, laugh at my supreme uncoordination, and/or pat yourselves on the back for being able to put up with me--I know it's not easy!

We got our tree up and partially decorated. M has been working at the light show for the majority of the weekend, so we haven't had much family time. M didn't work Saturday night, which was date night. We had to spend the date night wrapping presents. We didn't finish, because I'm not done shopping yet. I really, really wish I was.

L made this canvas to memorialize Baxter. This little book in the upper right corner actually opens up. It's a little description of Baxter.

Hallie decided to hang out in the kitchen sink tonight while L was taking her spelling test.

RIP Carrie, my dear friend :(

We all got to stay home today and enjoy a snow day. Except when poor M had to go out and snowblow. We got over a foot of snow last night and were so lucky today to be able to stay home and enjoy it without having to go anywhere. It's a rare day that the three of us get to stay in and not have to go anywhere for a whole day! I could have worked from home, but what's the fun in that? With such a huge amount of good packing snow, I wanted to stay with my girl, so we could have a fun day. I worked from home yesterday, as the roads were horrible! I started out, got to the interstate, and turned around and went back home. It was a productive, though not fun, day.
Tica very generously helped M eat his tofurkey sandwich after he came in from snowblowing. She's always there to help her family out, especially at the table.

It turned out to be a really good thing I had the day off, as I got a phone call shortly before 5:00 this morning that has just gutted me for the day. My beautiful, young, healthy friend Carrie died last night. It was sudden and unexpected. She felt unwell, went to the hospital, and was dead a few hours later. She left her beautiful young daughter, Caitlin, her soulmate Eric, and her beloved cat Cisco. Carrie was a a wonderful person. She was a student of mine, a good friend, a coworker, and a fellow IT professional. While I am feeling sick at the thought of never seeing Carrie again, I am absolutely heartbroken for Caitlin, Eric, and Cisco. She was such a great mom! She was a strong woman who made me proud to call her my friend. I'm now alternating between disbelief, crying, and ferocious anger.

There are two despicable human beings from Carrie's last place of employment who at least indirectly if not directly caused this. They unprofessionally tormented and stressed her beyond belief for a very long period of time. She moved on a few months ago, but the stress and emotional trauma those two assholes caused will not ever be forgotten. Steve and Brian will be held responsible for this. I blame them. She is not the first person they have done this to. Because I'm still very angry, I am going to take some time to think this through along with all the implications before I divulge their last names or place of employment. I would love to out them, but I'm learning to be a little less rash and take some thinking time when I'm extremely angry.

Luce is pretty sad, too. She really liked Carrie and feels horribly for Caitlin. This poor baby will not have her mommy here for xmas. It really is like a bad dream and I HATE that I can't fix it or do a damn thing to help.

L had fun in the snow today though. Last time M & I went to Target, we saw these snow-brick builders on and endcap. I pointed them out and mentioned how much fun my brother and I used to have with ours. I loved that thing and spent hours and hours making snow bricks and building forts. M decided L needed to have one, and I pointed out that we don't get that much snow at a time anymore and it was pretty unlikely she would be able to do much with it. It was going to be a xmas present, but he couldn't wait and gave it to her today. It was perfect snow for it--tons of great packing snow.

Our lilacs across the back privacy fence and several of our conifers are bowed/broken from the weight of the snow. The lilacs will be fine. They'll ultimately come back stronger than ever. The conifers probably won't fare so well. At least were were among the lucky who still have power. The weight of the snow downed many power lines, leaving people without any power. That would be horrible for us. The birds wouldn't survive very long. That is something that scares me a lot. If I had the money, I would get a generator to keep on hand just for that reason. But I don't, so I will just continue to worry.

Happy Anniversary, parents!

I kept thinking you'd stop by at some point, as you usually do on Sundays, so I could give you the card. By the time I decided you weren't stopping by, I was too lazy to go back out.

My little sweeties spent 7 hours last night and 3 hours today building and playing with their cat towns. They use a mixture of a couple of sets of plain wooden blocks and scraps of wood that M brings home. The wooden blocks were seriously one of the best 'toy' investments ever. She has enjoyed playing with them since she was a toddler, and has come up with so many creative uses for them.

M has the volunteers at the gardens build trellises and obelisks quite often. They end up with fairly uniform one-inch pieces of wood, of varying lengths. The kids absolutely never get bored with the wood blocks.

They put a lot of thought and creativity into their cat towns, and laugh and giggle most of the time they are playing. I love their creations! It does make it a bit challenging to use the living room, as the towns are generally spread across the whole room. They get pretty pissy when one of our real cats knocks down or bumps any part of the cat town.

L wore one of her new outfits to dance today. Sarita's daughter, Ankita, outgrew some of her clothing, so L inherited some lovely new outfits. Ankita is only 12 but is very tall already. This tunic (that she wore today) is my favorite. I love the colors and design and am so jealous that I can't get one in my size!

As soon as we got to class today, Meenakshi sent me out on an errand for her. While I wasn't thrilled with the act of errand running, I was a bit tickled. I've been co-opted to assist the guru in any way necessary, which indicates that I've been accepted as part of the Kalaanjali family. It's kind of an honor. Now, if I can actually figure out how to tie a Sari without having to take it in for help, I'll be all set. ;)

L selected 'The Waterhorse' for our family movie tonight, so I'm off to watch that. It's a very cute movie, and I don't mind watching it again. Maybe I can get through without crying this time. Probably not.

Dog day

This is the new bed we got for Chloe. It's quite nice. It's a water bed that is supposed to help with her hip dysplasia and arthritis. She has not yet lay on it. It's been at the foot of our bed all week, but Chloe continues to ignore it. I am trying to lure her away from sleeping in our bed. She's giant and wakes me up a zillion times a night by launching her big self up on the bed. She then proceeds to sit there and pant, turning our bed into a vibrating bed. I cannot sleep through that.

The cats, however, think her bed is pretty cool. Ivan likes the way it feels when he kneads it with his sharp claws. Any bets on how much longer the bed will stay intact?

The dogs had their swimming day on Friday. We put Jezi in a life jacket, but didn't make her go in. Her tail is much better and she's moving it again, but I didn't want to make her swim if there was still discomfort. She chose not to go in.

Daisy really scared us! She's our little waterbaby, but she seemed really off during swimming. She wasn't edging up and anxious to get into the pool like usual. She didn't smile the whole time she was swimming, as she usually does. She even had her ears back and looked distressed. I was REALLY worried about her. The mystery was resolved a couple hours later when she yakked up an entire plastic toy in a big pile of tiny, chewed up pieces.

She snatched one of the little plastic people that go to L's big dollhouse downstairs. Once that came up, Daisy was her normal spazzy little self. I'd love to know what makes her bypass the piles of her own toys and not just chew, but completely eat an entire plastic person. It's kind of amazing she's still alive with all of the ridiculous things she has done and eaten through the years!

I'm pretty sure that however you spent your Friday night, it was better than sifting through a pile of dog vomit to ascertain exactly what it was she had eaten and to determine if it all came up and was cleared out or if there was enough left inside to cause a blockage.

Sometimes the truth of the situation becomes undeniable: the inmates (animals) are running the asylum. And I'm their bitch. But then I quickly stuff that truth back down and return to my little pretense of being in charge. It's a little less frightening that way.

There's going to be a shit hurricane.

Thursday night brought our first real snow of the season. It was quite icey. I was not one of the many cars who went off the road and/or had an accident. Walking is much more hazardous and dangerous for me. I started the winter out with a bang! Literally. The bang was my fat ass hiting the pavement. One minute, I was walking in the blinding snow, trying to see past the huge flakes, the next moment I was suspended in mid air, and the next, I landed on my shoulder, hand, knee and hip. I have a lovely tapestry of bruises on my right side, and my should feels like it's been ripped out and isn't moving very well today. I'm in quite a bit of pain today--moving very slowly. I'll be fine eventually.

My clumsiness has reached epic proportions. It's to the point of ridiculousness now. Really! Walking should not be that hard! I don't wear heels. I'm not sashaying or any other fancy moves. Yet putting one foot in front of the other and staying upright seems to be pushing the limits of my skills. Just one time, when people ask why I'm walking funny or have strange bruises, to be able to attribute it to some fun, exotic activity, like mountain climbing or something. No I'm forced to give answers like... walking, or getting in my car, or walking up the steps.

M had to work tonight. It was the first night of the light show at the Gardens. L & I got lots of cleaning done tonight and had lots of time with the critters. It was a fairly productive, if not particularly fun, night. L snuck off for a few minutes by herself and made an early xmas present for me. She had put some things in the cart when we ran out to Michael's earlier today--M had given her permission. I was busy picking up some supplies for another B-D family holiday craft night. (Now if we can actually find a time this month that all of us can get together, we'll be all set!)

Tale of a selfish mommy :(

I’ve indulged myself, at my daughter’s expense, and now I’ve created a situation. L has always had excellent speaking skills, even as a baby/toddler. She had a small handful of words and phrases that she spoke with her own little twist, and we found those very cute. Through the years, she naturally picked up on and corrected her speech errors. We were sad to see each one go. I still wish I could hear her say ‘lellow’ (yellow) or ‘could you do me a favorite?’ (favor), and other remnants of her babyhood. One has remained, however.

I never made a point to correct her, because 1) it was cute, and 2) she resolved the others on her own, and I figured when she was ready this would go too. I wasn’t worried about it, because she is homeschooled, we don’t have nearly as much to worry about as far as her being teased or bullied. Somehow time got away from me, though. She’s almost 10!

I realized when she was talking to her Bharatanatyam teacher & class, and mentioned that she hit her ‘headfore’ (instead of forehead). That is the last remaining vestige of my little girl, who usually speaks like a little adult.

I’m going to have to correct her at some point, I think. She will be very unhappy with me, though, so I’m putting it off. I will give her until the end of this year, and if she still hasn’t self-corrected, I will have to figure out a way to bring it up. Or I could make M do it. Either way, she will be pissed at me, because she trusts that I will always tell her the truth and would never allow her to embarrass herself by mis-speaking. I suck.