Baby Dragon

I had to sign a sympathy card at work yesterday (for a co-worker). Each of us in the department wrote a little sentence and our signature. I was at a loss as to what to write. I’ve found myself searching recently, more than a few times, for an appropriate, non-ridiculous thing to say that didn’t involve the word prayers, as in “our thoughts & prayers are with you.” Somehow just saying “our thoughts are with you” sounds incomplete, but it’s probably due to the fact that I’m used to hearing it with the delusional “prayers” in it.

It was funny timing, because my husband had just given a statement to the newspaper about a death that occurred right next to his botanic garden. As a representative of the garden, he was expected to give the typical trite, meaningless, pc condolences that help nothing but look appropriate. He offered up “our thoughts and prayers are with the family.” He fell back on the phrase we always heard growing up, in lieu of something more appropriate and based in reality.

I understand the position he was in. I sat there blankly staring at the card trying to come up with something yesterday for about 10 minutes. I finally gave up and went with “sorry for your loss” (still trite, but no references to imaginary friends). He was in a similar situation, only he had a reporter waiting there while he came up with it.

When I first read it, I was furious. I didn’t want anyone to think I was married to a prat who reverts to magical thinking under stress. Plus it’s not okay to lie and say you are sending prayers, knowing damn well you don’t pray or believe in that stuff. Then I realized the crappy position he was in, and we talked about an alternative. I also remembered that we have different last names, which helps at times like this. I’m still deep breathing through the pain, but I’ll get over it soon enough (unless all my friends decide to point it out and make cracks about it). ;) We couldn’t really come up with anything other than a plain, “our thoughts are with you.” Maybe that’s just fine as it is. It will have to be good enough for now, because it’s all we’ve got.

I met a friend at Farmer’s Mkt today. She and her two boys walked me back to my building. In the courtyard of my building, there is a big fountain. By the time we reached my building, I was drenched from sweat. Em’s three-year old wasted no time getting right into the fountain and proceeded to make me jealous by having a fantastically cool, wet, fun time. I stepped into the fountain and got my feet (and shoes) wet to the ankles, but that was it. It felt good, but I wanted more!

Every single time I leave the building on a hot day, I look longingly at the fountain and wonder why nobody is in it. People schedule meetings outside on the patio, where they can look at the fountain. How is it, in four years, I’ve never seen an adult standing in the middle or frolicking around through the three 5-6 ft high water jets? I so want to just walk right through the middle of it, get completely soaked, and then make the long, drippy walk to my car. I know it would feel good, and would make the long, hot walk to the car much more comfortable (though the ride home with a wet seat wouldn’t be so great). I can’t quite talk myself into dropping the professional persona I wear to work, as it would look very undignified and co-workers may question my sanity. But damn I fantasize about doing it. I foresee a day in which my courage overtakes my propriety (which usually only shows up for work), and I just jump in and do it. Here’s hoping it doesn’t take until the day I retire to do it, but it’s definitely going to happen at some point in my future!