The first lilies and a dilemma

I was home with a migraine today (again!! DAMN, I hate this weather!), so I spent most of the day alternating between napping and watching the Casey Anthony trial. It seemed like every time I woke up, Bozo Baez was getting chewed out by the judge for being either dishonest, stupid, or both. Wow! The migraine backed off to a headache a couple of hours ago, but it's ramping up again. Fingers are crossed that the Imitrex will keep it at bay! I need a good night's sleep tonight, as my head pain kept me up most of the night last night!

We received a wedding invitation in today's mail. I was expecting it yet hoping it wouldn't come. It puts me in a crappy position, and I don't feel like making a hard decision right now. The wedding is in just a few weeks, so I don't have much time to decide. I have a lot of personal rules about weddings, because I do take marriage as a very serious socio-economic, lifetime contract.

Here's the situation. The bride to be (BTB) is a young girl--same age as Dej--who was Dej's best friend from first grade until a few years ago. BTB was one of those girls who dumped all friends and completely immersed herself in the boyfriend for years. She bailed on Dej when she most needed her best friend. That fact right there significantly changed my relationship and feelings about BTB. However, she and Dej are still friends, just not nearly as close as they were. That's really not a big factor in the wedding decision however--just background.

BTB has only had the one boyfriend. She hasn't travelled. She hasn't gone to college. She went from mommy's house to living with boyfriend and has never been independent. She hasn't learned to make her own way in the world, discovered who she really is, and her brain hasn't even fully developed yet! For all of those reasons, (in addition to the fact that boyfriend just joined military, and we all know what the success rate of those marriages is) I don't support it. So I think this rushed wedding is a colossally bad idea and do not remotely support their union.

THAT is the big issue. I do not attend weddings unless I support the couple's marriage and would, if called upon, try to help them work out any issues and stay together for life. If I don't feel that way, I do not attend the wedding. I would not have wanted someone who did not support my marriage attending my wedding, and I don't feel it is honest or right to go to others' under those circumstances.

I flat out won't attend any weddings in a church. I spent enough torturous years in a church for an entire lifetime, and have no desire to endure any more. In addition, I will not sit through any of that insane religious babble ever again. I did enough of that for a lifetime, too. It's time wasted, in a very vile way, and I can never get it back. My time is too valuable to spend it that way. It would be really easy to avoid this wedding if it were in a church, but it isn't, so I can't fall back on that easy out.

I also don't attend any food-based affairs that are not vegan or at least vegetarian. My time is also too short to be offended and disgusted by people callously consuming the flesh of innocent beings. It doesn't sound as though the reception will be big or include a meal of any kind, so I don't have this easy out either. This wouldn't really absolve me from attending the wedding anyway, just the reception.

I DO care very much about this girl, despite everything that's happened through the years, and though I feel she is ruining her future, I do NOT want to hurt her in any way! Not only do I care about BTB, but we are close to her family--particularly her grandparents, and I don't want to hurt them in any way.

It looks to me as though I have two choices: 1) Be dishonest and fake and attend the wedding or 2) Be honest, don't attend, hurt feelings. I don't like either of those choices at all. Damn my mailman and his reliable delivery. Couldn't I get a Newman, who lazily hides bags of mail instead of delivering them?!


Mark took these shots. They are quite beautiful flowers, though not typically looked at that way. The first is a closeup of a sweetpea flower. We have them climbing our fence this year. The second is a distance shot of the sweetpea. The flowers aren't very showy and aren't very often even noticed. The last shot is a stunning purple flower on a plant growing near our neighbors' garage. Any guesses as to what it is?

It's deadly nightshade!