Fiona & Fergus are here

<-- This is Fiona



<-- This is Fergus

<-- This is Sagan, our latest bird adoption. He's hanging out in the big cage here, but it's always open. The birds are never caged. He flies all over the room already, and has caught on to flying pretty quickly for a bird who spent his whole life in a TINY cage. Poor little guy has had a very rough life!

We went to the Humane Society yesterday to pick up Fiona and ended up bringing Fergus home, too. I prefer to have more than one of each species, so I intended to find Fiona a friend. Little Fergus was the only other rabbit there (although there were several in a foster home), and it was such a tiny cage, that I really wanted to get him out of there. We quickly tried a bunny date in one of the rooms there, and it went fairly well for a first date. Fergus was just neutered on Tuesday, though, so he still has his little boy hormones and an incision that needs to heal. This means that even though they are getting along quite well, they have to be separated when we are not with them. His little boy hormones make him want to hump her, which she doesn't particularly like, but she tolerates it fairly well. She was spayed several weeks ago, so we don't have to worry about babies. Because the hormones/humping we can't risk leaving them alone. If a fight did occur, it could rip his incision and be a huge disaster. He needs to be less active while he's healing, so he's in a big cage for now, while she has run of the room. They snuggle through the cage bars though, and it's just precious. He should be able to be out full time in a couple of weeks.

They are both very friendly, cuddly, and sweet. They are quite playful, too, and we've had lots of fun so far getting to know them. We found that they both love apples, though Fiona is a little piggy and tried to steal Fergus' apple. She seems to be more food oriented than he is. We love their personalities and are looking forward to getting to know them better and spending lots more time with them.

I just talked to Dej and am now beyond stressed! She's fine, and we're getting along great, but they've had some unexpected difficulties (not mine to share), and I feel very bad for them. I can't fix it, and worrying won't help, yet I will continue to do so for the rest of the night. I don't want to see them struggle, but with this economy, it seems inevitable. : (

Now I'm going downstairs to hang out with my man and my sweet dogs and rewatch the kick-ass LOST that we watched last night. That might help distract my mind from worrying about my child.

LOST time

We taped the show, Luciana is in bed, and it's time for the best hour of the week.

I've been scanning in old family photos, so I thought I'd quickly share this one from the wayback machine: 1992 - my mom, me, Dejanique, and my dad.

Two on Tuesday

This post was originally going to be an entirely different 'two', but that will have to wait for another week. I simply don't have the energy to type what I intended. Here's my lazy version instead.

Two Things I Learned Today:

1. My body does not have the energy to keep up with my Tuesday schedule! I'm hoping it's because it was my first long, long horrible day in quite a while, but maybe I'm just too old for this pace?? : ( By the time I returned home from my class, fed the cats and the outdoor critters, talked with Luciana for a bit, took care of my nightly chores, and read to L. and tucked her in, I've found that I'm too exhausted to eat dinner, yet I still have work to do tonight. I hope I get into my groove soon!

2. I am still beyond horrible at saying 'no'. My class was full, and I've been getting e-mails for two weeks now from students who want to be "bumped up" on the wait list for various and sometimes compelling reasons. Two of the computers in my lab are not working, and I don't yet know when they will be fixed. That means I'm two machines short without my wait list people. I do not like to have to deal with things like that. The first student on my wait list showed up early and asked to be let in. Since he had his own laptop and was willing to take a chance on having to work on that, I let him in. Then the next student showed up asking to be let in. She just got her GED, and this is her first school in over 20 years. She has five children and is very proud of herself for returning to school. She said she would buy a laptop, so she could get into the class. I signed off to let her add the class. How could I say no to someone working that hard at life? I've created lots more work for myself (and more grading which I HATE!!) and what will most likely be a cluster fuck for the rest of the semester. Here's hoping IT gets those machines fixed FAST, and even more, here's hoping that a miracle occurs and all the machines in my lab actually work for the entire semester. A girl can dream...it's all I have the energy for right now. :D

I am struggling with and finding ironic the change in the power balance between myself and my ‘adult’ daughter. My child used to cling to me, viewing much of the world from her safe spot behind me, while holding on to my leg for dear life. That same child needed to be physically dragged and forced to try anything new or remotely adventurous. The little girl who needed me all the time is now on her own, trying to make her own way in the world. While I’m thrilled that she has shown more responsibility and self-sufficiency than we thought her capable of, in all honesty I’m a bit sad about it too. I definitely didn’t want her to fail. I just wanted her to need me a little bit more than she has. I had certain expectations of how it would be when she moved out. She would need to call me for everything. I would need to manage her life from her, so she remembered things like paying bills on time. She would frequently need to borrow money from me to make it to her next payday and/or to pay bills on time. This is the way it has been. This is the way it would continue to be. Except that it hasn’t continued to be that way.

Now the girl who we couldn’t motivate to do anything on her own, suddenly needs to do everything on her own. She’s turning down my money and my help in favor of her own growth. I was not ready for this. I bought her a shirt. She insisted on paying me back. No! It’s one lousy shirt, and I bought Luce some clothes, too. She left the money on my counter. Oh yay! She did allow me to purchase and make framed pictures of our cats for her apartment, because she misses them so much. She bought her own vacuum cleaner—doesn’t need my extra one. She does allow me to send leftovers and goodies back with her. I had to make my case to prove to her that I should be able to pay for her monthly Internet provider (it’s necessary for college and therefore a college expense). Is this a brilliant scam—take, take, take whenever you can, then suddenly refuse to take anything without paying for it on your own and people will beg you to take from them? “Ooh! Pick me!! Take my money. No, I insist!” For the record, I don’t think it is, but it would be brilliantly played if it were a scam. ; )

That’s enough to completely throw me off balance, but there is more. I’m at a point in my life where I would have guaranteed that I have moved beyond the immaturity of jealousy and possessiveness, until recently. Now I’m like a lovesick teen waiting by the phone wondering when she’s going to call or visit. “No, I can’t make any plans for that day, because Dej just might decide to call or pay me a visit”. When she and Joe come on the weekends, I have to split that time with her job, Joe’s mom, and their friends. For the past two weekends I have caught myself in the new low of mentally calculating how much time was spent with me and how much time was with Joe’s mom, because god knows I better come out ahead or I am going to have to have a chat with Joe’s mom about being too possessive and needy. Also thinking of ways to lure her to spend more time at my house (make favorite foods, favorite treats, take her shopping, make her feel guilty). Really, this is insane. This is not how mentally well people think. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life waiting for my daughter and hoping she will allow me to take care of her and provide for her sometimes? How long WILL it take for me to adjust to the ‘new order’ and return to sanity? It’s just ridiculous to reach this advanced age and still be so knocked off balance and confused! I definitely prefer to be the party with the most power in a relationship--not liking this end of things at all.

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

I'm sneaking in a quick post while my girl plays in the tubby. Since I'm a whole room away, she will yell loudly every 3-5 minutes, "Mommy, are you coming in to read yet?" One bellow down, several more to go.

As I mentally go over the past few days to try to recall how we've spent our time, most of it's a blur, other than LOST. LOST is back, and we've watched the two-hour premier episode twice. It did not disappoint and was full of answers and clues. It may take a third watching. Lots of interesting discussions on fractal time and reality, with the always intriguing wormhole stuff thrown into the mix. I still love Ben! This season is going to be fantastic.

"Mom, is it time yet?" <-- Bellow number two. We drove out to my cousin/friend, Denny's last night. We had a great time catching up, hanging out with them and their critters, and watching L. follow and irritate her older cousin Nathan, much the same way I did with my MUCH older cousin Denny when we were young. ;) He is fostering Dorothy, the Jack Russell terrier who badly needs a home. She has been fostered there for around six months, limited to the kitchen only. She is extremely cat aggressive, and they have three cats. She is so tiny and absolutely adorable! She loves humans and just wants to be loved and with her people as much as possible. Denny & Susan live way out in the country, so the ride home is always long and stressful, because we always see critters either crossing or alongside the road. This trip was no exception. We got to see two deer crossing right in front of our car. Good thing we saw them in time to stop!

Oh, I was wrong about the yelling. Apparently I took too long, and she got tired of waiting. Instead of yelling again, she just showed up next to me with her bath towel wrapped around her, dancing and singing, "Who Shakes the Best". She and H. were playing music from our 80's dance music folder this afternoon.

Jasper was very happy to see Dejanique today, when she visited. He was crawling all over her, trying to get her attention. He cuddled with her, purred, held her hand, hugged her (He really does hug! He wraps his little arms right around your neck and squeezes!). Then he started to scent her with his cheek glands. Then he went to work furiously scenting her purse. Then he did something I've never seen a cat do to a human before. He backed up and started to spray her arm. We both startled him by yelling, "Jasper!", and he stopped. It was very naughty and inappropriate for him to do, but it was also funny as hell. She didn't mind and thought it was pretty funny too. I guess in addition to missing her a lot, he wants to make really sure that the other cats know she belongs to him. It's really quite flattering. Lucky, lucky Dej.

Here is some more of Luciana's art. This is a creature, called a dracolisk, that exists in their D&D game. This particular dracolisk is a seaweed dracolisk, named Corel.

Story of a day

What a fantastic day! Despite starting my morning with a little beltline gridlock (over 20 minutes to drive 2.5 miles!), I am loving this day! My excitement over the inaugural event yesterday temporarily made me forget about what’s truly important ; ) about this week, LOST is back!! Tonight! So all in one lovely day, I woke up (way too early) with the realization that there is hope for better in this country, and that I will end my day with the long-awaited LOST return. How could it get any better than that?

We’ve been taking turns playing Othello with Luciana the last two nights. It’s a pretty simple game that I have always liked, but it’s new to M. & L. I had forgotten about it until I recently ran across it in the drawer of our entertainment center. I think I ran out of room on the game shelves several years back and stuck it down there. I found it in one of my recent manic cleaning and organizing endeavors and was so happy to see it. L. enjoys it and is quickly learning how to play strategically.

We made it through a minor disaster on Monday. L. lost another tooth and was, of course, very excited about it. In the process of trying to put it on the headboard of her bed for the tooth fairy, she dropped it, and it fell between the mattress and the headboard. She came running to me, sobbing as if the world had ended, and managed to explain what happened. She had looked and looked but couldn’t find it. I reassured her, thinking it would take me about five minutes to find. An hour later, I had moved her bed out and handpicked every small piece of lint or debris that was under her bed. No tooth! I still cannot explain where the tooth went, but none of us were able to find it. She was devastated that the tooth fairy wouldn’t come. I told her I wasn’t sure what would happen, but maybe she could try to leave a note for T.F. As it turned out, we played Othello and the game ran a little late, so in the rush before bedtime, she forgot to leave a note. The T.F. did indeed come anyway. We are guessing that perhaps because she’s so small and so into teeth, it was easy for her to spot the tooth we couldn’t find. Whew—another disaster diverted!

________________________________________________

After writing the above, my day took some twists and turns. I'm very tired, and my hormones are causing me some...uh...mood issues. I thought it was shot to hell, but Amazon saved the day...

1. Stopped at post office, which is always unpleasant. Waited in line for way too long, while the only employee that was serving customers chatted with a man with no life. Seriously, I'm standing there hot as hell, getting more irritated by the minute as said man with no life takes his sweet time deciding which of the stamps he wanted to buy for his lame little collection. "Hmmm. Should I get a 'Betty', too? I definitely want 'Frank'." OMG!! I wanted to shove him face first into the display case! Quite annoyed, but I recover from this and return to my good mood.

2. Luciana lobbies strongly for stuffed shells, instead of the pizza I was planning to make. I HATE making stuffed shells, because filling each individual shell with the stuffing is a pain in the ass. It's messy, it burns my finger tips, and I get the stuffing stuck to my hands which totally grosses me out. I'm in a good mood, though, so I'm willing to accomodate my girl. No problem.

3. Mixed up the stuffing for the shells. Went to get the shells from the pantry only to find that someone cooked up half the box and put it away without telling me. What I thought was a full box was only half full. Super. There was enough for M & L, so I could find something else to eat. Grrrr.

4. Headache that has been plaguing me all day starts to ramp up into a migraine.

5. Stuffed shells are done. Dropped the big spoon, because my hands were wet and slippery. Big spoon lands in the bowl of sauce, splattering sauce EVERYWHERE, including my arms and face. M & L feel the need to point out that sauce is dripping down my arm, as if I can't feel it on my bare skin. Pissed off now.

6. Went in bathroom to clean sauce off my face. Noticed the little toothpaste splatters on the mirror that I have to clean off every day. I never brush my teeth in that bathroom. How the hell do you not notice/care that the entire mirror THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING INTO has little white splatters all over. Came out to announce that if they couldn't brush their teeth courteously, they couldn't brush in that bathroom anymore. M is pissed now.

7. M needs to reheat his plate of shells, as they cooled off between my serving them and him starting to eat. Microwave dies. Unplug, try new outlet. Nope, it doesn't make heat and won't stay on for more than 5 seconds. SHIT! Lovely. Just recovering from the $1000+ vet bills in the month of December and now we need a new microwave. Headache worse. Stomach hurts from taking lots of headache drugs with no food. Can't heat up my dinner now.

8. I announced that as soon as they are done eating, we need to go get a microwave. I cannot live without a microwave, nor could I reheat my food without one. L announced she is done. On her plate, piled high on one half, is the stuffing--the gd stuffing that I HATE putting in those shells! She squished out the stuffing and ate the shells. Oh hell no she didn't! I'm furious now. I yelled that she better never ask me to make her stuffed shells again. M's pissed that I was harsh. I'm pissed that he's pissed.

10. Went to get tape measurer out of utility drawer to find that it's not there. Again. L & Hunter are always getting tools and duct tape out of my utility drawer. Who knows where the tape measurer is--L sure doesn't. Furious at this point, because I really need to measure the nook in our kitchen where it goes, so I know what size I need. M finds another tape measurer in the basement work area. It is not my nice big one.

10. Drove to Best Buy to pick up a microwave. M doesn't like the stainless steel, so we go with white again. Back home. Still in a horrid mood. No longer want to eat, watch LOST, or talk to anyone. Ever.

11. Helped M get new microwave set up and working. Did dishes, cleaned kitchen, fed cats. Made up peanut butter crackers and snacks for the outside critters. While carrying them outside, dropped one of the peanut butter crackers, which of course hit and stuck to my jeans.

12. H & L are downstairs playing, so I decided to head upstairs to sulk in my misery. Since I'm there and the laptop is there, check e-mail. Oh my hell!! In my box is a message from Amazon that some software that I put up for sale on there almost three months ago just sold. I had forgotten about it. Made more $$ than the microwave cost us! The day is looking up suddenly. I may enjoy LOST after all.

13. Now--getting off computer. I'm feeling human enough to deal with others, so I'm off to do my bedtime reading and cuddling with my girl. That and a little time cuddling my furry babies should get me back to feeling pretty good by 10 pm, when we can watch LOST.

Two on Tuesday

Cute, random photo: M., Baxter, & L., who is wearing some spiffy blue eyeshadow and blogging.

I can see this is going to be really, really hard for me to stick with. I'm just not good with 'brief', but it will be a good exercise for me. I was always the one in college and grad school trying to make my papers shorter, rather than longer.

Okay, so today's two are two things that made me really happy today:

1. Listening to our very intelligent president's inauguration address. For the first time in eight years, I'm not ashamed to be American. Okay, I was a little ashamed after his address when the man gave his weird, ridiculous benediction. Jeebus! It would be nice to really catch up to the the rest of the developed countries and shake our fairy-tale roots! The benediction/prayer thing immediately following the address was a nightmare of idiocy. I don't even remember the guy's name, but I was scarred as a result of hearing it. Still it's awesome to have a president that I can be proud of. Yeah, I kind of cheated here by elaborating on something that doesn't fit the criteria of my two things 'rule'. I'm a rebel.

2. Receiving our Amazon order AND my sheet music order in the same day! I found the sheet music to Fifty Nifty (United States) online for $1.75. Now I won't have to hurt my daughter's ears by singing a cappella while I teach her the song AND I can teach her to play it on the piano later. M. needed to order a book for research for some presentations he will be giving this spring. I never order from Amazon until I get at least $25, because I will not pay for shipping when I can get it free. Because M. needed this ONE book right away, and it was under $25, I was forced to throw on a book that I've been wanting for some time and can't get from our library system: 'The Counter Creationism Handbook'. Just flipping through it briefly it rocks way more than I even thought it would! My science-y (yes Mark, it's a word now) friends--you will definitely want to borrow this book.

I'll be laced with lacy...

LOL...Guess which song Luciana is playing right now.


L. has been very creative over the past couple of weeks. She's been using her clay from xmas to make cat world habitats. She has been working on writing a book--her own version of the Cat Warriors books that she loves so much. She has close to 100 characters that she has named and drawn and has written a few chapters of the book so far. Each can clan lives in a different type of area, and she used clay to sculpt and then paint two of the habitats. These are shown below:














She also made some lovely pictures using some of the craft supplies she got for her birthday.















This year I will remember that I have MLK day off tomorrow, and therefore, I will NOT drive to work in a blizzard and only realize when I see the empty parking garage that I could have stayed home in BED!

We had another date night last night, and Mark had another surprise planned. We went to Madison and went for Thai again. Mark really wanted to go back, and as long as they have the most delectable, to-die-for sticky rice with mango, I am on board. Our friends, Lori & Tom, had just flown in for a few days from CO, and they met us at the restaurant. It was wonderful to see L & T, but more importantly, we got to meet Clover Helene for the first time in person. She is even cuter in person. Her adorable pictures do not begin to do her justice. She is an absolutely perfect baby--every feature is so cute and her skin is flawless. I gladly let my delicious vegan lad nar get cold, so I could have extra time holding the little vegan warrior.

This post is going to take me forever! L. is sitting next to me with M's laptop, and she's distracting me with cute You Tube cat videos. There's a seemingly endless supply of them, and I have to work really hard to resist not becoming the 'crazy-cat-lady-who-constantly-makes-cute-videos-of-her-cats'. I think I'll hold tight with 'crazy-cat-lady-who-takes-too-many-pictures-of-her-cats'. Yeah, that's a little less crazy.

Okay back to last night. Was smart enough to order two sticky rices to go, as we didn't have time for dessert there. We were getting a little short on time and had to make it to the next event. M. managed to tell Lori where we were going, but I didn't hear, so I still didn't know. I hoped it was worth leaving my sticky rice in the car. We went to the play, Blasphemy, at the Bartell Theater. I was even wild enough to join M in getting a drink to take into the Theater. I had a Capt. Morgan's some kind of colada--it was a pretty yellow drink in a bottle, and it looked fruity. It was really quite good, and I was so glad I took it in with me. The play was hilarious and proved to be a good choice, as are about 98% of Mark's surprise outings.

I'm not doing well with sleeping at night again lately--more hormonal joys, how fun. I have been super tired today and kind of muddled through my chores and homeschooling work. I'll have to be more productive tomorrow. I'm finding Sundays a little bit of a challenge (besides my crappy energy level) because Dej has been coming to visit for several hours on Sundays. That will probably be the only day she doesn't work or have classes, so it will probably continue. I need to have more time freed up to hang out with her, so I'll probably need to work on changing my schedule--though not sure where I will find more time.

I took the girls to Old Navy today. L. still had a gift card, and we were hoping to catch some good clearance sales. The girls had fun trying things on and picking out clothes. L. worked very hard to be a little teen and be as 'cool' as she thinks her sister is. It's definitely not my favorite way for her to behave, but she was having fun and feeling quite grown up. As long as she doesn't get jazzy with me, I can let it pass. She tried on a pair of skinny jeans that were really cute, but she HATED them. As soon as she got them fastened, she started complaining loudly that they were TOO TIGHT and she didn't like them. I asked her some questions and was able to determine that they fit her fine, she just doesn't like her clothes to touch her that much. After much grunting and groaning, she removed the pants from hell and said she would never wear skinny pants. I guess she would still rather be comfortable than to look like her sister. Good for her.

We picked up our newest little family member from the Humane Society on Friday. Oh, and I was thrilled to see that they had L's sign hanging in a very conspicuous location. She was quite proud when I pointed it out to her. He's a precious little bright green and yellow parakeet with lots of 'tude. Given the home situation he came from (his little partner didn't make it out alive), I certainly can't blame the little guy for being nippy and full of 'tude. He seems to be feeling quite at home in the bird room. We have not yet agreed on a name for him yet--L. and I are having a bitter argument on what his name should be. She's won the last few naming rights, so I think I'm entitled to a turn. Plus she wants to name the bird Pat. I cannot live with a bird named Pat. I am living with a gerbil named Botswana. The last four bird names she chose: Sky, Rain, Touky, and Mrokia. It is so my turn to name the new baby!

We are in desperate need of temporary foster homes for SIX well-behaved, well-loved dogs. Contact me if you're willing to help out or know of someone who could be talked (or bribed, okay even blackmailed) into helping out.

Two on Tuesday

Given my love for alliteration, the fact that Tattoosdays are done until we get ready for some more ink, and the fact that my Tuesdays are HELL (due to a long work day in Madison, followed by teaching a class afterword once college starts back up in two weeks), I'm doing a new 'feature' on Tues. That way I will be sure to post, but it is limited and won't take me very long.

Tonight's two will be two things I'm very thankful for today.

1. My fan. It's actually M's, but he brought it home from work for me (his poor co-workers!). As the hotflashes are kicking my ass round the clock, my little fan is a breath of fresh air (LOL) that keeps me from losing any more of my meager store of sanity. It has started smelling kind of hot (overuse??), but I will keep using it until it dies! I love this fan. A lot.

2. Citrix and remote desktop. The roads were slick this morning and the temp hovered at around 0, so I was able to stay in my cozy house and get all my work done from home today. Tomorrow's weather looks like it will be worse, so probably another super-productive Citrix day for me.

NINE!!

always lots of help with gift opening around here

My baby turned nine yesterday! It is her last year as a single digit. Mark was the first one up and decorated the house, as usual. He has always done this for both girls' birthdays. She was a little bit emotional it seems, because the simple act of spilling a little of the catfood 'juice' on her shirt while carrying it upstairs for me, was enough to launch an emotional meltdown. She really wanted to wear her new favorite shirt, the rainbow shirt Grandma Caroline got her for xmas, for her birthday and was sobbing that her whole day was ruined because she couldn't wear her favorite shirt for her birthday because it had stinky catfood 'juice' on it. Oh my! I was able to rinse the shirt and hang it so the sleeve would dry pretty quickly, so she could still wear it. The complete overreaction was a warning, though, that she had a fragile emotional state going on. How fun. She sometimes gets a little weird around her birthdays and becomes a little sad and clingy, and weepy that she doesn't want to grow up--she just wants to stay like she is and live with us without ever growing up. Dej was that through her younger years, too.

Somehow Dej went from being the little girl who wanted to live at home forever to the girl who just couldn't think of a worse place to live even if she tried. She had quite a clever plan in her childhood years though. She was going to live at home forever and continue to sleep in my bed. She would get married to a man, who would sleep on the couch. Her husband could then do all of the housework, cooking, and animal care, while we all continued on with our fun work-free lives. Which reminds me of Luciana's engagement at five. She became enamored with a little boy she met at her grandma's church and came home and told us that they were getting married. She was going to tell him in two weeks (when she stayed overnight at grandma's again) that he could move in with us. She informed us of this one Sunday night, and quite matter of factly added that he would need to share Mark's toothbrush when he lived here, because he wouldn't have his own toothbrush here. We contained our laughter, while wondering how our very bright little girl determined that daddy, and not her, should be the one to share the toothbrush. Also wondered why it didn't cross her mind that he could actually bring his own, or perhaps drop a few bucks to buy a new one, or take one from the drawer where I keep a stock of brand-new toothbrushes for guests who forget theirs. I guess 'love' makes us stupid at any age.

Back to L's birthday. We weren't sure the in-laws would be able to make it as planned, because they were getting dumped on with a snowstorm and the roads in IL were horrible. I was thrilled when they called at 2 to say they would be coming (just later than originally planned). We were able to tell her they would be late, rather than not coming. I was a little worried about telling drama girl that they couldn't come at all. They arrived around 4, and we visited for a while. My parents arrived at 5, she got to be the center of attention. Dej had to work, so she couldn't come, but she did stop by before work to drop off an Icee and wish L. a happy birthday. She wanted to go to Olive Garden for her birthday, so that's where we all went. We had to wait nearly 45 minutes for a table. That really sucked. We had a decent dinner and came back home where she opened gifts.

The hit of the night was a little remote-controlled UFO saucer she got from Uncle Dan. It was very cool, and the adults and cats all envied L's gift. We had six cats--the other three are too shy to come down with all that company--with huge eyes, all staring with a mixture of fright and excitement. It's small and lightweight enough that it couldn't hurt them, but with all those flashing lights, they weren't quite sure about it. It's also indestructable (supposedly) and has done well so far standing up to her erratic remote-control 'driving'. It is highly entertaining to watch the cats watch this thing. Petey did make a jump for it today. He's such a little jock! I haven't had the chance to play with it. Yet.

Everybody went home at around 10, and we took L. up to bed then, too. She got to sleep in our bed with us, because of her birthday. We are very tired today. She had a nice day, and we had a nice time visiting with our family. There was a spectacular full moon out last night, in honor of her ninth birthday. ; D

Today she got more birthday attention (and two Webkinz) when her sister came over to celebrate her birthday with her. Dej gave her one-on-one attention and spent a lot of time hanging out with her. L. lives for time and attention from her big sister, so I was really happy to see the two girls together. After Dej left L. & Hunter got on the computers, side-by-side, to play with their webkinz online.

modeling a new outfit from Grandma C.

I still have a little work to do on her preparing her homeschooling work for the next three days (while I'm at work and she's at my mom's) and some household chores to do. I'm feeling behind on everything and not remotely ready for going to work tomorrow!

We are in desperate need of a permanent, loving home for a small female jack-russell terrier. She's around five, very sweet and loving. She's had a rough time of it lately and is in a much less-than-ideal foster home right now. She is NOT aggressive to humans, but is extremely aggressive with cats and other small animals (as many jack russells are), so she needs a cat-free home. Please get the word out and contact me if you are interested. She deserves a much better life than she's had of late. She was dumped in the country--either pregnant or with her puppies.

One of the xmas presents L. asked for and received was a donation to the Rock County Humane Society. We went to drop that off on Friday, and she made and dropped off this sign at the same time.

Happy Belated New Year

We very much enjoyed our last week of ‘vacation’. M & I were both home all week, so we had lots of family time and managed to be productive as well.

New Year’s Eve day brought some excitement, as we got our new water softener installed and running. We haven’t had one before. We’re enjoying the benefits of our newly soft water, and our plumbing should hold up much better and longer now. It was our family xmas gift.

We spent this New Year’s Eve the same way I’ve spent the last 19 NYEs, at my parents’ house. We came over for dinner, and my mom made a big batch of chili. Dej and Joe came for dinner but then they left for a little more excitement and went to a friend’s party. The rest of us stayed and watched some of the Twilight Zone marathon and played games. M & I had to run home for a while in the evening to take care of our critters, but we returned and stayed to toast the new year in. We left a little after midnight and tried to get L. settled down and ready for bed.

L. got the game, Catopoly, from my parents for xmas, and she was really excited to play it with all of us. It's just like Monopoly, but with cats and with lots of interesting cat facts on the cards. Libby liked the box.

New Year’s day, we hung out at home and got some chores done until it was time to go back to my parents’ for my dad’s pizza. He will be having shoulder surgery this week, so it was the last of his homemade pizza for a while. We continued with the TZ marathon and more games.

Dej and Joe were in town, staying at our house from New Year’s Eve through Sunday night. They popped in and out through the course of their visit. Just when we were getting impressed with our daughter’s newly found maturity and responsibility and wondering who the mostly polite houseguest was who looked like our child but didn’t act like her, we were eventually assured that our daughter was indeed still around. She left us a tub full of leg whiskers and forgot to clean up the apple cider she spilled on the floor. And in case there was any doubt whatsoever, she called at 2:30 am one night, because she had forgotten her housekey and couldn’t get in. That’s the kid we are used to. She hasn’t totally gone and grown up yet. ; D

Saturday was date night. Our last one was spent wrapping gifts, and the one before that was spent in the hospital. We were ready to get out and do something. We met our friends, Lynn & Rick, at a Thai restaurant in Madison. We hadn’t been there before, but they highly recommended it, so we were looking forward to trying it. I ordered my favorite dish, and it was excellent! Perfect. We all enjoyed our meals and ate way too much. We never order dessert when we go out—too much food and too much money, not to mention the lack of good vegan desserts. We had to, though, because they had mango sticky rice. I love this stuff! It’s hard to find, and I’ve never tried to make it on my own. It was good. It was very good. I love that restaurant! We went their house after dinner and visited and hung out for a while. They are lots of fun and very entertaining. We left at around 11, as we still had the unpleasant drive back home, and I still had to feed Scraps.

L. got a lot of activity-type gifts for xmas: crafts, games, science experiments, etc. She’s already long finished with the books she got for xmas. She has plenty of activities to keep her busy for a while. We have stuck to our guns on the ‘no video games’ despite her begging and whining for some type of game system, “even the little hand ones”. M & I both feel that they are mind-numbing time wasters that contribute nothing to becoming a better person or making the world a better place. She held out some vague hope that Santa would come through for her, but was so happy with what she did get that she has forgotten all about her gaming-system lust and we haven’t heard anything more about it. She will continue to be “the only child in the universe” who doesn’t have one.

My word for the year is ‘simplify’. That’s my focus right now, and I’m taking baby steps in that direction. I want to apply this word to everything, but most of all to our ‘stuff’. We simply don’t need all the stuff that we’ve accumulated through the years, and I am working hard to purge whatever I can and organize the rest. I am dreading the storage area of our basement, but I’m going to force myself to tackle it this year. I’m not a ‘New Year’s Resolution’ kind of person. No need to set myself up for failure. I do intend to keep that word as a guiding mantra throughout 2009. I think I can handle that much of a commitment.

I hurt.

I am not liking this week at all, and it’s only Monday! Today was supposed to be my first day back at work. So when the alarm went off at the god-awful early time of the morning that I have to get up for work, I wanted to weep. I’m not a morning person on my best days but on my first day of having to be up early, I was tired and have a cold (which I got this weekend), it was especially hard and unpleasant. I threw myself together and then had the chore or dragging Luciana out of bed. We came downstairs and fed the cats, and I mixed up Scraps’ morning meal. The news mentioned a bad semi accident on the Interstate, leaving only one lane, so of course traffic was bogged down. Was not looking forward to having to deal with that mess. As I walked into the birdroom to feed Scraps, my heart sank. She was lying on the floor splayed out in a way that indicated that she wasn’t in control of at least some of her limbs.

She had weakened over the weekend but was still spunky and eating voraciously yesterday. I estimated after yesterday’s feeding that she would probably make it until Thursday and would then be degraded enough that she needed release. This condition, however, was unacceptable. She was no longer spunky or mobile, or able to stand on her own. I e-mailed work to let them know I would be in late and called the vet to schedule the euthanasia. It was a very busy morning at the vet, as Mondays often are, and the first available appointment was about two hours later. It turned out to be a nice window of time that we could spend together. She was still eating her apple but needed me to hold it up at an angle that she could get at. I moved her to the couch, wrapping her with a blanket, as she was a little cool. We snuggled and enjoyed each other for the last time until it was time to leave for our appointment. She lay next to me, cheek to cheek, and I took in her now very distinctive smell—her abscess, combined with her beloved green glop I’ve been hand feeding her, the apples she lives for, and her medication make for a scent that I now associate with Scraps—knowing that my life would soon have a huge empty spot. Again.

When the time came, L. and I took her to her last visit to Dr. Nelson. She didn't seem anxious or frightened. Doc gave her the pre-death sedative, so she could go to her happy place and be pain free before she moved on. We had a little time to snuggle with her between the sedative and the final dose. L. brought her apple slices from home, and I held her apple up to her so she could chomp away. She enjoyed that apple immensely and ate until the sedative made her too sleepy to swallow and she started to drool. Doc came back in and we held our happily sedated girl and told her how much we loved her until she left her tiny, diseased body. We brought her home, so we can bury her in the garden with a special tree planted over her as our reminder of her far-too-short life.

I then dropped L. off at my mom's and left for work. The commute gave me plenty of time to do more crying. I had the passing thought that at least I missed the cluster fuck due to the semi accident that I would have had to deal with had I gone in at my normal time. I could not believe it, when I saw the lane closure signs in the area where the accident occurred. So much for my 'luck'. At that very moment, they had lots of people and vehicles trying to haul the semi with two mangled trailers out of the median. It gave me a little more time to cry before I had to face people at work.

My first day back at work ended up being only three hours, but it was more than enough. My time mostly consisted of reading all the e-mail messages that had accumulated during my absence and meeting with my co-worker who took over my audit duties while I was gone. I was pleased to find that things were in pretty good shape. I had a few questions to answer and will have to jump back in tomorrow, but today was pretty uneventful. I was pleased to see that not only did Terrance keep everything going well with the audits, but he even added some improvements to my code, so it's better than it was when I left it. He's awesome! I worked hardest this afternoon at trying to keep it together and not think too much about Scraps. I lost it a few times, though and got very weepy. One time I looked down and noticed for the first time that Scraps had drooled her apple down the front of my shirt and fell apart. Fortunately there was only a half hour left before I could leave, so I went to the bathroom to clean up my face again and pulled it together enough to finish my work day and make it to the stairwell before I fell apart again.

No matter how many I lose or how small they are, it just doesn't make it one bit easier. It still hurts just as bad as the first time. Each time it is a unique loss--a wonderful little being who is completely unique and original and can never be replaced. I still think about and miss every single one that I've lost.

On the way home from work, I was passing someone on the Interstate, and I looked over to see it was my friend, Julie. She is 'the rabbit lady'. She convinced me to adopt my first rabbit, Pinkerton, 20 years ago and has been my rabbit advisor since then. It just struck me as an odd coincidence that I was sitting in my car, crying over Scrappers, and I look to my right and see a good friend who is my 'rabbit person'. I haven't talked to her yet, but I'm betting she was in Madison taking one of her rabbits to the UW and on her way home.

We actually had a delightful week/weekend, and I'll share more of that tomorrow. I just needed today to process my Scraps loss.