A chapter closes, but it was a pretty crappy chapter, so we don't mind too much.

Well I am now officially the mother of a high school graduate. UGH! How did that happen. Since I'm internally stuck at seeing myself as 25, this is a bit jarring for me to comprehend. I still have to remind myself that no matter how I see myself, the college students I teach see me as a teacher who is old enough to be their mother--I am no longer "one of them". I find that's the toughest part of aging for me. I think of myself as a completely different age than the rest of the world sees me. When I am reminded of the reality of my physical age/appearance, it's shocking. Pictures of myself--very traumatic. I like the way I look in my head better. Having a daughter who is a college student--ouch. That's something that only the middle-aged can have.

Despite the threats of bad weather all day Friday, we ended up with nice weather for the graduation. That was especially important, since it was outside with no alternate indoor location. Their morning dress rehearsal didn't go quite as well. They got soaked. Poor Dej returned from practice and had to do her hair for the second time, as it had been totally drenched and destroyed outside. This usually puts her in a rotten mood, but she was giddy and excited all day. I tried to get her to go out with me: shopping, dinner, anything, but she wanted to hang with her friends all day, both before and after graduation. I would really have liked some time with her, but I understand. I'm sure that I was not interested in hanging out with my parents on graduation day either.

The graduation itself was as painless as sitting on bleachers for 3 hours can be. Luciana took a sketchbook and drawing supplies, so she had plent to keep her occupied during the boring parts. She made a sign that said "Dej", with a rainbow, to hold up when they called her name. My parents attended with us as well. In addition to announcing each child's name, they also announced their plans after high school. I was saddened to hear so many names announced with plans of "entering the workforce" or "joining the military". Neither of those options seems destined to provide the kids with happiness or satisfaction, and I'm afraid many of them are setting themselves up for hard lives. I wish them the best. Sadly, many of those kids are those who had few options and little support. I really hate to see people in that position chose the military. It's one thing if that's what they truly want to do, but so many of them end up doing it because it looks like their only option. I was please to hear, though, that D. will have many friends and acquaintances at the same college, so she won't start off all alone. I attended the same college she will be going to, and I met many great friends there, and I know she will also meet many new friends. One of my dear close friends today is one who I met my first semester there.

After the ceremony was complete, they let off fireworks. I thought that was great! Some of the kids shot off silly string, there was confetti thrown, and then the fireworks were just a fantastic topper. I love that they did that for the kids. I was curious as to who paid for them, but I'm grateful that they did. I think it was a very nice and memorable touch. I was a little disappointed that no toilet paper rolls were thrown, but maybe that's just a Craig thing (my alma matter). Or maybe they don't even do that anymore at Craig. This is the first graduation I've attended since my own. I probably went to my little brother's almost 20 years ago, but I don't really remember that (during the peak of my 'experimental years').

I can't exactly explain how this happened, but I, who cry all the time over everything and nothing, held it together through graduation. I was even fully prepared with a purse stuffed full of tissues. I had a lot of adrenaline. I was very excited for my girl, who was of course very excited. I had a headache that was quickly developing into a migraine. I am ridiculously happy to be done dealing with the school (again, NOT the teachers--the majority do the absolute best they can within the limitations imposed on them) and was feeling kind of giddy about that. Having said all that, I still don't know how or why I managed to get through with only a minor "tear up" or two. I guess if I could figure out any rhyme or reason to my ridiculous tendency to weep profusely (when it embarasses me tremendously), I would also understand why I did NOT weep profusely when it would actually make sense or be appropriate.

D's boyfriend is totally on my shit list now that he ruined her graduation night celebration (which was supposed to take place at his house). He decided that last night, after her one and only hs graduation, that it would be a great night to start a fight. Yes, I realize that's typical immature teen crap. I know they specialize in drama and idiocy, but still. DAMN! The little fuckwit could have picked any other night. Now her grad night, instead of ending with a party and lots of fun, ended up with her and a couple of friends (who have been here since yesterday afternoon and are STILL HERE!!--probably overnight again) hanging out here. Much of the night was spent with her on the phone, sad. We ordered them pizza, but didn't go very far in restoring the original glory she had planned for "her night". Bastard. This is the parenting part that I struggle with. I have my higher self reminding me that he's a confused idiot teenager just trying to figure life out, not an evil person who set out to harm my child. My lesser self (which seems to be the bigger portion) continues to call him obscenities (silently, oh, and in my blog) and fantasize about showing up the little shidiot's house with L's pink baseball bat.

L is also having a sleepover tonight. She and Logan are watching Open Season right now. They had a great day together. Orinda brought Colton and Logan over this morning, and all three kids played together, had lunch, went to gymnastics, came back and played some more, then O. and C. went home and Logan stayed here. As usual, they have had tons of fun all day, and all three kids played together superbly--lots of laughing and no fighting. They are all three really kind children with good manners who share well, so that makes for mostly peaceful playing. L & L are very cute together and come up with some very imaginative play. It's extremely rare that the two of them disagree or have words, so it's always enjoyable to have play dates or sleepovers with him. Logan told me tonight that L. is his very best friend, and he has other friends, but no friends are as good as L. That was so sweet! Up until recently, I have always been "Mimi" to Logan. When he was a baby, he couldn't say "Amy" and said "Mimi". He just informed his mother, when she said they were coming to "Mimi's house", that my name is "Amy", not "Mimi". Another one of my babies is growing up way too fast!